Concert History
A Galaxy of Stars
May 10, 2013
I was being pulled down by gravity into dark nothingness surrounded by
an oval of dim lights.
It was about nine years ago, and I was uncharacteristically late but in
no hurry. I didn't have tickets for the 2004 Vote For Change,
but
I approached a guy in the empty space in front of the Xcel Energy
Center. He had tickets. I was unsure. I asked him what kind of
seats they were. They weren't seats. That couldn't be good. He couldn't
get words out fast enough to tell me how good they were. I had yet to
be impressed. Two cheap tickets.
Inside, a band was already playing. A yellow windbreakered security guy
shined a flashlight at my ticket, chuckled, and pointed us down to the
deep black center. We passed by thousands of seated people, being
stopped to show our ticket after every seven or eight hundred. At the
end of all the seats, at the first row of seats, a security guy stopped
us to really
look at our tickets. He was amazed that we could go through.
At one end of the giant crater was the stage. Not much more than two
hundred people were standing crammed up in front of the stage (it
doubled later).
Otherwise it was dark emptiness in the black hole. Pairs of giant
speakers were at the edge pointed outward every two hundred feet to
deafen the people with the expensive seats.
Crossing the giant expanse of nothingness at the center of the Xcel, I
understood what the excited ticket guy in the empty space outside
couldn't explain. None of the people who bought seats were allowed in
the center. It didn't matter if they bought the tickets from
the
DFL or Ticketmaster or anywhere.
There was so much empty space in the middle -- like a black hole trying
to pull in the turned-neck seated crowd -- that the event
people
could've rented out the center of the arena to another event (an event
within an event).
I didn't know the first band, Bright Eyes, but the rest of the lineup
was R.E.M., Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band with
special
guest John Fogerty, and unannounced guest Neil Young. A galaxy of
stars. Bright Eyes performed seven songs; we only got to hear a few and
spent that time studying the dimensions of the black hole (while being
studied by distant observers). Then came R.E.M., who were solidly great.
R.E.M. performed a full CD of greatest hits:
The
One I Love
Begin the
Begin
What’s
the Frequency, Kenneth?
Leaving
New York
So Fast,
So Numb
Final Straw
Country
Feedback (welcoming surprise guest Neil Young to the stage)
Walk
Unafraid
I Wanted
to Be Wrong
Losing
My Religion
Bad Day
(with Bruce Springsteen)
Man on the Moon
(with Bruce Springsteen)
Bruce
Springsteen and the E Street Band took the stage. The next week, a City
Pages reporter said that Springsteen never went so far as preaching for
change. Yeah right. When someone from New Jersey suddenly has a southern Evangelical accent,
it's preaching. The southern Boss performed:
The
Star-Spangled Banner
Born in
the U.S.A.
Badlands
No
Surrender
Lonesome
Day
The River
Souls of
the Departed (with Neil Young)
All Along
the Watchtower (with Neil
Young
but no Bob Dylan)
Johnny 99
Centerfield (with
John Fogerty)
Deja Vu
All Over Again (with John
Fogerty)
Fortunate Son
(with John
Fogerty)
The
Promised Land (with John
Fogerty)
The Rising
Because
the Night (with Michael Stipe)
Mary’s
Place
Born to Run (with
Mike Mills and Peter Buck)
encore
Proud Mary
(with John
Fogerty)
Rockin’ in the Free
World (with R.E.M., John
Fogerty,
Neil and Pegi Young)
(What’s
So Funny ‘Bout) Peace, Love, and Understanding (all of them)
People
Have the Power (all of them)
At about midnight, the brightest,
best moment of the concert (topping Born To Run), was
Rockin' in the Free World
by Neil Young, Bruce Springsteen, R.E.M. and John Fogerty.
By the time the concert ended, it was no longer Tuesday, October 5,
2004, which should prove to astrophysicists that a black hole is
a form of time travel (traveling forward in time, and at the same time,
back in time to
classic rock -- I
bet the physicists didn't expect
that one... or Neil Young).
The concert may not have changed voters, but it was an outstanding
concert, one of my top three.
Music Association: Neil Young -
Rockin' in the Free World
Politics and Civil Rights: Hats off to the Minnesota House of
Representatives for having a dignified debate yesterday and passing
House File 1054 expanding the definition of marriage. Law-making is usually
such a disgusting process that they are called engrossments.
Heaven
May 7, 2013
Johnny Carson asks, “What
did you want to do but didn't get the chance to do?”
Sam Kinison replies, “What
do you mean Johnny, get another divorce? It's funny -- we both ended up
married.”
Rodney Dangerfield asks, “To each other?!?”
Mitch Hedberg leans back in his cloud and says, “I always wanted to be a racecar
passenger...”
George Carlin asks, “A racecar passenger.”
He acts like he's looking out a window, “Are we lost? We've been by here
before.”
Mitch says, “I'd
just bug the driver. Say man, can I turn on the radio? You
should
slow down. Why do we keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the
window? Man you really like Tide.”
Music Association: Pink Floyd -
Wish You Were Here "So you think you could tell, heaven from
hell?"
Ten
years ago I went
to an awesome comedy concert. It was Mitch Hedberg, Lewis Black, Dave
Attell, and somebody else at the Orpheum Theatre in Minneapolis in
2003. It was hilarious. I remember that they had Mitch on after Lewis
Black and Dave Attell, and he ruled the place. I'd like to know the
date of the concert, but after ten years I can't find the ticket, and
this was before I started the Twin Cities Calendar.
