Thoughts and Actions
Merry
Christmas
December 25, 2009
A blizzard of snow is hitting Minnesota,
delivering a white Christmas.
My shovel clogs with snow build-up.
A tap clears it out.
Music Association: Silent Night
The Pig's Eye Bar
All Of Me
December 24, 2009
A multitude of Santas walks into the Pig's
Eye Bar,
crowding the place with Joy, the waitress. The Santa next to me says,
"Ho," launchingall the Santas into "ho-ho-ho's." I ask him, "Are you
the real Santa?" He nods. I ask, "Who are they?" He replies,
"Subordinate clauses."
Music Association: Led Zeppelin
- All Of Your Love
The Pig's Eye Bar
A Multitude of Santas
December 23, 2009
The Pig's Eye Bar is wall-to-wall, identical
Santas.
Most of them are just finishing a meal, but many are talking shop. "How
musical are chimney flutes?" one Santa asks a group of other Santas.
Another is saying, "I put North Polish, but the customs people didn't
have a code for North Polish..." Another Santa turns to me, checks an
app, and asks, "Are you feeling okay?" I tell him,"Yeah, just a bit
Claustrophobic."
The Santas laugh in their ho-ho-hoish way, and with a -POP-
there is only one Santa leaning against the bar. He tells a story:
"Once upon a Christmas, I was mad. The elves were riding the reindeer.
The sleigh was in for repairs, and Mrs Claus was upset that nobody
knows her name, but she wouldn't tell us, so how are we supposed to know?
So one of our little angels is hauling in a tree and wants to know
where to stick it." Santa orders a beer. "So that, my friend, is why an
angel is perched atop the tree."
Music Association: Angels We
Have Heard On High
The Pig's Eye Bar
Christmastime
December 22, 2009
Santa goes into the Pig's Eye Bar, hands the bartender a roll of foil
to shred, and sits down next to me. With a sigh, he gets out a phone
and scrolls to the Naughty-Nice app. He highlights my name in the
Naughty column. "What did I do?!?"
"What didn't you do? This is Christmas time."
I tell Santa, "Yes, it's a time for giving." Santa glares. "What? I've
been giving daily jokes."
"Bar jokes?" Santa asks. "You don't even drink."
"I drink."
"A dozen drinks a year," Santa says, pointing to his Sees You When
app. "I know when you've been drinking..."
I ask him, "So what do you want?"
"Christmas humor," he says.
Music Association: Vince
Guaraldi - Christmas Time Is Here
The Pig's Eye Bar
Light Bulb
December 21, 2009
Nights are starting earlier at the Pig's Eye Bar. I asked the bartender
how many drunks does it take to change a light bulb. He asked, "How
many?" I said, "Two. One to hold the bulb, and the other to drink until
the room spins." He asked me, "How many brewers does it take to change
a light bulb?" I asked, "How many?" He said, "About a third less than
for a regular bulb."
Music Association: Journey -
Lights
The Pig's Eye Bar
Gorilla
December 18, 2009
A gorilla walks into the Pig's Eye Bar; the bartender glances my way to
make sure it isn't me in my monkey suit. The gorilla orders a beer with
a twenty. The bartender serves the beer and decides to only give back a
ten. The bartender says, "We don't get too many gorillas in here." The
gorilla says, "At ten bucks a beer, I'm not surprised."
Music Association: Peter Gabriel
- Shock the Monkey
The Pig's Eye Bar
Two Dogs
December 17, 2009
Ralph was walking his German Shepherd when he ran into his
brother Randy walking his Chihuahua. At the Pig's Eye Bar, a sign said
"No dogs allowed due to freshness issues" or something. They went in
anyway. The bartender said, "Dogs aren't allowed." Ralph said, "It's a
seeing-eye dog." The bartender turned to Randy and asked, "I suppose
you've got a seeing-eye Chihuahua?" Randy replied, "They gave me a
Chihuahua?!?"
Music Association: The Who - See
Me
The Pig's Eye Bar
A Dog
December 16, 2009
A man brings his dog into the Pig's Eye Bar and says he'll bet anyone
that the dog can talk. We all laugh, but he takes it the wrong way.
Flustered, he says, "My dog CAN talk. I'll bet anyone!" The bartender
takes pity on him and agrees to bet a drink. The man asks his dog,
"What's over our heads?" The dog says, "Roof." The bartender makes a
move to throw them out. "Wait!" the man says, turns to his dog, and
asks, "Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?" The dog says,
"Ruth!" The bartender throws them out. On the sidewalk, the dog shrugs
and asks, "Dimaggio?"
Music Association: Led Zeppelin
- Black Dog
The Pig's Eye Bar
Almost Like Art
December 15, 2009
At the Pig's Eye Bar last night, a dog was playing poker. It almost
looked like a painting at the Pig's Eye For Art, except the dog was
playing with people. I told them how great I thought it was that a dog
was playing poker. "Nah, it's not so great," a guy quietly tells me.
"Whenever he gets a good hand, he wags his tail."
Music Association: Elvis - Hound
Dog
The Pig's Eye Bar
Slugs
December 14, 2009
A man walks into the Pig's Eye Bar, sits heavily down, sighs, and
orders a double of the finest scotch. He slugs it and orders another,
slugs it and taps the bar for another. While pouring, the bartender
says, "You know, life is short. You shouldn't drink like that." Taking
the drink, the man says, "You'd drink this way too, if you had what
I have." "What's that?" the bartender asks. The man replies, "Fifty
cents."
Music Association: Fifty Cent -
Candy Shop
The Pig's Eye Bar
Duck!
December 11, 2009
A duck walks into the Pig's Eye Bar and asks the bartender, "Ya got any
shoe string potatoes?" The bartender says no, and the duck leaves. The
next day the duck again asks, "Got any shoe string potatoes?" The
bartender says no, and the duck leaves. The next day the duck again
asks, "Any shoe string potatoes?" The bartender yells, "If you ask for
shoe string potatoes one more time, I'll nail your bill to the bar!"
The duck leaves. The next day, the duck goes up to the bartender, "Have
ya got... any nails?" The bartender says no. The duck asks, "Got any
shoe string potatoes?"
Music Association: Ernie -
Rubber Duckie
The Pig's Eye Bar
The Cat and the Grasshopper
December 10, 2009
A cat walks into the Pig's Eye Bar and walks out again. It
walks
into the bar and out again. It stands in the doorway. It chases a
grasshopper in. The grasshopper hops up to a barstool and then to the
bar and orders a beer. The bartender serves it a beer and, making
conversation, says, "You know, we have a drink named after
you."
The grasshopper looks up from its drink and asks, "You have a drink
named Irving?"
Music Association: Danny
& the Juniors - At The Hop
The Pig's Eye Bar
Snow Globe
December 9, 2009
Not much snow
last night, but a traffic jam of people tried to get snowed in at the
Pig's Eye Bar. A line of people inside the bar waited their turn at the
fake snowed-in set -- a giant snowglobe with falling, swirling
styrofoam snow. "Hi honey! Can't come home! I'm at the bar!" said one
woman. And then she said, "Hang... on, I've got styrofoam in my
mouth."
Music Association: Tequila
Mockingbird - Shake It Like A Snowglobe
The Pig's
Eye Bar
The String
December 8, 2009
A string walks into the Pig's Eye Bar and orders a beer. The bartender
looks at the string and says, "We don't serve strings here." The string
leaves. Outside, the string asks me to tie it up like a pretzel and
unravel its ends. After that, it goes back into the bar, orders a beer.
The bartender asks, "Aren't you the string that was just in here?" The
string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
Music Association: The Fray -
How To Save A Life
The Pig's Eye Bar
December 7, 2009
The Pig's Eye Bar is sandwiched between Minneapolis and St. Paul. The
sandwiching squishes the building, leaning it halfway over the
Mississippi River. Odd is normal at the Pig's Eye. Yesterday a
three-legged dog was hobbling around the bar, talking to people. I
tried to ignore it, reading the writing on the wall... watching the
Vikings... listening to the complementary nuts... I got up and went
over to the three-legged dog and asked what the H-E- double pine trees
he
was doing in there. He turned to me, with a look only a dog could give
you and said, "I'm looking for the fella that shot my paw."
Music Association: Randy Newman
- Blue Shadows "All of the doggies are in the corral; all of
the work is done."
The Guru
December 6, 2009
A friend of mine is a guru; some call him the guru's guru, as if that's
easy to say. He's the wise old man on the mountain, he's a hermit, and
he's an expert on all things. Before there was Google, there was guru.
And oddly enough for someone with his wisdom and
knowledge,
he has problems.
His problems come from the Internet, which rendered obsolete many
low-tech information sources, but not him.
