What's Up?
December 29, 2010
Oh, that's hilarious. "What's up?" Very funny.
You really want to know?
I've been busy. I'm so busy.
I'll talk to you later.
Music Association: Tommy Roe -
Dizzy
Almost
Most Wonderful Time Of The Year
December 23, 2010
I'm hoping you like what you get, have fun giving, and have a good time.
If you doubt all that, call someone for Christmas. Maybe they need too.
I'll tell you something you don't hear this time of year... Remember
those more fortunate than you -- the people with too much.
Over-indulgence, gluttony, and over-compensation are all about taking
too much. Everyone talks about the needy and there's plenty I do and
can be done for the needy, but I'm concerned about the unneedy as well.
Are their YouTube
videos a cry for help?
People die this time of year
from avoidable accidents and heart-attacks without so much as a PSA
announcing their cause.
They got their Red Ryder carbine-action, 200 shot range model air rifle
with a compass in the stock and a thing which tells time. They will
shoot their eye out.
Please remember those more fortunate this year.
Music Association: Andy Williams
- Most Wonderful Time Of The Year
Open Roof Week
December
22, 2010
Many people don't have a roof over their heads.
In Las Vegas people have been living in the flood tunnels, which might
be well-furnished
until the floods come -- like now.
Several Vegas roads
are closed due to high waters, but there aren't any reports about the
tunnels. Vegas has so many homeless people, they had to stand in line
to stand in another line to get into an event for the homeless at the
minor league Cashman Field.
Checklist
✔
Shoveled the walk.
✔
Let the dog out.
✔
Made last minute Christmas
decisions.
I feel like I'm forgetting something...
Music Association: Drifters - Up
On The Roof
They Shoot Stadiums,
Don't They?
December
21, 2010
Engineers used
a shotgun to put another hole in the Metrodome.
That's the funniest thing I've heard all week! I don't know where to
begin.
1. I know lame horses are shot. Is the
Metrodome that
lame? Must it be put out of its misery?
2. In football, the shotgun is a passing
formation. Has the Metrodome passed?
3. What course in engineering school
requires shotgun ownership as a prerequisite?
4. One of the Metrodome roof panels was
sagging
yesterday, that's why the engineer shot it. Just a reminder for a safe
and happy holiday season, keep engineers away from your couch.
5. This time of year, that
might not be just
snow and ice on the roof. Please don't shoot Santa or his reindeer.
Music
Associations: Benjamin R. Hamby - Up On The Housetop & Eric
Clapton
- I Shot The Sheriff & Peter Gabriel - Solsbury Hill "My heart
is
going boom boom boom"
Intimidated into Holiday Cheer
December 20, 2010
I'm trying to tone it down.
I seem to intimidate people.
I may be the reason the president of France needs to stand on a box
when he's at a podium, and why Tom Cruise needs to wear lifts, and why
people feel obligated to learn taekwondo and karate, and stuff. I don't
get it.
So I workout. A lot of people workout. Most of them workout in the gym.
It's a free country. I get my full cardio by shoveling. And I
don't finish shoveling until the workout is over. There are always
other
places to move the snow. And there's other ways to move the
snow. Here's what you do -- act like it's baseball, and you're trying
to launch that shovel-full out of the park.
There are many tall, strong people out there. People just act different
around me.
People seem to go out of their way to wish me a merry Christmas, like
they're forced into it. I might be passive aggressive festive.
Maybe it's my boots that chew snow with every step. Maybe it's my
comically oversized coat. Or maybe it has nothing to do with the way I
look.
Maybe it's the way I say what I say. You know,
I'm trying to wish people a Merry Christmas! What's the big deal about
that?!?
Music Association: Billy Idol -
Rebel Yell
Santa's
Elf
December 18, 2010
At a bar after a party last night, a drunk stared at me perplexed. He
wasn't actually Barney from the Simpsons, but his voice was right, and
his appearance was really close. He approached me and asked, "Are
you... Santa or one of his... uh... helpers?"
To be fair, I was wearing a santa hat and a red sweater. I said, "I'm
not Santa, but I work for him. I'm an elf." (First time I've said
that!) "Do you have something you want me to tell Santa?"
Barney got this look like I'd just offered him the keys to the cookie
jar. He said, "I'll have to think about it and write something down.
I'll be back."
After
a while he came back and smugly handed me a note on a napkin. It said,
"Dear Santa, I know I can't have peace in the world, but how about love
for only 5 f****** months, and let us go from there. Thank you Santa,"
and he squiggled a signature.
I'm not certain what kind of love Barney was looking for in the bar
last night or when he wanted the five months to begin. I thought about
asking but then I realized that Santa would figure it out and would
probably appreciate it if I didn't pin down the request too much.
Don't tell Barney, but I'm guessing that for about half a year he's
going to be taking care of a puppy.
Music Association: Bing Crosby -
Santa Claus Is Coming To Town
Whole Internet Hole
December 17, 2010
Does a hole in the Internet affect the whole?
Music Association: Reginald
Heber - Holy Holy Holy
December 15, 2010
President
Obama is expected to report on the status of the Afghanistan War today.
So
far this year, 487
U.S. soldiers (694 coalition forces) have died in
Afghanistan.
