The Queen's Pledge
by Michael Kors
April 30, 2011
Of course Kate Middleton's dress was impeccable. And Pippa Middleton's
dress walked that fine line of bridesmaid dresses of just almost
stealing the thunder of the wedding dress. Some say it crossed that
line; I don't know. They were both gorgeous, just what you would expect
-- classy, yet simple, and elegant without being over-the-top.
But what was the Queen thinking in her solid yellow outfit with matching yellow hat?!? How can you not compare her to the queen bee?!?
Ugh, it was way too matchy-matchy. 
It was way too Garanimals.
I half expected an ad for Lemon Fresh Pledge on her back.
I mean come on, she is the Queen, let's be honest, this isn't the first
time she's done the solid color paint, and at least it wasn't her
standard blue Ty-D-Bol outfit with its matching blue hat, or worse that
collapsed blue, chef's hat she wore to Diana's wedding. Ugh.
And then, she missed the boat on the shoes! Here she is with a yellow
hat, yellow coat-dress, and beige shoes! Does she think we can't see
them?
Music Association: The Beatles - Yellow Submarine
The Royally Big Show
April 28, 2011
Caressed cheeks frame smile pausing kisses of love and romance
that could last forever
if only it could last forever
that's the promise.
Love is great.
Wish it on everyone.
Weddings should be the promise of the couple. Weddings are assisted through the Twin Cities Wedding page, 
not for profit but for the encouragement of love's promise.
The wedding of Prince William & Kate Middleton is the big show, a representation of circus weddings to come.
Future promoters of circus weddings will come to the conclusion that
couples will not be able to afford to spend more for weddings. They
will step in with the assistance of a new idea: ticketed weddings.
Ticketmaster will finally get their cut of the wedding cake. A nominal
fee will be charged for souvenir programs. Concession stands will be
open throughout the event.
Tacky event gifts will make tomorrow's royal wedding souvenirs look amateurish in comparison.
Music Association: The Beatles - If I Fell
God Particle
April 27, 2011
Scientists have not yet discovered the God Particle, a sub-atomic particle that gives mass to all other particles and was crucial to forming the universe after the Big Bang.
Donald Trump believes the evidence exists. All he has to do is be fingernails-on-chalkboard annoying, and the scientists will provide the evidence of the God Particle.
Trump Cover Up
After four bankruptcies, most people couldn't get a loan from a loan shark. The trick is a financial weave.
The Daily Mail
asks: What's the difference between an astronaut and Donald Trump's
hairstyle? One defies the law of gravity, the other's just a spaceman.
In Texas they say he's all hat and no cattle.
And yet someone actually running for president has to complete OGE Form 278 Public Financial Disclosure Report. The Schedule A with its Validation of Assets would be especially interesting from Donald Trump.
Music Association: Coldplay - Proof
Cats Know Time
April 26, 2011
The Internet is an impressive array of answers. It has right answers. It has wrong answers. It has plenty of incomplete answers.
AvoDerm is a company that puts avocado in cat and dog food, that is not
necessarily served with tortilla chips in a sombrero. According to the AvoDerm website, cats cannot tell time and do not watch TV. That's a whole lot of guacamole.
I am certain many cats can't tell time, and many cats don't watch TV (4,870 YouTube videos).
One of my cats watches TV, but only certain nature shows and some
cartoons.
Both of my cats can tell time, but their priorities differ.
Social schedule is the priority of one, while appetite is the priority
of the other.
The wayofcats.com explains that cats don't have Mickey Mouse watches but can tell time through a sense of durations and schedules.
I think some cats excel beyond generalizations.
Music Association: Harry Chapin - Cat's In The Cradle
Norteño
April 25, 2011
In the late 1800s, polka-loving Czechoslovakians settled in northern Mexico.
They brought their accordions with them.
According to local legends, the Czechs would go into a saloon, get out
their accordions, and a dusty-thunderous-stampede out of the place left
only the squeak of those useless little swinging saloon doors.
No
one knows exactly when polka was first played without the stampede, but
the music was adopted and transformed by Mexico into Norteño.
In a Mexican restaurant recently, Norteño music was played too
loud to be ignored. I resisted the urge to stampede, just long enough
for my shoulders to independently twitch to the beat. Next my eyebrows
rose, one by one to the beat. My chest expanded as if I'm singing
along. And all I can think is that I must really like music.
Norteño music has given me a new understanding of Norteño gangs: guns and accordions.
Music Association: Los Huracanes - Nomas Por Tu Culpa
April 24, 2011
Last fall, a good friend gave me some sourdough starter. It has a long history of starting sourdough.
Pancakes were the plan, but I've expanded into bread making.