Which Way Is The Universe?
May 6, 2013
Staring up at the night sky, the Milky Way galaxy of stars stretches
across. Within the band, in the constellation of Orion, are some of the
most interesting galaxies and nebula we have seen.
Is that the center of the universe?
Yes and no.
We are the center of the universe. They are also the center of the
universe. Everywhere that you are is the center of the universe.
Seriously.
In 1929, Edwin Hubble found that galaxies are flying away from us in
every direction. That might make this the center of the universe,
except the universe is everything -- it has no edges. Space itself is
expanding. Every point sees the same expansion. Every point is the
center.
Some would argue there is no center point, but that would be pointless.
Music Associations: Harry
Nilsson - The Point (Me And My Arrow) & The Beatles - Across
the Universe
Star Wars Problem
May the 4th, 2013
The Death Star is a classic movie problem. That's
no moon. It's a space station. It is an insurmountable
threat that is ultimately easy to destroy. Easy?
You call that easy?!? Once the Death Star's tractor beam
is turned off, it can't be just turned back on again.
Get
out the
manual, call tech support, and find someone who can make some decent
coffee. The stormtroopers keep burning it. It's as if they
can't
see a thing in those helmets.
The
Empire doesn't consider a small one-man fighter to be any threat, or
they'd have a tighter defense. An analysis of the
plans
provided by Princess Leia has demonstrated a weakness in the battle
station.
During the course of Star
Wars IV A New Hope, the Millennium Falcon approaches and
leaves (retreats) the Death Star twice.
1st
- Approach. The Millennium Falcon gets caught in a tractor beam.
2nd
- Retreat. The Millennium Falcon leaves. The tractor beam is off. The
Empire lets the Falcon go.
3rd
-
Approach. Not shown. Is the tractor beam still off?!? Are special rules
still in place for the Falcon's free passage? Are the Death Star
command people still just pushing the useless Tractor Beam button, so
they don't think of the laser cannons?
4th
- Retreat. The
Millennium Falcon leaves. Everyone on the Death Star is still
too busy either pressing buttons or cursing tech support to
notice.
According to the Death
Star Wiki,
the space station has 10,000 turbolaser batteries, 2,600 ion cannons,
and at least 768 tractor beam projectors. It also has a labor problem.
One guy runs all of it, and his aim is so bad, he can't hit anything
smaller than Alderaan.
Music Association: Meco - Star
Wars (Excuse
me, where do you carry your Galactic Funk albums?)
Video
Association: Harrison Ford refuses
to answer Star Wars questions
Kindness of Strangers
May 3, 2013
A woman came up to me in the grocery a couple of days ago. I wasn't
doing anything, just being polite. She said, “God bless
you.”
I smiled and said, “And you also.”
She was wearing a Muslim hijab. I wasn't. And while I hadn't sneezed,
my sneezes are memorable, so that could've been it, but I don't think
so.
It was just a good moment between strangers.
Music Association: Dionne
Warwick - Say A Little Prayer For You
Other
grocery recollections: Nestlé
recalls some California Pizza
Kitchen and DiGiorno frozen pizzas.
more honey news
Bit-O-Honey
May 2, 2013
Yesterday, Bit-O-Honey
was purchased by St. Paul's Pearson's Candy Company.
Pearson's Candy is famous for its Nut Goodies, Salted Nut
Rolls,
Mint Patties, and Bun Bars. Bit-O-Honey was created by the
Schutter-Johnson Company of Chicago in 1924 and had been owned by
Nestlés from 1984 to 2013.
The production of Bit-O-Honey might
move from Bloomington, IL to St. Paul, MN, if incentives are
available.
The top ingredient of Bit-O-Honey is high-fructose corn syrup. Honey is
the eighth of thirteen listed ingredients. It really is just a bit of
honey.
Music Association: Honeydogs -
Rumor Has It
Honey Delivered On Bicycles
May 1, 2013
The Beez Kneez
is a Twin Cities delivery program for real, raw, local, pollinated
honey.
Beez Kneez honey is delivered
on bicycle and is available at certain Minneapolis
coops. They have big plans for a Beez
Kneez Honey House complete with pedal powered honey
extractor. (Does
that lead to dizzy bees?)
A bill before the Minnesota Legislature is right up their
alley. House
File 595 would establish a program for honey bee habitats on
state lands.
Music Association: The Beatles -
A Taste Of Honey
TIL Bees Are Fed With High-Fructose Corn Syrup
April 30, 2013
Picture
bees in the hive. Buzzing away. Some beekeeper comes along and takes
big chunks of honeycombed honey from their honeycomb hideout. The
beekeeper substitutes the honey for a slop of high-fructose corn syrup.
Do you think the bees noticed?
We've secretly replaced
the fine coffee they usually serve with Folgers Crystals. Let's see if
anyone can tell the difference.
Researchers
have noticed the worldwide collapse of honeybee colonies (Colony
Collapse Disorder) and are wondering if the high-fructose
corn syrup is the problem.
Hhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmm. Do ya think?
Honey is shelf stable. High-fructose corn
syrup is not. Chemically they are similar except that honey has pollen
and high-fructose
corn syrup does not. And it's the pollen in honey that has antioxidants,
enzymes, and other health benefits.
Some companies filter out the pollen from their honey. Why would they
do that?
Pollen tells where the honey comes from. China has been found to add
illegal antibiotics and dilute the honey with high-fructose
corn syrup. (The antibiotics preserve the corn syrup.)