It used to be that he could not be found since he was not listed in any
phone books. Now his location and wisdom is regularly reported. And his
advice to one person is often reported back to thousands. He
was
on Cho Oyu, not quite Tibet and not quite Nepal, with almost daily
visitors, when three people visited him.
"Old man," their leader asked, "we have traveled far and endured much
hardship. I ask you, what is the secret of life?" The guru did not
answer. "Old man, I tell you
again, we've traveled
far and endured much. I must ask you, what is the secret of life?" The
guru did not answer. "Old man..."
"Watch your step."
The group looked at each other. "Watch your step, what kind of -- Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
Music Association: LeBlanc
& Carr - Falling
Attention Anthropologists!
December 1, 2009
Other writers of fiction introduce their characters from childhood. Not
me. Nope. I offer more. I go back on an evolutionary scale and
introduce the protagonist as an ape.
My readers expect more from their novelists.
Happy (Belated) 150th Birthday to the Origin
Of Species (published November 24th, 1859)
Music Association: Beatles - "I
am the ape-man."
Proton Acceleration
November 30, 2009
Big news in proton acceleration occurred earlier today as the Large
Hadron Collider by CERN near Geneva smashed the old proton
acceleration record held by Fermilab in Batavia, Illinois. The top
speed of the unnamed protons reached 1.18 TeV.
"Our European protons are far superior to your American protons," a
heavily-accented researcher
said gutturally, "much in the same way the euro is superior to the
dollar."
Music Association: REM -
Electron Blue
It's Cool
November 24, 2009
The weird thing about this November has been how warm it
is.
It's 47. That's warm for Minnesota in the third week in
November.
It's about 10 degrees warmer than the average. And it's not just us.
The whole country is having trouble selling snowblowers, winter
coats, and sleds -- which can't help retails sales, which are predicted
to be 1% lower than last year's sales, according to the National
Retail Federation.
Still, it's going to get colder, right?
Two of the best places to get coats to keep you warm in the coolest
months are L.L.
Bean and Lands'
End. Both have coats rated for sub-zero
temperatures, for when it cools down.
Music Association: Little River
Band - Cool Change
Research
November 18, 2009
I'm a natural born researcher. It's what I do and who I am. It means
that I search and search again -- re-searching. And the process of
study has provided a framework of understanding the sense of things and
the nonsense of things.
Here's an example of nonsense: The
Times of London has reported a finding from Biology
Letters
that the Galapagos Island Floreana mockingbird that was so influential
to Darwin's theory of evolution is, itself, dying out. So researchers
are
trying to figure ways of reintroducing it. Say what?
They are trying to honor Darwin by bringing back the birds and at the
same time are dishonoring his theory of survival of the fittest. That's
nonsense... unless they can kill off the rats that were killing off the
birds, but that's not part of the plan.
Music Association: David Bowie -
Changes
History in the Fabricating
November 12, 2009
Why study history? An often misquoted George Santayana
rationale behind studying history is that "Those who cannot remember
the past are condemned to repeat it." History is studied so we
don't make the same mistake twice, he says, which makes it the only
field of study of how not to do things, other than Monty Python's "How Not To
Be Seen." It's laughable that according to this theory,
George W. Bush started the 2nd Iraq War because he couldn't remember
George H. W. Bush having fought the 1st Iraq War.
The problem with history is that, other than teaching how not to do
things, it is mostly wrong. Undaunted Courage is a 1996
history book by Stephen Ambrose. I had an advantage over the author by
reading the book while looking up source
documents.
Undaunted Courage reads like two books: the first is a flowery,
descriptive book with unattributed
fabrications praising Meriwether Lewis and
Thomas Jefferson, while dismissing William Clark; the second is a
rushed conclusion praising Clark and inconsistently portraying Lewis as
healthy and sick, sane and insane. Both parts contain misleading and
inconsistent statements with heavy borrowing
from secondary sources. It's two books in one!
Kids have to study this crap. And yet, where is there a timeline of
United States history? I had to make one up.
My goal was to make a United
States historical timeline from 1750-2010 with all the
wars, the presidents, inventions, major companies, and
Minnesota stuff that
would help kids to understand how it all goes together, without being
too confusing.
I did it so you won't have to repeat it.
Music Association: The Babys -
Isn't It Time
Lights
October 27, 2009
Lights, the musician, played the Triple Rock Social Club
in Minneapolis last night, on her first tour as a headliner.
Her
debut album just hit the U.S. on October 6th.
My Backstory
As I indicted in my last post, I like to listen to multiple versions of
a song back-to-back, especially if they help me to understand an
artist's creative process (for that song).
YouTube helped me with Lights by hosting multiple versions of her song
Saviour. I listened to the official
(electro) music video, the acoustic
version, and a live
version. Then I got the lyrics and sang along, "Remember when
we were kids and always knew when to quit it..." I like that line most.
I never used to be this into music. Music was important to me, but not
necessarily the production process of getting the music created. But
that changed when I wrote my novel Hopes
and Dreams: Stuck on AutoDrive,
because it was all about the people who had been the behind-the-scenes
people. My novel changed me; I had questions about the music. Did
Lights write her own songs? Who did the
artwork for The Listening CD cover and the Saviour music video? I
needed the CD, which is available from Target and iTunes. I
needed it for the music and for the reading
material. I decided to get it at
her concert.
Concert Review
Lights with Stars of Track and Field gave a good,
energetic concert.
I hadn't heard Stars of Track and Field before. They had
lively
lyrics, sang with gusto, and showed no visible signs of the disasters
they dealt with just before the show.
Lights came out happy to be in Minneapolis, leaving difficulties en
route behind her, and poured herself into her songs.
She talked about her music and a little about the process (her
song Pretend). She messed with (teased) the audience a bit, which is
always a good idea. And she played her music like she owned it.
Afterwards I bought the CD, t-shirt, a tote bag... they didn't have a
Lights lunch box or breakfast cereal, so I didn't get everything.
I suppose I could have just asked her my questions, but I didn't want
to hold everyone up.
"The Listening" CD Insert
Lights either wrote or co-wrote all of her songs, the CD insert tells
me. And while it doesn't come right out and say that Lights is the
artist who drew everything, the CD says she lead the layout and design.
I think she's the artist.
Lights is an outstanding
artist-singer-songwriter.
Picture1
............ Picture
2 ............
Picture 3
Music Association: Lights -
Saviour
Studio Recording Bootlegs
October 15, 2009
In the process of making music, there are usually many out-takes and
attempts and discussions. When producers and musicians make these
recordings available to the public, the recordings become studio
recording bootlegs.
During the Help
Me Rhonda Sessions,
we hear Brian Wilson talking with his abusive, alcoholic father, Murry
Wilson, and wonder how the Beach Boys were ever able to get their music
recorded. Early Beatles recording sessions seemed 
relaxed
through snippets found on the Anthology
CDs, but later sessions revealed tensions within the band. The
session out-takes
of Bruce Springsteen's Born To Run include strings and backup singers,
causing the listener to wonder, "Is he kidding?"
Music Association:
Beach Boys - Don't Worry Baby
NASA
to Blow Up the Moon
-- Tomorrow!
October 8, 2009
NASA will be driving a 5200 pound Centaur rocket into the moon's
surface on Friday with live-streaming
video [update: they couldn't figure out the live
video].
They say the mission is for scientific
stuff
(ice for drinks), but the real reason NASA wants to blow up the moon is
that the moon keeps getting in the way of the rest of the universe.
"We always forget about the moon. We line up our telescopes just right
and Bammo! We have a closeup of another crater," a NASA official said.
"Here's a picture of what
the moon will look like, post L-CROSS."
Music Association:
Pink Floyd - Dark Side of the Moon - Brain Damage
Cartoon Association: Bugs Bunny - Haredevil Hare
War
Scenarios
October 5, 2009
Top minds are debating which way the war should go. The lives
of a great many
people may be determined
by the principle of the fight. Is it a long, drawn-out battle to
instigate real change in the regional way of life? Or is it simply a
case of revenge against wrong-doings? I'm not going to tonight's game,
but I plan to watch it very closely. [The Vikings beat the Packers
30-23.]
Music
Association: Colbie Caillat - Battle "I just hope
it's worth the fight."
It's Still The
Metrodome, Right?
October 2, 2009
On Monday, the Vikings
with Favre
take on the Packers without Favre at the Mall of America Field. This is
just to confuse the easily confused. Starting on Monday, the Vikings
will play on the Mall of America Field at the Hubert H. Humphrey
Metrodome, thanks to some new signs and money trading hands.