It is alive!
Sourdough
is a living community of yeast cultures, requiring care and feeding,
time and attention. And it's terrific stuff that doubles in size with
ease and limited only by imagination.
Making bread is a miracle. I do it, but not without help from an entire community of organisms.
Music Association: Bread - If
iPad Crab
April 23, 2011
The privacy news of the week is that my iPhone tracks my location. I thought that's what the iPad was for -- the iPad knows when I'm at my pad.
Balancing transparency and privacy requires thoughtful decision making. Just ask Herman.
This is Herman. He lives in a glass shell. People post videos of Herman in his home. Herman has contacted his realtor.
Clearly, a hermit crab has a right to privacy.
Robert DuGrenier creates crabitats from hand-blown glass. The clear crabitat sells for $12.50, colored glass is $18, and gold is up at $60.
Music Associations: Herman's Hermits - I'm Into Something Good; Billy Joel - You May Be Right (Glass Houses album)
Record Gold
April 22, 2011
Yesterday gold reached a record $1,508 an ounce. What goes up must come down.
Going down right now is the value of the dollar (at a 3-year low) and the Amazon rainforest.
A recent six-fold spike in the deforestation has been caused by the currently high gold prices. Peruvian prospectors are digging for gold and throwing away Amazon jungle to get to it.
And as the Smallville series winds down, Booster Gold appears tonight (the third to the last episode).
Coincidence? Maybe.
Music Association: Foreigner - Cold As Ice
"You're digging for gold. You're throwing away a fortune in feelings, but someday you'll pay."
Crazier: Easter Bunny or Gold Investors?
April 21, 2011
While talking with Dr. Stan about the dating diagram I posted days ago,
I made the mistake of referring to his sessions with patients as "their
hour." That's when he jumped down my throat.
"Hour? Hour?!? Where have you been? People can't sit still for an hour. You've been reading too many history books again."
Let the record show that I've been reading mostly music production books that are sometimes of a historical nature.
I asked Dr. Stan if hour long sessions wouldn't be good for patients.
"It's not a question of what's good for them," Dr. Stan replied. "If
people could identify what was good for them and did what was good for
them, I'd have fewer patients. You know what you should be eating, but
that's not how you decide what to eat."
I disagreed, explaining that I often determine what to eat based on
what I need to be eating. Dr. Stan looked at me as if I were crazy. Then
he professionally diagnosed me as crazy. 
Once he opened the door to crazy, I stepped right on in, asking, "Who
is crazier: someone dressed as the Easter Bunny or someone who invests
in gold as if it's safe?"
Dr. Stan refused to put either the Easter Bunny or the gold investor
in the same category as me, saying, "It's not crazy to invest in gold,
just misinformed, as if gold has intrinsic value. It has only the value
that the market believes it has. And dressing up as the Easter Bunny is
not the same as being the Easter Bunny." Yet he doesn't know if he
works with Easter Bunnies or gold investors. "They don't tell me."
I asked him, don't you ask them? Isn't there a questionnaire that asks about costumes and questionable investments?
It turns out that it is not standard practice to ask these questions from patients. There is a questionnaire; however it relates more to lawsuits than with psychiatry. He rarely asks any questions. And I am so disappointed I threaten to take back the Freudian slippers that I gave him for Christmas.
Music Association: Heart - Crazy On You
Cancerous Idea
April 20, 2011
Hey, here's an idea. Let's replace all existing incandescent light bulbs, the standard light bulbs, with compact light bulbs.
Compact bulbs cost more.
They contain mercury, so they can't be thrown away.
The light is bluer than incandescent bulbs.
And they should be kept away from people, at least when turned on.
Peter Braun of Berlin's Alab Laboratory says carcinogenic chemicals and toxins are released when compact fluorescent bulbs are switched on, including phenol, naphthalene and styrene.
This is one idea bulb that shouldn't be over your head.
Music Association: UFO - Light's Out
Trump Card
April 19, 2011
A double comb over trumps a quadruple bankruptcy, only on Tuesdays.
Music Association: The Spinners - Games People Play
Better Understanding Through
Palm Reading Sunday
April 15, 2011
My hands are not Mayan, so I'm not concerned that 2012 is the year of the Mayan calendar subscription renewal.
Besides if any year should have been the Mayan year of subscription
renewal, it was 1521, the year Tenochtitlán was handed to
Hernando Cortez.
If I want to hear about the end of the world, I casually drop by a palm reader, a chirologist.
Most palms are open to interpretation. Mine aren't.
I hand over my hand and countdown until they freak out. It takes less than twelve seconds.
4. 3. 2. I just wrecked their world. Sorry.