Pakistan, which is playing both the United States and Al Qaeda, is the
main obstacle to coalition operations, according to intelligence
reports leaked yesterday to the New
York Times. Insurgents
cross from Pakistan into Afghanistan, plant bombs, battle
American
troops, and return to their Pakistan sanctuaries.
The
Afghanistan War needs to stop. Our troops need to return home. The goal
of stability cannot be attained. It's just that simple.
♠
Afghanistan is expensive in lives (2,264)
♠
Afghanistan is expensive in cost ($360,097,926,034)
♠
Afghanistan isn't a country -- it's a region, with tribes
& warlords
♠
Afghanistan uses
ideology
& better pay
to
battle a
corrupt government (Karzai) & foreign
invaders
The
problem is that the public is not pushing for a quick exit from
Afghanistan. Despite the increase in casualties, the war is barely a
blip on the American radar.
A Pew
Research poll
from last week shows 47% of Americans believe troops should be removed
as soon as possible; 44% believe the forces should stay until
Afghanistan stabilizes. And 9% want to know more about the split between
Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds. Apparently their differences
stemmed from the different comic book universes of Marvel and
DC.
Johansson plays Black Widow, a Marvel character, in Iron Man 2
(2010) and The
Avengers (2012). Reynolds plays a DC character, Green Lantern
in 2011. In comic books, it is theorized that there are many
separate universes, multiverses, each with their own...
Where was I? Oh yes, I was about to explain the difficulties of keeping
the longest war in American history in the American public
consciousness, which has been diagnosed with ADHD,
and somehow the conversation was sidetracked.
What will it take for the American public to pay attention to the
Afghanistan War and to bring our troops home?
Music Association: Bing Crosby -
"I'll Be Home For Christmas"
See Me
December 14, 2010
If you are a frequent reader of this page and you're going to be in the
Uptown area Thursday night, meet me at the Urban Outfitters at
eight-thirty. I will be upstairs wearing a comically large
coat
and a
fake mustache, humming obscure pop songs, and
looking at nostalgic T-shirts. Stand to my left (not to the left facing
me but to my left side) but face opposite of the way I'm facing and
say, "T-shirts keep me warm when I wear eleven at once." And I'll say,
"Only if the T stands for thermal." That way you'll know it's me.
Music Association: Steve Forbert
- Meet Me In The Middle Of The Night Let Me Hear You Say Everything's
Alright
Deep
December 13, 2010
I
don't know anyone else who finds shoveling
to be meditative... smooth snow throwing motions... there but not
there... nearly floating... yet relocating the snow with practiced
precision. Snow yoga. All the while my thoughts are elsewhere,
deliberating issues
interrupted by songs that relate to what I'm thinking about or songs
that are currently haunting my head. It's peaceful and as relaxing as
shoveling can be.
Saturday was nothing like that.
Try as I might, I couldn't get to the calm. I dropped my zen. The snow
was falling and the wind was blowing too fast -- faster than I could
shovel. The zen was buried before I could get to it.
Dropping zen was no accident. My survival instinct kicked in and booted
zen into the deepest snowdrift, saying, "I'll take over. You want calm?!?
Calm is inside. Go."
Music Association: Genesis - In
Too Deep & Oak Ridge Boys - Dig A Little Deeper
Sub Zero Temperatures
December 12, 2010
The Metrodome roof collapsed for the fourth time in its history last
night. The collapse was the first time since the 1980s. Today's
Vikings-Giants game had already been postponed to Monday night, due to
the Giants being stranded in Kansas City.
Music Association: Carbon Leaf -
Raise The Roof
Just Ask Dad
December 11, 2010
"How does snow fall?" Well, I am really glad you asked. Let me put my
shovel down. Whew, I'm kinda light-headed.
You see all this snow has to come from somewhere right? It doesn't just
come from anywhere; it comes from the sky. No, not the clouds. Clouds
aren't made of snow. Um. The clouds are a byproduct.
You know all the planes that take off from the airport? Well,
occasionally a plane takes off that's not a usual plane, because enough
people have plans that they don't really want to have to do. This
special plane is full of snowmen. Now when the plane is hidden by
clouds and the plane
has got
to be hidden by clouds, the snowmen jump out of the back of the plane
and break apart into chunks of snow. I've got a diagram right here.
Music Association: Dean Martin -
Let It Snow
The Eternal Optimist
There's Nothing You Can Do That Can't Be Done
December 10, 2010
Wait. There's nothing... Okay
Lennon, why didn't you just say, you can do anything? Probably because
the double negative helps people to pause and figure the thing out.
Many people are highly skilled at Doubt. They are experts at the impossibility of things and their own limitations.
There are times when Doubt is valuable, like when listening to advertising, listening to lawyers, defying gravity, playing the I Doubt It card game, listening to politicians...
And if people were having fun while doubting everything I would
encourage them to keep on doing what they're doing. But people are
miserable while they are doubting. They sit and sulk. They act as
though the word Can't has been etched in stone, and it can't be erased.
Don't get me wrong -- curmudgeons can be great. I've got a book dedicated to the pessimism of the greatest curmudgeons the world has ever known, The Portable Curmudgeon. In the book on the subject of optimism, Voltaire said, "Optimism is the madness of maintaining that everything is right when it is wrong." And Robert Oppenheimer said, "The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it."