Here's how it works: the easily confused people -- who normally enter
the Metrodome in the wrong section and then try to orbit the field to
their actual seats without going back to the concourse -- will read
that the Vikings will play on the Mall of America Field, head to
Bloomington, get directed to the Vikings Lockerroom, and then sent to
the Metrodome, only to become re-confused by the new signs.
The Vikings should make shirts with maps to the Mall of America Field,
saying "You Are Here."
Music Association: Genesis -
Misunderstanding
The Next New
Thing
October 1, 2009
I just got the next new thing after months of study and
shopping
around and product analysis. And now that I've gotten the thing, I'm
not using it. I plan to use it. And I know I have to use it, other than
just testing it, to make sure that it really works the way I will use
it, prior to the end of the warranty. I just haven't gotten over the
hurdle of actually using it.
I don't know why I'm not using it.
It could be that after all the planning and deciphering and
installation, I don't see it as a useful addition to my household so
much as a challenge to overcome. It could be that I view it as a really
expensive trophy (although I highly doubt that, since I've always
dismissed trophies). It could be that I'm just adjusting to the change
of having something new to use.
I don't know.
Music Association: Billy Joel -
Don't Ask Me Why
Outstanding
Vikings Win
September 27, 2009
The Minnesota Vikings scramble to beat the San Francisco 49ers
with a
score of 27 to 24, making them undefeated after three games. Whatta
game!
Music Association: Red McCloud -
Skol Vikings
Free
Cleaner
September 27, 2009
A free
monitor
cleaner is available, with an
alternative
here.
This one works
twice
as fast but is twice as slow to load.
WARNING:
THESE CLEANERS WILL NOT PREVENT THE SPREAD OF H1N1.
Music Association: Depeche Mode
- Clean
Health
September 25, 2009
What's funny about the health care debate is that it isn't about health
care. It's about medical insurance. Now I'm all for saving lives, but
I'd rather talk about health and wellness.
I feel good. I've done physical things this summer that I never
would've tried as a kid. I'm healthy. And I owe much of my physical
health to a healthy mind.
How do I sum up the phrase "healthy mind?" My
novel
is all about having a healthy mind; it teaches by example -- inside the
main character's mind. You could say it's about positive thinking, but
I'd disagree. Positive thinking sounds like whitewash, like a smile
when you don't feel like smiling. And it's not about being naive or
oblivious. It's about making good, creative choices -- deciding what
things are worth thinking about and what things aren't worth thinking
about.
Having a healthy mind means dismissing unhealthy,
destructive thoughts in favor of healthy, creative thoughts...
and
looking for good humor. Good humor is the funny stuff that's not
mean-spirited. It is not the most obvious humor offered, but to me,
it's the only humor that hits me as being really funny... uh-oh, now
I'm starting to define comedy and nothing is inherently less
funny
than defining comedy: explaining the rule of threes, the pause, and why
Cleveland is funny. Time to cue the music association and get outta
here.
Music Association: James Brown -
I Feel Good
Cool
Change
September 23, 2009
A cool gray fog descends on the Twin Cities as if someone inadvertently
flicked the great temperature inversion switch, despite the
number
of times they have been specifically told not to touch the switch.
Music Association: Little River
Band - Cool Change
Blink If You Hear Scary Music
September 16, 2009
Scary music is more scary if your eyes are closed, say researchers
playing with an fMRI in Israel. Which makes sense because most people
shut their eyes when they hear either Michael Bolton or Kenny Gorelick.
The researchers did not use Bolton or Gorelick music, and instead
experimented with Hitchcock music. When asked why Hitchcock, in a phone
interview assisted by an interpreter, the reply was, "This music was
intentionally scary."
Kenny G will be in Minneapolis in December.
Bolton
could appear at any time.
Music Association: anything by
Bolton, Gorelick... um... Manilow...
090909
September 9, 2009
Does it matter that it's 090909? Nope. I just like the music
association.
Music Association: Beatles -
Number 9
Even
My Pets Have Pets
September 7, 2009
Music Association: Bob
Dylan - Catfish
Vikings v. Cowboys
September 5, 2009
Music Association: Hank Williams
Jr. - Ready For Some Football
Liking
v. Wanting
September 4, 2009
Many people in the State Fair
crowd carry stuffed
animals around that they won at the Midway. Giant puppies are carried
around on the shoulders, obscuring the person underneath.
Okay, I think
there was always a person underneath.
There were also monkeys coming out of bananas. They looked
ape-peeling. I liked them. But I didn't have to have one, which -- I
know -- is fairly un-American, un-capitalistic, un-"Get out your
credit cards: Ronco and K-Tel have teamed up for some junk that you
won't want to miss!" of me.
I'll look at something, smile, admire the
creativity... maybe
compliment it or its creator... and then I'll walk away. I can like
something without having to have it.
And if you want it -- great. I might even get it for you. I just don't
need it myself.
Money magazine made up a list of ways to save
$500 a month.
I looked at it at the grocery store. I speedread, so all magazine
articles are fluff to me. My reactions to the list went something like:
"I already do that. And that. And that. I don't even need to do that. I
already do that. That doesn't belong on the list. And that I already
do..."
It turns out that they couldn't save a $1 a month.
Many of their suggestions would cost more. And that
would make a monkey out of me.
Music Association: Sheryl Crow -
Soak Up The Sun "It's not having what you want. It's
wanting what you've got."
Best
State Fair in the State
September 3, 2009
The numbers are in for the first half of the Minnesota State Fair, and
it has broken attendance records for two of the six days. Plus, the
fair sticks out as one of the top 50 state fairs in the country.
Record setting
dates & crowds:
8-27-2009 = 114,439
9-1-2009 = 129,423
Music Association: Simon
& Garfunkel - Minnesota State (Scarborough) Fair
"Are you going to the Minnesota State Fair? Cheese curds, crowds, and
food on a stick."
Last Night's Dream
August 29, 2009
I had a dream last night that I was working with a group of people,
building a structure that looked like scaffolding, using materials that
were similar to Tinkertoys, only larger and much stronger. People were
climbing the structure while it was being built around them. The dream
did not meet OSHA standards.
While everyone else was taking a break, I got this picture from the dream.
Music Association:
Beyoncé - Sweet Dreams
Favre,
Rosenfels, & the Vikings
August 19, 2009
The
Minnesota Vikings have Brett Favre. Now they need to make a cohesive
team. The coaches should practice Brett Favre and Sage
Rosenfels
quarterback combinations.
The Vikings will need both of them to lead the team.
Music Association - Sheb Wooley
- The Purple People Eater
"Favre went on his way
and then what do you
know
I saw him last night
interviewed on a TV show
He was blowing it out
and really knocking 'em
dead
wearing a number 4
jersey
and a Vikings helmet on
his head."
Night Moves
August 17, 2009
Neuroscientists messing around
with an fMRI at
the University of Alberta have determined that night people are
different from day people. "You'd be surprised," says Dave
Collins,
"they're as different as night and day."
The researchers asked subjects to show up whenever they felt like, and
in that way, differentiated the day people from the night people. I'm
either a day person who stays out, or a night person who gets up too
damned early. This photo shows Minneapolis teetering on the threshold
of night and day.
Music Association: U2 - New
Year's Day "I want to be with you, be with you, night and
day."
Historical Documentaries v. Music
August 1, 2009
In film school, all undergraduate or graduate level courses discussing
historical documentaries save the discussion of background music for
the end of the course. By the end of the course, so much extra time was
spent discussing acting styles used in historical reenactments that the
professor only has time for one statement regarding background music:
"This
will be on the final so listen up -- for historical documentaries the
only instrument used for background music is... anyone... anyone... the
banjo."
And on the test it says, "The one instrument for background music of
historical documentaries is:
A. Accordian
B. Tuba
C. Banjo
D. Player Piano"
After the final, some student will try to make an argument for the
player piano, when
clearly
the player piano is for westerns,
specifically the introduction of a town or a saloon.
When producing a historical documentary, even if it's "Minneapolis in
the 1970s," a banjo player will be contacted. "We need some background
music for five interludes, spanning 0:56, 2:13, 1:07, 0:49, and let's
see 4:20," the producer says, "It has to be original. It can't be
anything we have to get the rights to; we only do that for film
rights." The banjo player asks, "How long do I have to compose the
music?"
"We need it this afternoon."
And that's why historical documentaries are so unwatchable by people
passionate about music. The music isn't music. And generally those
banjo tracks were recorded twenty years ago and have
been re-cut
and
reused ever since. Banjo 8174 (1:10 relooped to 3:58) is sitting
on a shelf at Twin Cities Public Television (TPT) right now, waiting
for the
next historical documentary.
Music Association: Journey -
Who's Crying Now
"It's been a history, still they try to see, why something good can
hurt so bad."