People have had to call in specialists and get out handbooks to figure
out my palms. A scar cuts through my lifeline but not in the future
(right), in the past (left).
Kind of like the Mayans.
Music Association: REM - End of the World
Better Understanding Through
Charts and Diagrams
April 14, 2011
Blueprints, charts, diagrams, especially wiring diagrams... I can't get
enough of them. The more complex and the least amount of accompanying
text, the better. I want them to cause me to pause and figure out what
is going on.
The chart above seems to say that it is far more important to call than to like or love someone.
Heh. Low expectations.
Dating people seem to be saying, "I wasn't asking for the world. I just wanted you to call."
Music Association: Genesis - Misunderstanding
April 15th Deadline
April 12, 2011
When tallying all that has to be done before the April 15th deadline:
✔ the paperwork to be completed with dark ink
✔ the proof of gross sales less than $100,000
✔ the proof of legal U.S. residence or a Visa
✔ must not be a candidate for public office
✔ writing only on the front of the paperwork, not on the back
✔ required photographs
it's a wonder if it can all be completed and/or accomplished in time.
The application must be received on or before April 15th.
Postmark schmostmark. It has to get in the producer's hot little hands
by the 15th. The application form probably has to be legible.
Legibility isn't clearly defined on the application but that goes
without saying. Question 37 asks you to briefly describe your
upbringing and family background. The answer section only has
seven lines so there isn't room for a year by year account.
Plus your descriptions of the best and worst days of your life, your
annoying habits, and greatest regrets are the property of the Producer
and Network, including your name, likeness, appearance, actions,
inactions, high school teachers, and any other biographical materials
as listed on pages 19 and 20 of the application. This includes your
answer to question 65 on page 13, Is there any part of your life that you would prefer to not share or discuss on television?
Music Association: Phil Collins - Inside Out
Food Prices Rise
April 11, 2011
Low corn stockpiles have popped prices higher by 5 percent
with the potential to rise even higher. Demand for corn as both food
and fuel has lowered the supply. The prices of wheat, soybeans, and
rice are also up.
Wisconsin reports food prices are up 5 percent from the start of the year.
Riots in north Africa and the Middle East are politically motivated but
sparked by reactions to high food prices and high unemployment.
Instability in the region has caused the price of oil to rise, which
will cause food prices to rise again, which will... well, you get the
picture.
And over the weekend, a tornado hit a Sara Lee turkey farm in Iowa, which may send turkey prices skyward.
Music Association: Jennifer Lopez - Love Don't Cost A Thing
The Arts
This Run Should Be Postponed...
April 7, 2011
"I know I'm speaking for the entire platoon when I say this run should be postponed until this platoon is better rested."
- Pvt. John Winger
Music Associations: The Beatles - Wait; The Beatles - So Tired
Have Fun
April 6, 2011
Scientists are once again climbing trees and crawling out on precarious
limbs. Calling down to reporters below, they say that "parks are good
for people."
The reporters take pictures of the scientists, the tree, the grass
below the tree, and begin their blogs without thinking about the
implications of this press-park conference.
"A Key To Better Health Care May Be A Walk In The Park," one Science Daily blogger typed and flashed to colleagues.
Thinking for a moment, the reporters started badgering the scientists:
☼ "How are you going to convince people to spend time in parks?"
☼ "Are you planning to add Wi-Fi to parks?"
☼ "Wouldn't that be cost-prohibitive?"
☼ "How about a GPS treasure hunt, with iPods & iPads as prizes?!?"
☼ "Wouldn't it be simpler to visit a doctor for health care and keep the parks for whatever parks are good for?"
"Now climb down before you hurt yourselves."
Music Associations: Sinead O'Connor - Nothing Compares; Sheryl Crow - All I Wanna Do
Pillow Talk
April 5, 2011
Saturday was International Pillow Fight Day.
People came together to battle each other with pillows -- an important
first step to peace in our time. Some people think the United Nations
and negotiated settlements are the answer, but reasonable people see
pillow fights as the way to both establish and break down differences.
One of the first big fights between the romantic leads in my novel was
dispatched with a pillow fight (with additional hired pillow fighters).
Pillow fights are the answer.
Pillow fights took place in more than 100 cities over the weekend, but not the Twin Cities. The April Twin Cities Calendar was pillow fight free.
Sigh.
Music Association: The Beatles - Come Together
Dog Ban
April 4, 2011
Dogs everywhere have been listening for this news.
On a roof adrift for three weeks, the tsunami dog Ban was rescued.
Good news followed by doggone great news -- Ban has been reunited with her owner.
Music Associations: Elvis - Hound Dog; The Drifters - Up On The Roof