My favorite Winnie the Pooh character is Eeyore, who I quote, "If it is a good morning, which I doubt."
Eeyore is most complete with a little raincloud over him, looming like
a stone Can't. If there were an Eeyore doll with a perpetual raincloud,
I'd get it.
While I'm entertained by curmudgeons, I agree with Lennon (once the
double-negatives are sifted out), anything is possible. People would
have more fun if they broadened their horizons and tested their
creative abilities once in a while. Like... by creating new Christmas
songs.
Music Association: The Beatles - All You Need Is Love
Songwriting 101
Oh For The Love Of Vowels
December 9, 2010
I over prepare when I do something for the first time. It's stagecraft. I set the stage.
When I had to write lyrics for the first time, I over prepared: learning
the fundamentals and nuances of stanzas, choruses, and bridges.
The reason I had to write lyrics is that I couldn't do what I wanted.
The most crushing thing I learned when I prepared to write my novel was
that music association, associating songs with everyday moments, would
not be a main theme. And yet the backstory of the novel is that a band
of music people lost their core person; they lost their star. They
moved on creatively from music, but their world was still music.
I could have used music association, if I began the book with a chapter
of copyright notices. The story didn't need the padding, so music
association was relegated to a minor character. Writing myself into a
corner, the only way out was to write some original songs that fit the
situation and the mood.
So I read up on writing music. And then I applied what I read to random
songs that popped in my head. Did those songs follow the rules? Which
rules did they break and why?
The music rules are like stage props. They aren't meant to be noticed. They remind me of Listen To The Mustn'ts by Shel Silverstein:
Listen to the mustn'ts, child.
Listen to the don'ts.
Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts.
Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me...
Anything can happen, child.
Anything can be.
Very
popular songs have broken most of the rules. The rule that was least
broken was ending phrases with long vowels. It's easier to carry a note
on a vowel than a consonant. Ending with vowels is so important that if
the writer can't end with a long vowel, the last word should be
mispronounced so that it ends in a long vowel.
Another way to follow the vowel rule is to make up words.
Music Association: The Beatles - Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da
Defining Good Music
December 8, 2010
I meditate. I also vegetate. Meditation and vegetation are similar, at
least as I meditate, while wondering how to define good music.
If I am suggesting that people improve on the canon of Christmas music, I probably need to explain how to recognize quality.
What makes good music good?
This is where the University of North Carolina steps in. Researchers
there have studied the chill that people get when listening to music.
North Carolina was selected as a test location instead of -- let's say -- Minnesota, to factor out winter's bias.
Researchers Emily Nusbaum and Paul Silvia asked student subjects how
often music gave them chills, goosebumps, or made their hair stand on
end. In the latest issue of Social Psychological and Personality Science,
they reported what parts of their population were more likely to
experience chills, which doesn't help to define good music at all.
Except that if the music gives at least some people chills, it might
mean the music is good.
Or someone forgot to shut the door.
Music Association: Foreigner - Cold As Ice
"That's Not A Zen Garden, That's A Litter Box"
December 7, 2010
The funny thing about writing is that I can physically stop writing,
but in my head it keeps on going... evolving... changing. In
yesterday's post I said, "re-record, until the results sound good."
Essentially you want to make it better. And when I stopped writing, I
thought that the best way to make Christmas music is to start out by
covering a Christmas classic and then removing all the bad parts, I mean,
who's ever actually had figgy pudding even though We Wish You A Merry Christmas
makes a big deal out of not leaving until we get some? A better song
would mention something from this era. A better song would be a new
song.
White Christmas was the biggest song of the 20th century. The potential
of a modern Christmas song is huge, and Christmas songs are
self-promoting, since retail stores, restaurants, and Kool108 will be
playing Christmas songs for weeks. There are a lot of Christmas songs,
but there aren't enough to fill the season. Better Christmas songs would
be appreciated.
Essentially I'm asking that you take sad songs and make them better.
And when I say sad songs, I'm talking crappy songs. Christmas has
a litter box full of crappy songs.
Make it better.
Music Association: The Beatles - Hey Jude
Make Christmas Music
December 6, 2010
Recently I was a captive audience for Christmas music created by famous people, who, I'm guessing, hate Christmas music.
There's nothing like being forced to listen (I was in a restaurant) to music by people being forced to sing.
Why are famous people forced to sing Christmas music?
A. Because it's easy to make Christmas music.
B. Recording contracts force the issue.
C. A majority of popular Christmas songs are in the public domain:
|
Angels We Have Heard (info)
Away in a Manger (info)
Deck the Halls (info)
The First Noel (info)
God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen (info)
Hark, the Herald Angels Sing (info)
In the Bleak Midwinter (info)
It Came Upon the Midnight Clear (info)
Jingle Bells (info)
Joy to the World (info) |
O Christmas Tree (info)
O Come All Ye Faithful (info)
O Holy Night (info)
O Little Town of Bethlehem (info)
Silent Night (info, languages)
Up on the Housetop (info)
We Three Kings (info)
We Wish You a Merry Christmas (info)
What Child is This? (info)
-- more hymns at Cyber Hymnal |
How to Make Christmas Music
There are plenty of public domain Christmas songs to fill an EP or a CD, without paying royalties for songs covered by copyrights like White Christmas, Winter Wonderland, and Rudolph.