North St. Paul's Snowman is 35
July 23,
2009
How
cool is it to be a snowman and have your birthday in July?
A tip of the hat to the North St. Paul Snowman, who turns 35
today and is still smiling because he still
looks cool.
Music Association: Foreigner -
Cold As Ice
Speed Traps for Speed Reading
Concert Lengths & Application Replies
July 21, 2009
One of the biggest
problems with speed reading
is that I am looking for quality and I remember the quality
and I
try to ignore the crap, which is the whole point to speed reading, but
sometimes the crap hits a nerve.
For example, I read
something somewhere about
someone saying that concerts should last two or three hours and that
new bands should fill in the time playing covers of other bands' songs.
Right. Musicians have it way too easy.
Let's put more pressure on them. Let's make all concerts last two and a
half hours with three intermissions of ten minutes evenly spaced
throughout the concert. The band must play the full schedule even if no
one shows up or they are booed or people start throwing beer bottles. I'd rather have quality any day.
I also read that people are getting frustrated that their online job
applications aren't being answered. Right. It has become exceedingly
easy to apply for jobs online, and there are fewer jobs available. Some
companies post jobs for only a day as a way of limiting the
applications received, and even then they can receive 600 applications.
I will help out the frustrated people with some advice: if you didn't get a response,
you didn't get the job. Keep trying.
Music
Association: Jackson Browne - Load Out "People,
you've got
the power over what we do. You can sit there and wait, or you can pull
us through."
NASA Lost It
July 16, 2009
NASA has had a less-than-stellar reputation lately. They can't find
the original moon landing video. The good news is that they've
had
some people clean up a
copy
of the video. And kind of like when George Lucas cleaned up the
original Star Wars trilogy, some extra features have been added that
you won't want to miss.
All of this is in time for the 40th anniversary of the moon landing
that took place on July 20, 1969.
Music Association: David Bowie -
Major Tom "Now it's time to lose the video if you dare."
Honka Honka
July 15, 2009
A woman was asking me today how I can be so creative. My question is
how do you turn the creativity off? Or how can people
not
be creative? Talk-radio was on in her office. Well, that
choice
right there takes away some independent thinking. I like my news like I
like my food -- not always raw, but certainly not pre-digested.
Last night in one of my dreams, I was talking to Bruce Willis in the
movie, The Sixth Sense. I whispered, "I see funny people." I pinched
his nose and it went --
honka
- honka -- like a bike horn.
At virtually the same time as my dream, Science Daily reported
something
about how to detect early signs of Alzheimer's. Now, I never clicked on
the link to the article, I'm not even certain the link works, but I'm
going to take my shot at this one without any research at all, with the
Top 10 early signs of Alzheimer's. Ready, go!
10. They tell the same stories but have
lost control of the facts.
"Were
you the one that died?"
9. They ask you questions in
a way that makes it seem like they know the answer:
"What day of the week is it? I
know it's one of the days ending in a Y."
8. They can't pay attention
for long --
"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."
-- periods of time.
7. They attack those that are
trying to help them the most.
6. They call you by someone
else's name.
5. When asked what their name
is, you hear them mutter
"Happy
birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear--"
And then they answer. But they're still wrong.
4. They aren't the sharpest
knife in the drawer or the brightest bulb on the tree.
3. They've suddenly stopped
talking to you because they don't talk to strangers.
2. Their top ten lists don't
have ten items.
1. You find them in the lost
& found.
Music Association:
Frank Sinatra - Forget To Remember
Now and Zen
Zen and the Art of Eating
July 10, 2009
I am what I eat
but what I eat is not me
I eat what I need
not so much needing to eat
The stuff of me is being replaced so slowly
a thimble of food could cover today
I'm healthy not for what I eat
so much as how I think
Music Association: Edie Brickell
& the New Bohemians - What I Am "philosophy is the
talk on a cereal box"
Understanding the News
Ethnic Violence in Northwestern China
July 7, 2009
Ethnic violence is boiling over in Ürümqi, the
capital of China's Xinjiang province, and I know why.
Ürümqi, on the Asian steppes, is remote. It's the
most
landlocked city in the world... even more remote than Duluth. And it's
hot, with high temperatures in the upper 80s this week. Of course,
violence is going to boil over. And people will overturn buses. It must
take forever to get anywhere by bus. You want to see the sea?
Forgetaboutit.
Music Association:
Eddie Money - Gimme Some Water
Red-headed
League
Me Primitive!
July 2, 2009
I like to think of myself as being primitive. I could use a rock as a
stylus on an iPhone, that sort of thing. But cavemen are never
portrayed as having red hair, and neither are Neanderthal or
Cro-magnons. I've checked all the museums and Geico commercials and
other
than Wilma and Pebbles, there weren't any prehistoric redheads.
Almost as if being redheaded is more advanced, like a precursor to dyed
hair. Supposedly.
And yet Redhairday
is a two-day
festival in the Netherlands. (Nice counting, Red.)
And researchers
at the University of Pittsburgh and the Buffalo Museum say that humans
have more common characteristics with modern orangutans than modern
chimps. Ah-ha!
So red hair isn't so advanced after all. I'm off to club me
some dinner.
Music Association: The Monkees -
The Monkees
Doctor's Association
June 30, 2009
I'm not a doctor. I wouldn't want to be a doctor. I disagree with them
all the time.
One example is that I never hear doctors suggesting that people eat and
take
vitamins
based on what they are about to do, upcoming events. I do this all the
time. It's like packing for a trip, planning what you are going to
wear, only it's planning what food stuffs and nutrients that you'll
need for what you're going to be doing. And I'm practiced enough at it
that it's second nature.
It's not that I've talked to doctors about this. "Hey doc, I'm trying
to decide what to eat for dinner..." I just can't imagine doctors being
too receptive to deciding meals.
Another example of a doctor that I've argued with and never talked to
is the neurologist Dr. Oliver Sacks. He was on the Daily Show last
night and was on
Nova tonight. He's the doctor that wrote
The Man That Mistook His Wife
For A Hat. I've never written to him about that book, but
my key
concerns when reading it were that he didn't look for event
causality when behavioral
changes occurred. Instead, he focused on medications. And I ended up
yelling at a book.
Tonight on Nova, he shows what music does to people who love music, and
it's therapeutic properties.
But like an armchair neurologist, I end up telling the television that
even though music is important to me and important to him, it's not, as
he said, the only answer. There must be a world of other
subjects
that could have the same potential, that could reach the people that
music doesn't: animals and pets, drawing - painting - pottery, plants
and landscapes, foods, reading, movies... things that capture the
imagination and the creativity of music.
Music Association:
Robert Palmer - Bad Case of Loving You "No
pill’s gonna cure my ill."
Politics
Politicians And Morality
June 25, 2009
LiveScience studies "Why
Politicians Cheat On Their Wives" today. The article leans on
the power corrupts
issue, but maybe it's more basic than that, like the ends justify the means
or something. A simple solution might be found over on today's
ScienceDaily which highlights "Contracts
Without Lawyers."
It's about the European Union trying to computerize the contract making
process. Maybe it's just me, but I see a future correlation.
Music Association:
Eagles - Lying Eyes "You can't hide your lying
eyes, and your smile's a thin disguise."
History
Often The Best Technology Is The Simplest
June 24, 2009
Code talkers were honored at the Minnesota History 
Center
last night.
Code talkers were Native American soldiers fighting in World War I and
WWII and using native languages as codes. The German Enigma multi-rotor
cipher machine code and the
Japanese Purple cipher were broken, but the
code languages of the code talkers were never broken.
During WWI, Choctaw was first used in October 1918, leading to
Comanche, Cheyenne, Cherokee, Osage and Yankton code talkers. The irony
was that back in
the U.S., government policy prohibited the use of native languages.
During WWII, Navajo
Marines were standard communicators, while the Army used Assiniboine,
Cherokee, Chippewa,
Choctaw
Kiowa, Comanche, Dakota,
Hopi,
Lakota,
Menominee, Muscogee
Creek, Oneida, Pawnee,
Seminole, and Meskwaki
(Iowa) soldiers for communications.
(Frank Sanache, last of the
Meskwaki code
talkers, died in Aug 2004.) Some code talkers also served in
the Korean War and the Vietnam War.
The History Center is also hosting the Lego Minnesota Capitol and the
Lego St. Paul Cathedral by Roy
Cook.
Music Association: Raiders
- Indian Reservation "Took away our native tongue
and taught their English to our young."
Time:
The Moment Before Gravity Starts
June 23, 2009
There are moments in Road Runner cartoons when Wile E.
Coyote
runs off a cliff but doesn't know he's off a cliff and gravity doesn't
react until he knows he is floating in mid-air. That's metaphysics.
Yesterday I saw a cottonwood puffball floating in mid-air without
moving. It hadn't realized it was floating in mid-air.
When water balloons
burst,
there is a brief moment when the balloon is gone, but the water is
still in the balloon shape, as if it hasn't realized that the balloon
is gone, and nothing is holding it up. Recognizing those moments is
very cool.
Music Association:
Nick Lowe - Cruel to Be Kind
"You pick yourself up off the ground,
just to have gravity knock you back down -- again and again."
(I hope you didn't expect Nena's 99 Luftballons or the 5th Dimension's
Up, Up, & Away...)
Blast It
NASA
to Blow Up the Moon!
June 22, 2009
NASA just launched L-CROSS, a rocket which is scheduled to blow
up the moon. Tomorrow (6-23), there will be live
streaming video from the rocket.
The coverup for the mission is scientific
stuff, but the real reason NASA wants to blow up the moon is
that the moon keeps getting in the way of the rest of the universe.
"We always forget about the moon. We line up our telescopes just right
and Bammo! We have a closeup of another crater," a NASA official said.
"Here's a picture of what
the moon will look like, post L-CROSS."
Music Association:
Pink Floyd - Dark Side of the Moon - Brain Damage
Cartoon Association: Bugs Bunny - Haredevil Hare (view)
Music Association: Bob
Seger - Still The Same
By The Numbers
Stop
Eating Cell Phones
June 17, 2009
The Center
for Disease Control (CDC)
reports that 20% of American households have cell phones but no
landline phones. And they report that most of those households are
primarily college aged. But what they don't report is why they are
asking the question. The CDC defers to the World
Health Organization (WHO)
regarding cell phones causing cancer. The WHO says that cell phones
don't cause cancer, but they don't mention the hazard of people
swallowing cell phones, which may be only an American problem, not a
world health issue.
So stop eating cell phones; they're bad for you, and besides 1 in 5 of
you will have a tough time calling 911 without them.
Music Association:
Blondie - Call Me "Call me on the line. Call me,
call me any- anytime."
Impressive
How
To Do A Sean Connery Impression
June 16, 2009
A close personal friend of mine launched into a Sean
Connery
impression recently that had me rolling on the floor laughing.
And
then it left me wondering how to teach someone to do a Sean Connery
impression.
1. Clarity and
Enunciation Are Overrated
All actors have speech impediments.
That, like all generalizations, is not true.
But still, don't worry about not being understood.
People can buy another ticket to the movie or replay the scene on a DVD.
2. Your Top
Row Of Teeth
Your top row of teeth will get in the way of your talking as Sean
Connery.
You will try to talk around them, either to the left or right or under
them or through them or somehow over them,
all within the same sentence.
3. Plurals
Should Be Hushed
If a word ends in an S, change it to SH or SSSH.
For example, Mountains becomes Mountain-ssh.
4. The Accent
The Sean Connery accent isn't thoroughly Scottish, nor is it thoroughly
English.
The word Horses sounds like Houses, but with the SH at the end.
5. Verbal
Emphasis
Sean Connery will emphasize the verb.
So "Harry knows you went to the movies." becomes "Harry KNOWSH you went to
the moviesh."
6. Shampoo.
Rinse. Repeat.
You aren't limited to the number of words in the script.
Feel free to repeat yourself... take pauses... for increased
emphasis and screen time.
My name is Bond. (pause) James Bond.
Music
Association: The Animals - Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood
"I'm just a soul whose impressions are good..."
Don't Try This At Home
A&W
Float Drink
June 11, 2009
Minnesota has a saying, "Whatever floats your boat." That could
be the slogan for the new root
beer float in a bottle from the people who should know
about frosty mug taste, the Allen & Wright -- A&W --
people.
I don't know how they got it wrong. Maybe they hired someone with no
taste buds. Or someone with a grudge. Maybe they outsourced their
taste-testing department. Maybe they're looking for a bailout for their
boat. I don't know. But this gray liquid doesn't remind me of root beer
or vanilla ice cream or root beer floats. It reminds me of something
that usually has a warning label...
"We'd normally
recommend that you induce vomiting, but this product is way ahead
of you."
Do not buy this. It's expensive, bad for you, and tastes awful. It's
like one of those experimental foods that they put on a stick and serve
at the Minnesota State Fair. If I'm going to drink something this
awful, it has to at least be good for me.
Music Association: Beach Boys -
Chug-A-Lug "Give me some root beer."
Movie Lines
Favorite Movies
June 10, 2009
Movies have incredible potential, I say because I
want to
say that movies are great, but they can just kill time. When they're
good, they tell a story, and they tell about who we are.
22 Favorite
Movies
Amélie
Poulain (2001)
North By Northwest (1959)
Bridge Over The River Kwai (1957)
Stalag 17 (1953)
The Great Escape (1963)
The Magnificent Seven (1960)
Twelve Angry Men (1957)
The Princess Bride (1987) |
A
Hard Days Night (1964)
That Thing You Do (1996)
Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)
Duck Soup (1933)
Dr. Strangelove (1964)
The Thin Man (1934)
Monty Python & the Holy Grail (1975) |
Casablanca
(1942)
The Sting (1973)
The Good, the Bad & the Ugly
(1966)
2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
Star Wars (1977)
Empire Strikes Back (1980)
The Matrix (1999) |
The choices people make when they can select from anything
is
interesting. It tells a great deal about who they are at a particular
moment. I used to think North By Northwest was my favorite movie. The
story was about someone handling the odd things that life threw at him
as best as he could. Now I think my favorite movie is
Amélie,
which is about someone who makes subtle differences in many people's
lives. The difference between the movies is the difference between
reactive and proactive. Both movies are directed by incredible
directors -- Alfred Hitchcock 
and
Jean-Pierre Jeunet. It's odd that I can like Amélie
Poulain
so much because of the way I feel about Roman Holiday.
Roman Holiday is a great movie until Audrey Hepburn (Anya) cuts her
hair, and ends up looking like Amélie. Her haircut bothers
me
more than any horror movie. She just looked too good with long hair.
Both movies have the couple riding a motorbike, almost like
the Amélie motorbike
scene was Jeunet's homage to Roman Holiday.
I hadn't known until putting together this list that Stalag 17 was made
in 1953 and The Great Escape was made ten years later in 1963. Both are
World War II POW camp movies and both are downbeat in ways, but the
earlier Stalag 17 is more oppressive and less in control than The Great
Escape.
My list above contains war movies, comedies, science fiction, and
westerns. It has movies about real and fictional bands -- The Beatles
and The Wonders (The Oneders). It has movies from every decade since
the 1920s, but more are from the 1960s than any other decade. I can't
recommend all these movies to all people, but each movie is well made.
If you look any one of them up and it sounds interesting, then consider
it recommended.
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Music Association: The Wonders -
That Thing You Do
Urban Living
Solar Power Me
June 8, 2009
A solar powered car from the University of
Minnesota
Institute of Technology just took first place at the Formula Sun Grand
Prix. The Centaurus
ran for 187 miles on a closed track in Cresson, Texas during the
three-day race, beating its closest competitor by 94 laps. Which is
great, but I want solar power closer to home.
I want a roof-full of solar energy producing roofing
shingles and solar energy producing window
curtains and an iUnika
solar-powered netbook... please.
Music Association: The
Beatles - Here Comes The Sun
Grand Old Day
June
7, 2009
For six
bucks, they'll check your ID and
give you a wristband at St. Paul's Grand Old Day. And you may
think, "Okay, they are making sure the (mostly) men are at least 21 to
get past the cattle gates and into the beer pens."
And you'd be right, except that I heard a rumor that this one old guy
show his ID and a squad of yellow T-shirt wearing SECURITY guys hauled
him up to shoulder level and tossed him off Grand Avenue and in the
general direction of Summit Avenue. So it's really Grand Oldless Day.
In the picture, that's the Honeydogs on the left and G.B. Leighton on
the right.
Music Association: The
Honeydogs - Rumor Has It It's True
Forgot Their Air Guitars
June 6, 2009
Cami "Airisol" Phillippi won the U.S. Air Guitar
Championships again at Minneapolis's Varsity
Theater last night.
She's improved, while most of her competition forgot their air guitars
at home. Or they forgot their picks. Or they were just a few strings
short of an air guitar.
But Airisol was phenomenal. She made us believe.
Music Association: Pink Floyd -
Breathe in the Air
Heroes
June 4, 2009
Most of my heroes are dead, but this guy,
Tianan
Man, is only
probably
dead.
There is a huge difference between probably dead and
all-the-way dead. Okay, not huge, but still there's enough
room for
hope
to squeak through.