Pick your songs, gather up your Christmas musician friends, practice, record using Audacity and
a good microphone, and listen to the result. Then re-record and
re-record until the results sound good. Write CDs, print CD cover
jackets, and then make the CDs available to Twin Cities restaurants
with my sincerest gratitude.
Music Association: Brenda Lee - Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree
part two
of Trouble
December 3, 2010
Reflections on Changing Road Signs
People who live west of where they work, travel east to work, sometimes
looking directly into the morning sun on their way. Going home,
they travel west, heading into the evening sun -- riding off into the
sunset. Living west of work can mean being blinded coming and going.
People who live east of where they work, only get blinded by sunlight shining on their car mirrors... and reflective signs.
One of the problems with reflective technologies is that they reflect, sometimes too much, sunlight.
Another problem with reflective technologies is when they reflect too
little, such as reflective road tape when the pavement is wet. Have you
ever noticed the white dashed line disappear when wet? Either the
reflective road tape doesn't function under a film of water or the
highway department used the wrong tape. 3M has wet-dry road tape. Either it isn't being used or white paint would be better for all conditions.
Recycling Old Road Signs
Some people are already turning road signs into furniture.
John Carter is turning Don't Walk signs into chairs, available now for $3700 (sorry, not available for Christmas). "Honey, unplug the tree; I want to plug in the chair."
Boris Bally is making chairs and tables from metal signs. And trash bins.
For people on-the-go, Tripp Gregson sells briefcases made from metal signs for $250.
And when you're on-the-go, swing by Meadville, Pennsylvania (just south of Erie), which has a huge mural and flowers made from used road signs [complete picture].
Music Association: Manfred Mann - Blinded By The Light
part one
December 2, 2010
This week the press and state highway departments are talking about a mandate to change signs to meet new Federal
requirements. A key example is to use a mix of upper and lower case,
instead of all capitalized letters, for street signs. Other changes
include bigger fonts and more reflective lettering. At issue is the
requirement to change all signs by 2018.
Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood is backing away from the Bush Administration measures, which were lobbied for by the American Traffic Safety Services Association,
which represents companies that make signs and the reflective materials
used in them. At least one study relating to the new law was funded by
the 3M Corporation.
New York City transportation officials say that replacing the 250,000
NYC street signs with more reflective ones would cost about $27.5 million.
Music Association: Five Man Electrical Band - Signs
Walk, Don't Run
December 1, 2010
I like to walk. This morning, the birds sung short songs. Car engines
squealed and sputtered. Icy sidewalks prevented completely confident
strides.
Take it slow. Notice more.
So I noticed that the sidewalks had interesting concave dots in the
ice, where the rain had dented the wet pavement while it was freezing
two nights ago. Snow dusted over the pockmarked surface, leaving a
distinctively lunar landscape in miniature on the sidewalks. I half
expected a teeny-tiny Buzz Aldrin to hop about.
All this reminds me of a dream I had this morning about the moon. Lunar
rocks were hitting the Earth, causing Earth rocks to hurl upward and
hit the moon. The moon was closer to the Earth. It was still cold, but
it was hotter than it is now. It was hot and cold.
Minnesota was cold this morning. You may wonder how cold. (How cold was it?) I'll let my cat answer that one.
Tony shakes his paw twice to indicate cold. That's his reaction to the open refrigerator.
If something is really cold, he will shake one paw twice then shake his
other paw twice. I don't think he starts with the same paw each time.
(I'll have to keep an eye on that.) The freezer is two paws cold.
Tony's highest rating of cold is three alternating paw shakes, shaking
one paw twice, then the other, then back to the first. It is so complex
that he is almost frantic to get through his signing.
When I came in from the cold, that was Tony's rating; it was a three paw morning.
Tony is a weather cat.
Music Association: Katy Perry - Hot 'N Cold
Perspectives
Oldest
Salt Mine or Longest Rescue?
November 30, 2010
CNRS reports that a salt mine was operational in the 5th millennium
B.C. The area of the Araxes Valley in
Azerbaijan
looks like well-worn, brown carpet that was never properly tacked down.
It's a fascin-yawn-ating story about the history of high sodium diets
or something. Only at the bottom of the third paragraph of the CNRS story
do we get to the real story. The headline should read --
Miners
Rescued After 7,000
Years
Not that the reporting of the story tomorrow by the
Azerbaijan
National Academy of Sciences in TÜBA-AR isn't
<yawn> excuse
me, fascinating. But the real story is the
rescue.
Four miners were trapped in the salt mine when the gallery they were
working in collapsed.
Here's how it happened: "Eook,
put your stone hammer down. That's a support column. We need that to
hold up the--"
The salty roof poured in, with the sound of thousands of salt shakers.
Then... nothing.
Except the murmur of one of the workers, "My doctor suggested that I cut
back on my salt intake."
Until a few weeks ago, the Azerbaijan
National Academy of Sciences was sitting around watching the rescue of
the Chilean miners on TV and someone said, "Hey!
We could use one of those Phoenix capsules, when they're done with
them, to rescue the four guys from the salt mine. They've been down
there a while."
I'm guessing the rescued Azerbaijan miners were in good spirits; the
CNRS story didn't say.