Someday... although not anytime soon... there will be a statue in
Tiananman Square in his honor. He will be huge, but the statue of the
tank will still be larger.
PURPOSEFUL SPELLING
ERRORS HAVE BEEN INCLUDED IN THIS POST TO THWART C E N S O R
S H I P
Music Association:
Paper Lace - "Billy Don't Be A Hero"
Oh So Superior
Lake
Superior On The Rise
June 3, 2009
After dropping to record lows in 2007, Lake Superior is on
the rise in 2009.
That's surprising because May was drier than any May since 1934, you
know, during the Depression Dust Bowl Days on the Great Plains.
So Superior is on the rise, inch by inch, but not as fast as it should
be rising.
An inch of water depth might not seem like much, but on Lake Superior
it's about 71 cubic feet, which is enough water to fill Lake Mille
Lacs.
Lake Superior is about 14
inches deeper now than it was in July 2007. That's 14 Lake
Mille Lacs.
But there are worse droughts nationwide. If you look at a map of
drought in the U.S., the northwestern Wisconsin watershed is bad,
California is worse, and southern Texas is really parched.
Twin Cities lake levels are also down. White Bear Lake is three feet
below average, which means that boat repair business is up, according
to WCCO.
I optimistically say, the lakes are more than half full.
Music Association:
Gordon Lightfoot - Edmund Fitzgerald "The big lake
they call Gichigami."
Prospects
Are Looking Up For Lovers
May 30, 2009
Last
night, hundreds of couples looked out over Minneapolis and St.
Paul from
the Prospect Park Tower observation deck. And these weren't ordinary
couples. These were the Hold You Close couples, the soft conversations
leaning over a table-for-two-that's-in-the-way-of-their-love couples...
couples full of hopes and dreams. One of the great things about being
head-over-heels in love is that you all just happen to gravitate to the
same places, every now and then, like an emotional convention of soft
smiles and snuggles.
The Witch's
Hat Tower on Tower Hill in Prospect Park
in Minneapolis is only open for a few hours each year on the Friday
following Memorial Day. It's a place that is a key location in my
novel, Hopes and Dreams: Stuck on
AutoDrive. And on a clear day you can see a waterfall of
little red hearts floating out from the tower and drifting over the
Twin Cities.
Music Association: Huey Lewis -
Power of Love "That's the Tower of Love"
ELO - Livin' Thing "Moving in line you look back in time to
the
first day. You and your sweet desire, you took me higher and higher."
I Doubt That...
May 28, 2009
People are generally optimistic, a recent study
from the University of Kansas and Gallup Inc. reports, but I disagree.
I am always optimistic, except with regard to other people's optimism.
That's when I get damned pessimistic. I am always doing nice things for
strangers, and people are always looking for motive, as if my holding a
door for them will be investigated on some CSI: Doors & Entranceways
show. It reminds me of a story:
In a grammar class, the teacher said, "In English, two negatives equal
a positive statement. In Spanish, two negatives are a negative
statement. But no language has two positives equaling a negative
statement."
A kid in the back of the class said, "Yeah, right."
Music Association: Elvis -
Suspicious Minds "And we can't build our dreams on suspicious
minds."
Missing Link Found
May 23, 2009
Leaning
off a twenty foot ladder, I unfastened, reached, and pulled a heavy,
aluminum-glass storm window off my antique home. When it came off, I
let its momentum swing it under the ladder and into my other hand.
Heavy and fragile -- that's my favorite sort of construction project. I
want more. All the
swinging
and
reaching
and
lifting
high up in the urban canopy satisfies the ape-man in me, the ape-man of
the antique home. I am the missing link.
When
caring for antiques, there are no instruction books of steps to
take because the age and uniqueness demand extra care, creativity, and
effort to prevent repairs from becoming demolition exercises. So I
carried down the storm window, took it to an antique window service
station, and got it fixed. I prepped the location by scraping,
spackling, and painting. I hauled the window back up the ladder, swung
it
into place, and it didn't fit. So I took a hammer to it.
I
forgot to mention. Don't try this at home. Really, don't do any of the
things that I do. There
has
to be faster, easier ways of doing just about every thing that I do.
You aren't the ape-man. Back to the story, I took a mallet to the
window and hammered it this way and that. At first, it seemed like it
wouldn't fit back in, and at best I would break the window into window
pieces. But I was able to wedge the window back in, reaching and
fastening it back into place.
Music Association:
Beatles - I Am The Walrus "I am the ape-man."
Urban Living
The Living Green Expo
May 22, 2009
The Living Green Expo was at the fairgrounds a few weeks
ago and was a bit of a disappointment.
I was looking for a variety of products and information that could
assist my green living. For example, I've heard good things about worm
bins (vermicomposting), and I would have liked to see a list (a poster)
of the items that worms eat and don't eat, but that wasn't there. I was
also looking for a solar powered battery charger like this
one, only less expensive.
I would've also liked to see some things that I know about that others
should know about, like this bright solar-powered
LED flashlight, or that Batteries
Plus will recycle your batteries.
Music Association: Al Green -
Let's Stay Together
Dakota
Topsoil Blows Through Minnesota
May 20, 2009
That's some good looking topsoil sent blowing through Minnesota from
North and South Dakota today. Kind of chunky, too. Look
paperwork!
I'm going to try to catch it.
Hey, it's a deed! Someone must have figured that as long as their land
was moving they'd might as well send the paperwork too.
Music Associations: Kansas -
Dust In The Wind
Foreigner
- Dirty White Boy
Ray
Charles - Yes Indeed "When it hits you, yes, in deed." |
Synaptic
Pruning Revisited
Science Says
What?
May 18, 2009
One train of thought leaves the University of California
at
Davis headed for Wichita, traveling at 60mph, while another train of
thought leaves Washington University in St. Louis heading for Wichita
at a tenth the speed of the first train of thought.
The first train of thought is the concept of synaptic
pruning,
that says that in childhood there is a great proliferation of
connections within the brain and during adolescence the connections are
pruned 
back. This train of thought
explains the differences in the way
adults think, as well as explaining the creativity and
impressionability of children.
The second train of thought, just introduced through ScienceDaily, is
that adults have more long
distance communications
within their brains. This train of thought explains superior adult
intelligence compared to the lack of forethought by children. (I think
I missed that train of thought at the station.)
Can both theories be correct?
Possibly. Parents sometimes challenge children through early learning
of
language, math, computers, and such. "My Toddler Is An Honors
Student." Others aren't challenged until they set out on their own as
adults. And many others fall somewhere inbetween these two extremes.
Maybe these two trains of thought need to meet in the middle.
Music Association: Pink Floyd -
Another Brick in the Wall "We don't need no thought control."
I'm
Feeling Lucky
May 16, 2009
My blooming urban yard has golden cedar waxwings munching
on
apple blossom petals, honeybees buzzing around the purple and white
lilacs, a nuthatch laughs from somewhere, and the variety of tulips and
daffodils throw in all the reds, yellows, and oranges not found
anywhere else in the yard.
I don't believe in luck; I believe in probabilities. But if I did
believe in luck, I'm lucky. I wish others felt this lucky.
Less than one percent of Google's customers use the "I'm
Feeling
Lucky" button on the Google 
main page. I hope it's not
representational
of whether people actually feel lucky or not.
Music Association: Tom Petty -
You Got Lucky
Invent This
You Light Up My Molecules
May 15, 2009
Some inventions are invented just so that people can
marvel over
them. And some ideas are thought up just so that a light bulb
will appear over the inventor's head. It's handier than a flashlight.
UCLA
physicists have invented the world's smallest light
bulb, with a carbon nanotube filament
that's just 100 atoms wide. Chris Regan, UCLA assistant professor of
physics, claims
the 
purpose
is "to understand how Planck's law gets modified at small length
scales, because both the topic and the size scale are on the
boundary between the two theories."
Right. You don't make a tiny light bulb without plans for something
greater, such as headlamps for the world's tiniest car... or the
smallest monitor on the world's smallest computer... or the smallest
house in the world's smallest town.
Music Association: Journey -
Lights
Recession
News
When One Door Closes, Another
Opens
But What Happens When
Many Doors Close?
May 14, 2009
Weeks ago, I made a list of Twin
Cities job
cuts and business closings. I just added Chrysler
dealerships, GM
dealerships, Hennepin County Medical Center (job cuts), and Seagate
Technology (job cuts) information.
I am an extremely
optimistic person. And yet I can tell you that the "one door closes,
another opens" adage isn't necessarily an optimistic statement.
To illustrate, here are two galleries (one
& two)
of cool pictures of places where many doors opened after many doors
closed.
Music Association: Semisonic -
Closing Time
By the Numbers, Bugs Me
Ants
Surveyed; Some Richer Despite Recession
May 14, 2009
Australian
Rainforest -
The light was dim under a
rainforest canopy,
and I was pissing off a bright green ant with the spotlight
from my
flashlight. He was doing Elvis Presley hip swivels with his
front
arms over his head to show his displeasure at the spotlight. Or he was
acting up, and the bright green velvet suit was just his style.
But that was years ago. I'm sure the ant has forgotten all about the
spotlight.
And yet the ant counters at Curtin University in Perth,
Australia have just reported that Australian ants
are ticked (and Australian ticks are antsy but that's another study).
These Australian
ant
counters (count-ants) have contacted the international
ant counting community and have compared ant counts. What
they've found is that southern hemisphere ants are richer
and more diverse
than northern ants. Southern ant portfolios are mostly sound and
stable; they
avoided high-risk investments of their northern
counterparts, and they diversified in green technologies. And yet, they
have a
predisposition to attack flashlights.
Music Association: Joe Walsh -
Life's Been Good "'Countants pay for it all."
By the Numbers
Lies,
Damned Lies, & Statistics
May 12, 2009
Mark Twain quoted Benjamin Disraeli saying, "There are three kinds of
lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics." I never liked statistics very
much because they never represented me much, until I
stopped taking
them seriously. For example, the circulation of TV Guide in 1997 was
13,103,187. Eleven years later in 2008, it was 3,256,962. During those
eleven years, TV Guide lost ten million readers and had three owners.
In October 2008, owner two, Macrovision, sold TV Guide to owner three, 
OpenGate
Capital, for one dollar -- one-third the $2.99 cover price. (That's a savings of $1.99.)
Meanwhile, TV is watched on average 151 hours per month, an all-time
high. But that doesn't mean it's all people do. A third of Internet
usage occurs while also watching TV.
National TV Turn-off week
is September 20-26, 2009. I wonder if it'll be televised.
Music Association: Genesis -
Turn It On Again "All I need is a TV show, that,
and the Internet."
Urban Living
The History of Post WWII Lawnmowers
May 8, 2009
You won't find this information anywhere else on the Internet, I
checked. After World War II, the Allies removed the weapons of war from
Europe and from Asia and brought them back to the United States. Tanks
were cut up and polished into heavy, too-durable lawnmowers that would
be pushed over lawns, flattening the land and cutting the grass at the
same time. The handles were low and wide to allow room for the
shoulders of several boys, all leaning and pushing the industrial
behemoth around the yard.
Lawn Warfare
was
what it was called, as neighbors pulled down fences and blurred
property lines to prevent the kids from ever finishing with the grass
trimming and land flattening. The boys would try to switch shoulders,
but invariably would end up with one shoulder larger than the other,
like having Popeye-forearms.
The boys became leaners, leaning against buildings or fenceposts or
cars or friends, anything to disguise their nearly humpbacked
lawnmowing shoulder. If there wasn't anything to lean against, they
rolled packs of cigarettes into the non-misshapen shoulder of
their t-shirts. They were the Leaning
Generation.
The Vietnam War caused all those post-WWII lawnmowers to be
recommissioned and sent back into active duty, leading to the creation
of lighter, easier to use lawnmowers in the flattered United States.
Music Association: Bill Withers
- Lean On Me
Department of Department Stores
May 7, 2009
Retail sales figures for April 2009 are down and out.
Comparing April 2009 to April 2008, Kohl's
is down -6.2%. JC Penney
is down -6.6%. Macy's
is down -9.1%. Nordstorm
is down -10.8%. Neiman
Marcus is down -22.5%. And Saks is down -32%.
Ouch!
Music Association: The Beatles -
I'm Down
Urban Living
Clean,
Green Lawn Mowing
May 7, 2009
When I was a kid, I cut the lawn with an iron tank-like
electric
mower with a cord. Half the chore was not running over the
extension cord.
I'm older now, and I've long since cut the cord. I just recessitated my
cordless 24V Ryobi Mulching Mower, with help from the great folks at
Batteries Plus. They didn't have a 24V replacement battery, so they
soldered two 12V batteries together. [details]
Music Association:
Fountains of Wayne - Stacy's Mom "Do you remember when I
mowed your lawn? Mowed your lawn."
Who's Been Feeding
My Dog?!?
May 6, 2009
My dog's other part time family just called. He hasn't been eating over
there. He hasn't been eating over here. But he's gained weight. We
think he's moonlighting with a third family.
My dog is affiliated with all sorts of companies and gets
all sorts of tail wagging deals:
Barnes & Noble
coupon (May 6-17, 2009) - save 10% on one
item with this
link (coupon code N3K4N8W)
Barnes & Noble members save 15% with this
link (coupon code P4W3B4A)
Music Association: Al Jarreau -
Moonlighting
"Some walk by night, some walk by day, who's been feeding you,
sit and stay (that's a good boy)."
Music Association
Outdoor Fan
May 4, 2009
I'm a big fan
of wind power.
Think of the advantages of living next to a big fan like this:
⋅
As a spinning clothes-line, clothes dry in half the time!
⋅
Save on air-conditioning costs!
⋅
It's better than a wind-sock at showing
which way the wind is blowing!
⋅
It slices: it dices!
⋅
And it's a faster, longer ride than most
ferris wheels!
I'm also a big fan of the bell choirs at St.
Olaf College. Three bell
choirs -- the Manitou Handbell Choir, the Chapel
Ringers, and the St. Olaf Handbell Choir -- performed at the annual
spring concert yesterday.
The Manitou Handbell
Choir
began, under the direction of student conductor Kristin Anderson, with
Praise to the Lord, The Almighty; Come, Holy Spirit; Chim Chim Cheree;
and Jubilant Celebration (aka. Simple Gifts
or Lord
Of The Dance).
The Chapel Ringers
stepped in,
conducted by Jill Mahr, to play Christ the Lord is Risen Again, Fantasy
on Terra Beata, Veritas, and Joshua Fit the Battle of Jericho.
And the St. Olaf
Handbell Choir, also conducted by Jill Mahr, rang Fantasy
on King's Weston; Prayer for Guidance (aka. Be
Thou My Vision); Comrades, Haste! Faster the Steel Press;
Symphonia on Hyfrydol; and My Soul's Best Song.
The bells were soft and high on Come, Holy Spirit; calliope-like on
Chim Chim Cheree from Mary Poppins; and powerfully resonating on pieces
like Prayer for Guidance. The bells were supported by superior oboist
Danielle Lovaas, excellent flautist Kendra Passow, and the amazing
bell tree talents of Megan Reishus!
My ears are still ringing... what I mean is, I'm still hearing all the
songs. Here's PDQ
Bells from March.
Music Association: Dallan
Forgaill - Be Thou My Vision & Anita Ward - Ring My Bell
Music Association
Mental Music
April 29, 2009
Music association is making connections between what's going on around
you and music. Sometimes it's word associations with lyrics, sometimes
a phrase will rhyme with lyrics, sometimes it's not about the words at
all but sounds will be similar to musical notes. All of that is
interpretation that can be as funny or as sad as a moment, and I do it
all the time -- consciously and subconsciously.
And if that isn't weird enough, the Dept
of Homeland Security, with concepts from Moscow University,
have recorded
brain waves as music. Having listened to someone's brainwaves
as music (mp3), I can tell you that the Music Industry won't
be signing Homeland Security for a recording deal anytime soon.
Music Association: John Lennon -
Mind Games
Dear Mr. President,
Air Force One
& The
Statue of Liberty Pictures
April 28, 2009
Yesterday, an Air Force One plane (without the President, so
it
wasn't AF-1) did a fly by of New York City so that pictures could be
taken of Air Force One with the Statue of Liberty. The plane was low
enough to rattle windows and rattle nerves.
It wasn't necessary.
You know all those movie shots of 747 planes flying? They're fake.
They're just model planes.
The picture above is of the Statue of Liberty and Air Force One. It's a
fake. It took a few minutes for me to make it. And I didn't have to
scare Manhattan. I could even make other versions:
1. Liberty
pats Air Force One as it flies by
2. The Statue of Liberty flies on Air Force
One
3. Liberty checks her boarding pass before taking a ride on Air Force
One
Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.
Music Association: Steve Miller
- Jet Airliner
Recession News
Twin Cities Jobs
April 27, 2009
Twin Cities Jobs
is a one-stop listing of Minneapolis-St. Paul job lists, employers, and
job fairs.
And CDC news:
swine
flu watch - why
paper
masks aren't being used correctly - and don't eat
alfalfa
sprouts.