Music Association: Sting - A
Thousand Years
Irvin Kershner Died Today at 87
November 29, 2010
Star Wars wouldn't be Star Wars without Irvin Kershner.
Kershner, who died today in Los Angeles at age 87, directed Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back.
Many fans view Empire as the best of the Star Wars films because it was
the richest in characterization. Irvin Kershner worked with the script
and the actors of Empire to bring Star Wars to its peak.
Kershner described directing Empire as, "one of the greatest
experiences of my life."
Music Association: John Williams
- Star Wars Theme
Crowds
November 26, 2010
Music Association: Yes - I've
Seen All Good People
Lost
The Turkey?
November 25, 2010
Music Association: Dido - Thank
You
Some Traveling Music Please
Happy Thanksgiving Gotta Run
November 24, 2010
The plans are tight. There isn't a moment to spare.
The cab driver acts as though he's being paid by the minute, not the
mile. The meter just ticked off another fifty cents without us
moving?!? That's insane! Remember to call the Florida elderly tomorrow.
The iPhone blanked out for two minutes only to resuscitate to show a
low battery image. If the cab is going to charge me this much, I should
be able to charge my iPhone.
People are stoic. They're practicing the hands up pose with their
children. The airport is packed in clumps. You can speed up for a few
steps only to come to a complete halt. I'm halfway to the boarding pass
stations when I remember that I printed the thing at home. I turn
around as I remember I left the boarding pass in the printer. I turn
around again. I'll just get another boarding pass, no problem. Just the
word problem at the airport raises red flags.
This will be my second boarding pass. That could be a problem. They'll
be wondering why I printed two boarding passes. They'll review the
video of my entrance, see my 360 degree turn, and wonder if I had
second thoughts about flying. It's going to take a low-suds miracle to
get through this.
On my way to the boarding pass stations, I pass six people who each did
a 360 degree turn more or less. I guess plenty of people have second
thoughts. I'm late.
Grabbing my second boarding pass, I make my way toward -- This post was cut off by my iPhone.
Music Association: Pat Benetar - You Better Run; Bruce Springsteen - Born To Run; Tom Petty - Running Down A Dream
Some Traveling Music Please
Airport Security Screening
Doesn't Include Congress, Pilots, Or That Guy (Matt)
November 23, 2010
Here's a thought. Hire TSA officials with law enforcement degrees.
Empower TSA officials to use discretion, as well as investigative and
deductive skills learned through a college education that includes
understanding the Bill of Rights.
Why? Because random searches or seizures miss the probable cause test of the Fourth Amendment.
And the body scanners, the Advanced Imaging Technology (AIT) - Whole Body Imaging (WBI), do not detect metal or explosives and have
been implemented without independent safety data, with good reason. The
scanners use ionizing radiation, known to be harmful to:
☞ children
☞ the elderly
|
☞ pregnant women
☞ those with skin cancer |
☞ people with skin or eyes |
Here's a list of airports with the scanners. For MSP the list says, "In use at C/P [checkpoint] 10, C/P 2 has two NoS, C/P 6 has NoS in use. Avoid by using C/P 1 or 5. All C/Ps lead to the same area."
The public and TSA officials should not be put in the position
of behaving ridiculously, with the argument that everyone else is
going along with the ridiculous behavior.
Here's a flyer
(Matt) who was put in a ridiculous position and was cooperative,
logical, and had his rights respected, even if it took TSA officials a
while to figure out the correct course of action.
In a different situation, here's John Tyner's statement and YouTube video. Other situations and summaries.
Bill of Rights - Amendment IV
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers,
and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be
violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause,
supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place
to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.
Music
Association: Goo Goo Dolls - Iris "And I don't want the world to see
me. 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's
meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am."
And We're Back...
November 22, 2010
We'd like to thank Andy Rooney for filling in for us last week. His article for November 19th reminded us of the Non Sequitur cartoon for November 17th. The caveguy saying "Back in my day..." in that cartoon is Andy Rooney.
Little known trivia: Mr. Rooney
was originally supposed to play the role of the principal in Ferris
Bueller's Day Off. As the pre-production script turned into the
actual working-script, the character's name was changed to Ed Rooney
so that there wouldn't be any confusion. Grace says, "It's true."
The Guthrie Theatre in Minneapolis, playing 39 Steps and A Christmas Carol,
is no stranger to shipping around scenery, curtains, and props. With
all that experience, they have started Guthrie Trucking, with
eye-catching payloads that seem to defy gravity. Watch for them
swinging into your neighborhood.
Music Association: Grateful Dead - Truckin'
Andy Rooney: New Media
November 19, 2010
A woman
sent me a question by e-mail. I don't
know what the question was about because I never got it. This
computer on my desk is just a prop. I figure
if anyone really wants to talk with me, they
should write a letter or maybe call and leave a message.
This
woman didn't do those things.
Instead
she came to CBS to see me.
The
interns woke me up and propped open my eyelids in the usual way.
The
woman told me she had written a song about my eyebrows. I asked if she
could text message it to me.
"You
text message?!?" she asked.
I
replied, "No."
Music Association: 60 Minutes -
tic
Andy Rooney: Low Brow
November 18, 2010
Have you
ever wondered why my eyebrows are so bushy?
I've
lost sleep over them. I really
have.
You see,
the interns over here at CBS use my eyebrows to hook open my eyelids.
It's to
keep me from falling asleep during...
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Music Association: 60 Minutes -
tic tic tic
Andy Rooney: The Comic
November 17, 2010
Have you
ever wondered why these things are still called comic books? I know I
have.
Comic
books
aren't that funny. And the last time I could lift my dictionary it said
that anything comic, or comical, or comics were about being funny. I guess
my dictionary was written before anyone knew Bob Saget.
Some
people
call comic books graphic novels. I think that sounds a little
pretentious, don't you? But then, it's better than calling them
Illustrated Periodicals.
Here's
a funny scene in a comic book.
Batman
is
teasing Robin about Supergirl. If I'm reading this right, Dick Grayson
is now Batman. Next thing you know, they'll be telling me that Jimmy
Olsen is Superman.
Maybe
comic books are funny not for what the characters say but for what they
wear.
I
know I'd feel more than a little silly wearing a comic book costume.
The
Batman mask would probably have to be altered to fit my eyebrows.
Music Association: 60 Minutes -
tic tic tic tic tic
Andy Rooney: Airport Security
November 16, 2010
It's that time of year when people who don't normally travel are
traveling, so I'm going to tell you about the changes at the airport.
The biggest change is the full body scanners. They used to just wave a
wand over you.
I'd stand there and try to act impressed.
Now that I'm ninety-one years old, they want to see more of me.
I don't have a problem with that. I have a problem with the reactions
of the airport security officials. The gasps. The snickers. And I'm not
sure the Mardi Gras beads are really necessary.
A man in San Diego recently protested being searched at the airport.
I've made a good living out of complaining about things, so I believe
he has a right to complain.
I think there is a big difference between profiling and making
reasonable, investigative decisions.
But if you check, reasonable decisions aren't on the list of acceptable
items.
Music Association: 60 Minutes -
tic tic tic tic tic tic tic
Now and Zen
Zen and the Art of Snow Shoveling
November 15, 2010
Motionless in the motion of the falling snow.
My shovel -- held horizontal -- caught the snow.
I wait for the shovel to fill.
I dove into
snow shoveling.
It's all natural: Me. The snow. The task.
The repetition.
Music Association: Dido - White
Flag "Where's the sense in that?"
Snow
November 13, 2010
Lots of snow - shoveling - plowing - power outages...
I had to use my foot-pedal computer to post this.
Xcel Energy says that over 60,000 are
without power.
Since this is Minnesota's first significant snowfall of the season, the
snow has some catching up to do.
Music Association: Dean Martin -
Let It Snow
Two Weeks Until Black Friday - National
Shopping Day
November 12, 2010
Black Friday accounts for a significant percentage of annual retail
sales. Generally, retail doesn't make much money during the year.
Holiday sales tip the balance.
How much depends upon the retail sector. For example, jewelry stores
average about 30% of their sales during the weeks prior to Christmas.
Department stores, discount stores, and
electronic stores average about 22% of their sales from this time of
year, according to the National
Retail Federation (NRF) and this chart →
It doesn't make sense. What NRF is saying is that during these four
weeks they double the usual monthly traffic. Double?!? It
couldn't possibly be only double.
Are the parking lots full with only double the usual cars? Are the
stores packed with only double the number of shoppers?
I can explain. The reasons why it only averages out to be double usual
sales are:
♦
some stores are packed
and some aren't
(Have you ever wondered where all the good stuff is sold? It's at those
other
stores.)
♦
many people wandering
through the stores aren't buying
♦
some people aren't paying
-- NRF says the cost of theft is $3.7 billion
♦
some store employees
drive multiple cars to work
Checking over the multitude of NRF statistics, there doesn't seem to be
any facts or figures relating to retail employees driving multiple cars
to retail store parking lots. It just seems like that's what is
happening. For those of you wondering how multiple cars could be driven
by one individual, it is really quite simple. Have you ever walked
through a parking lot and seen a dog sitting in the driver's seat of a
vehicle? That's one way multiple cars get to the parking lot -- dogs
that drive. AutoDrive
is another way
multiple vehicles get to the same destination. Another way is when
someone's car breaks down in the lot, they go home and drive another
car in so they have a way home at night. And some retail employees, the
really efficient ones, use those trucks that haul multiple vehicles,
fill 'em up, and drop them off in the parking lots.
Music Association: Beatles -
Drive My Car
The 11th Hour of the 11th Day of the 11th Month
November 11, 2010
The First World War was said to have ended on the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month.
But it didn't. Shots were still being fired. People still died. So why perpetuate the myth?
Cut it out.
Music Association: Aerosmith - Dream On
Veterans and Active Duty Military Eat Free
November 10, 2010
Tomorrow is Veterans' Day. To celebrate, Applebees & Chili's will offer free meals to veterans and active duty military.
The Twin Cities Calendar lists some other deals for Veterans' Day.
We stand by you.
Music Association: Carrie Underwood - I'll Stand By You
Particle Collision Coverage
Yesterday's Mini-Big Bang
November 8, 2010
European physicists are unhappy. They were
unhappy enough before yesterday that they decided to switch from
colliding protons to colliding lead ions. Yesterday, they created a
mini-big bang.