Right. Last year it was spinach; this year
it's alfalfa
sprouts. Next thing you know, we'll be warned against eating lima
beans...
Music Association: Sam Cooke -
Chain Gang
Recession News
Forced
to Cut Dog's Hours
April 25, 2009
Times are tough. Last week I had to scale back my dog's hours, you
know, with the promise that he can come back full time if the work
comes back. He took it pretty well. Slobbery... You'd never know he was
unhappy.
The good news is that he found another part time family to make ends
meet. I just hope... well, he's a good dog... he's great at being a
dog... I hope that if I can bring him back full time, he will be
available.
Music Association:
Beatles - Hard Day's Night "And I've been working like a dog."
Government
In Action
Banking That We
Won't Notice The Fraud
April 24, 2009
I still
have a problem with the continued bailout of financial
institutions. William Black, a
bank regulator and S&L prosecutor,
explained the failed
bank's fraud on Bill Moyer's Journal. The
video is worth watching so that people understand what caused
the financial collapse.
On the lighter side: a man pretending to fall off bridge actually falls
off the bridge (Hwy
77 - Bloomington)
.
Music Association: Dire Straits
- Money For Nothing
bugs me
Wisconsin
Bug Trouble
April 23, 2009
Thirty years ago, dutch
elm disease was wiping out thousands of sixty year old elm
trees from Twin Cities parks and parkways. Minneapolis had
roughly 200,000 elms. Minnehaha Park had about 19,000 elm
trees.
Loring Park had about 7,000 elm trees. Diseased elm trees were the
first to be removed, but many non-diseased trees were also removed as
preventative measures.
Now, shiny green trouble is on the Wisconsin side of the St. Croix
River, looking for a way across, to chew its way through the Twin
Cities ash trees and the ash of Minnesota forests. The emerald ash borer is
salivating over there and looking over here.
The emerald
ash borer wants to reduce the ash trees to ashes.
The one centimeter long bug starts at the top of the tree and works its
way down. You have to look up to see it, but there are also signs at
the base of the tree. In
an attempt to compensate for the loss of leaves at the top, leaves
will sprout from the base, and the leaves may be larger than normal.
The bark will split, exposing bug cul-de-sac squiggles. Woodpecker
doctors will prep for tree surgery and dig in for the bugs, shaking
their heads and saying, "I'll do what I can, but I think this tree is a
goner."
For now, the emerald ash borers are on the Wisconsin side of the St.
Croix. Hopefully they'll stay there.
Did I mention that they have four wings?
Music Association: Elvis - All
Shook Up "My friends say I'm acting as wild as a bug. I'm in
love. I'm all shook up."
weight = wait
Lose
Weight? Time Travel!
April 21, 2009
The earth is slowing down. The day was just 18 hours long,
900 million years ago.
As The World Turns
As the Earth spins, centrifugal
force is pulling us outward, especially at
the equator. Objects weigh a little less at the equator than at
30° latitude. A 150lb. person weighs
0.55lbs less at the equator because of the acceleration of the centrifugal
force (V^2/R V = 1100 miles/hr and R =
4,100 miles) of about 0.11 feet/sec/sec.
So, if you need a little help getting out of bed in the morning or want
to weigh a little
less, move to Central America. But if you want to lose some weight
without moving, go back in time. The 18 hour day increased the centrifugal
force (24/18)^2
= 1.77 times its previous level, so the weight reduction would have
been
0.003x1.77 = 0.005. The 150 pound person will now weigh about 0.8
pounds less.
This Bloated Earth
Or... put another way, as you get older the Earth slows down, and you
feel a little heavier. The Earth gets more bloated around the middle,
and its gravity increases a little, making you feel even heavier. Wait
equals weight.
Music Association:
Paul McCartney - Backwards Traveler
Tell
Us Something We Don't Know
Laughter Is The
Best Really Good
Medicine
April 20, 2009
Science steps out on a limb to confirm that laughter
is a good medicine,
through researchers
at Loma Linda University. Laughter was found to
have raised HDL cholesterol levels, possibly due to the
inability of
laughing patients to consume LDL cholesterol while laughing. It's not
clear whether slapstick or knock-knock jokes were used in the
Loma
Linda study.
Further studies will analyze daily apple intake and timely stitching.
Music
Association: Rod Stewart - Maggie Mae "I laughed at
all of your jokes..."
Chewing Up The Road
April 17, 2009
The Minnesota Department of Transportation and Bruegger's Bagels have
teamed up to create environmentally friendly roads for the 2009
construction season.
"I guess it started with my blog," said MN-DOT shallow surface
technician Justin Rhodes, "I blog what I eat. And that morning I had a
bagel that was several days old." He wondered if bagel dough could be
paved. "There's a shortage of concrete ideas for roadway surfaces," he
added. After receiving comments from Bruegger's and competitors, a test
was made with a six-lane rolling oven, complete with a bagel-like divot
running down the middle -- a non-rising median.
The new bagel roads will be rolling out as part of the 2009
construction season with full implementation in 2010, using the slogan,
"May The Road Rise Up To Meet You."
Music Association: an
Irish blessing - May The Road Rise Up To Meet You
Have Faith
Weddings
April 15, 2009
I'm all for weddings so long as the two people really love
each other and can grow together as a couple.
Recently a Twin Cities Wedding Guide was tossed my way for some laughs.
And it really is great, provided that no one takes it seriously. One of
the key problems with the guide is scale. The size of the wedding
determines many things, such as how much advanced planning
must be
done. An intimate wedding requires a short schedule. A grandiose
wedding can require plans more than a year in advance and can need more
arrangements than any
generalized guide book can provide.
I figured I could do better, so... introducing the Twin
Cities Wedding!
Music Association:
Billy Idol - White Wedding
Have Faith
Is It A Miracle That So Many Believe?
April 14, 2009
When I write about science-stuff,
I am often skeptical about the science news because it never
sounds scientific -- absolutes are the stuff of religion and beliefs.
If science were more scientific, more skeptical, I'd believe it more.
The American
Religious Identification Survey (ARIS) conducted by Trinity
College was just released. It tells us that the number of Baptists in
Minnesota rose one percent from 1990 (4%) to 2008 (5%). The number of
Methodists dropped a percent from 4% to 3%, and the number of Lutherans
slid from 34% to 27%. I told them that
batch of lutefisk was no good! Overall, the survey says
that "70% of
Americans believe in a personal God, roughly 12% are atheist (no God)
or agnostic (unknowable) and another 12% are deistic (a higher power
but no personal God)."
Newsweek's cover story last week was titled, "The decline and
fall of Christian America," and pointed at the ARIS survey,
which said that the number of Americans that identify themselves as
Christian has fallen from 86% in 1990 to 76% in 2008. (I find it odd
that 76% are Christians but only 70% believe in a personal
God.) Newsweek's web page was titled, "The End of Christian
America."
Really?
That's the end? That particular ten percent must have been all the
important people...
Controversy sells. That and divisiveness. That
must be why the media turns religion
discussions into battles over Creationism v. Evolution. Most people
don't care how it all started, so much as what we should do today. Moral discussions
would be much more useful and educational.
This morning I was in a grocery store for something to drink because I
was early for an appointment. They had something called Sunkist
Naturals berry blue bountiful at two for six dollars. I
decided to try it, but I wasn't thirsty enough to get two. I give the
cashier a five, while she says $3.39, and she gives me two dollars
back. Now, often cashiers will forget a cent either way, but this was
more. So I hand her back a dollar explaining that "I think you gave me
too much" while looking at the receipt. The receipt showed the original
price and that it was being sold for an even three, despite the fact
that I wasn't thirsty enough to buy two. The cashier looked at me with
an amused smirk (I get that a lot), and I left. The drink was a mixture
of apple juice, banana puree (why can't I just get banana puree?!?),
pineapple juice, and puree of other stuff. Delicious. Maybe I should
have
bought more.
The point is that I do that sort of stuff all the time.
I want to pay the right
price, not have them ripping me off and not ripping them off. And I get
the weird
looks. And I wonder whether the real news story is the miracle that so
many people believe.
other
news:
Center
last night.
Code talkers were Native American soldiers fighting in World War I and
WWII and using native languages as codes. The German Enigma multi-rotor
cipher machine code and the
Japanese Purple cipher were broken, but the
code languages of the code talkers were never broken.
Coyote
runs off a cliff but doesn't know he's off a cliff and gravity doesn't
react until he knows he is floating in mid-air. That's metaphysics.
Yesterday I saw a cottonwood puffball floating in mid-air without
moving. It hadn't realized it was floating in mid-air.
some
happy ears! My ears have (almost) never been that happy. All put
together, that is one happy face.
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