Oxymoron alert: A mini-big bang is like jumbo shrimp or awful nice or good grief; it just doesn't make sense.
But what really doesn't make sense is why CERN scientists are trying to restart the universe.
And if they were mad before, whoa-ho-ho, they are ticked off now that they didn't end the universe with a new beginning.
They must be mad... Mad scientists. They tried to blow everything up and now they're even madder.
If they thought they could somehow get rich off ending the universe,
they aren't as bright as the "million times the center of the sun" that
they created yesterday. Most insurance companies do not cover particle
collisions. It doesn't matter if the collisions are caused by protons
or ions; insurance companies want no part of it.
So what happened? Anything?
Yesterday's collision occurred at about the start of the fourth quarter
of the Minnesota Vikings game against the Arizona Cardinals. That could
explain some changes in the Metrodome, but it was hardly a whole new
universe.
Music Association: Coldplay - The Scientist
When A Clock Is Hungry, It Goes Back Four Seconds
November 5, 2010
Daylight Savings Time ends this weekend with clocks falling back one hour to standard time between Saturday and Sunday.
If you have clocks with London, Paris, Rome, and Moscow time, you should have changed those on Halloween.
This map shows which
countries have Daylight Savings, or Summer Time as the Brits call it.
Europe, Russia, and Egypt have it. China, India, Argentina, most of
Arizona, and most of Africa don't have it.
Music Associations: Cher - If I Could Turn Back Time & Coldplay - Clocks
Oh! Oh! I know this one. Um. Gravity!
November 4, 2010
Ask me another one.
Music Association: Blood, Sweat, & Tears - Spinning Wheel "What goes up, must come down."
National Shift
November 3, 2010
Geologists say that due to the forces of plate tectonics, the Atlantic
Ocean is getting larger at a rate of 3/4 of an inch each year.
Yesterday's elections were a setback to geologists (and their charts) as the country took a big shift to the right.
"We'd like to say that we knew it was coming, that our magnetometers were rocking off the rock charts, but the rightward shift took us by surprise," a leading geologist said this morning. "I mean, I felt it, or at least I think I did. I know my dog Rocky did. He was barking up a storm."
When asked how far the nation actually moved, the geologist said, "We've
been seeing a rightward lean for some time. It was a lean, kind of like
the whole country is going around a curve, you know? Some of my
colleagues say it's been going on for years. Others say the horizon has
been un-horizontal since about the beginning of this century. We don't
know how far we've moved, but we're sure to get funding to study it. We
always get funding. As long as we don't mention evolution, we always
get funding. Right. Left. Up. Down. It doesn't matter. The defense
contractors get paid. Foreign countries get paid. And geological
rightwardly-shifting studies will get paid."
Music Association: Supertramp - Right
Creativity Evolved
Give Up & Throw It Away
November 2, 2010
Have you ever had multiple conversations with diverse and
divergent people and each conversation gravitates in a particular
direction and no matter how hard you cling to another tangent, the
conversation is taking you along for the ride? Recent conversations
about creativity keep migrating toward the subject of rough drafts.
So here's my take on rough drafts -- all drafts are rough drafts.
A recycling bin holds my paintings, or as I call them, used canvases.
I used to wonder about artists with unfinished paintings or who painted
over previous paintings. Why would they paint over their paintings?
Rough drafts.
Musicians talk about having kicked around a song for years. My reaction
is: why didn't you put it out years ago? Rough draft. It wasn't ready
yet. The musician had to learn what the song needed.
When a work can't go on, it needs to be shelved. It is
okay to give up. I give up all the time... short term. Shelving a work
until later is a way of saying, "I'm not ready to give it what it
needs."
Sometimes shelving a work is not good enough. I want it out. Crumpling
up work has a finality. It is satisfying to destroy inferior work. I
can never get that on a computer. Makers of writing software and
graphics software should incorporate a crumple feature. It would help the creative process.
To create masterpieces, you have to dispose of inferior pieces.
Previously (Oct 19th) I posted about time. The creative process needs
progress to move forward. It needs time. One of the most efficient uses
of time is to destroy inferior work right after creating it. It's the
only way to fully move on.
That's why I could never be a tattoo artist. Tattoos are difficult to throw away.
Music Association: Genesis - Throwing It All Away
Creativity Explored
Dead Artists Have No Ego
November 1, 2010
Art history is chock full of artists who died in penniless obscurity.
It is so common that maybe it's part of the natural evolution of an
artist.
Death is the turning point for most artists.
No, really, the moment the artist dies the value of their work
skyrockets. The praise of the life's work is both exalting and
uplifting... or would be except the artist is dead.
And maybe it's because dead artists have no ego.
Ego gets in the way of art. The audience can't see the work because the artist is standing in the way, admiring the thing.
Or the audience studies the work, calculates a thousand potential
meanings of the thing, only to find out from the artist that it was a
pattern left in the remains of breakfast.
Or else the artist refuses to part with the artwork because it is
substandard, but the art world (the world of art -- picture oceans
painted with medium and light cadmium blue) sees the work as nothing
less than revolutionary.
And praise doesn't help. Praise says, "Do more of this." Ouch. That can
confuse artists into copying their own work. Self-plagiarism is the
lowest of the low. It is poison to creativity. "The fans want a sequel."
If self-plagiarism is poison, committees are a nuclear warhead. A
committee will grind the creativity out of any work. It becomes a
wonder how good movies can be made. We praise the
writer-director-actors who do it all, but they have the easiest task;
they are a voice of one.
Artists don't need committees or self-plagiarism. They need to improve
on their previous work. And on their death, art collectors will know
that the best won't be getting any better.
Criticism is the best thing for artists, other than death. Criticism pushes the artist to be better.
You can do better.
Music Association: Rachael Lampa - The Art "Life is just the art of living on."
Great... Just Great...
October 31, 2010
Linus believes in the Great Pumpkin.
And yet, the Great Pumpkin lets Linus down every year. Maybe it's worth
asking, who is the Great Pumpkin? And then muttering maybe the Great
Pumpkin isn't so great after all. Maybe this is the lesser pumpkin, the
no-so-great pumpkin, the clearance 50% off pumpkin.
I'll tell you who the great pumpkin is, but I need to choose my words carefully because (whispering) the Great Pumpkin is reading this right now!
First, to clear up that Greatness issue, the Great Pumpkin is great.
It's great to say that. Say it with me. "The Great Pumpkin is Great."
Second, to clear up the issue of whether or not the great pumpkin
exists, clearly the Great Pumpkin exists because the Great Pumpkin has
a Wikipedia
page filled with errors and inconsistencies. It is true however that
the Great Pumpkin appreciates sincerity and is easily offended.
Most importantly, the Great Pumpkin is not just found in the
orange glow of pumpkin patches. The Great Pumpkin is in
each one of us. Recently while visiting a pumpkin patch, I was
mistaken for the Great Pumpkin. I told the kid, no, actually the Great
Pumpkin is you. "No it's you," the kid replied. "Oh no, it's you."
That's when the pumpkin fight started.
The pumpkin fight ended when the owner of the pumpkin patch said, "Great... Just great..."
So you see, you don't have to go very far to find the Great Pumpkin.
Happy Halloween, Great Pumpkin.
Music Association: Bobby "Boris" Pickett - Monster Mash
Believe In What You Believe In
October 30, 2010
Some believe in pop stars, the latest technology, sports teams, local
newscasters or pundits. And usually they are selective in what they
like. "I like this, but not that." I believe in art. Not all art,
specific art.
My favorite artists are people that I know. I have the inside track. I get to look behind the curtain.
Other artists filling my bookshelves include M.C. Escher,
Georges-Pierre Seurat, Leonardo da Vinci, Vincent van Gogh, Chuck
Jones, Bill Watterson, Wiley Miller, Frank Cho, Berke
Breathed, George Perez, Adam Hughes, Darwin Cooke, Terry Moore,
and Charles Schulz.
Charles Schulz was from St. Paul. His attitudes were from St. Paul.
Maybe that's why my greatest connection to the Peanuts comes from his
early works, connected to the changing seasons and quickly changing
moods.
His later work was more California. Not that there is anything
inherently wrong with California, but it is not Midwest and not
Minnesota.
Charlie Brown is not of either coast; Charlie Brown is from the middle.
Music Association: The Coasters - Charlie Brown
Bach to a Liszt You Can Handel
October 29, 2010
It's insidious how much classical music I know just because of the way
it sneaks around. It's everywhere. You want a list? I'll give you a
list. I'll start at the beginning.
Beginning
The beginning of 2001: A Space Odyssey starts with Richard Strauss (the sunrise fanfare from Also sprach Zarathustra, opus 30 composed in 1896) and soon moves to the Blue Danube waltz (1866) by Strauss when the Pan Am spaceplane is matching the rotation of the space station.
Weddings
The Ordinary People post from a few days ago brought to mind the theme to the movie Ordinary People, which was Johann Pachelbel's Canon in D major (1919). It's played at weddings, but Ordinary People was more about divorce. Other wedding music includes Felix Mendelssohn's Wedding March (1842) from A Midsummer Night's Dream, the Bridal Chorus (1850) by Richard Wagner, Jesu, Joy Of Man's Desiring (1716) by Johann Sebastian Bach, and Ode To Joy (1824) by Ludwig van Beethoven.
Joy is often represented by the Hallelujah Chorus from The Messiah (1741) by George Handel.
Now Playing
Beethoven reminds me of Schroeder from Peanuts, who plays Für Elise (1867) on his toy piano. The Olympics regularly play variations of Bugler's Dream (1958) by Leo Arnaud and Fanfare for the Common Man (1942) by Aaron Copland with new arrangements by John Williams. Star Wars themes by John Williams were inspired by The Planets suite (1916) by Gustav Holst with darker themes (Star Wars I-III) from O Fortuna (1935) by Carl Orff.
Magicians and acrobats in movies were represented by Sobre Las Olas (1884) by Juventino Rosas. Circus music is either the Entrance of the Gladiators (1897) by Julius Fučík or Sabre Dance (1942) by Aram Khachaturian, which also accompanies plate spinning. Hyperactivity is also represented by the Flight of the Bumblebee from The Tale of Tsar Saltan (1900) by Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov.
Piano competitions in cartoons use the Hungarian Rhapsody No. 2 (1847) by Franz Liszt. The ragtime piano of The Entertainer (1902) by Scott Joplin was repopularized by the movie The Sting. Rhapsody in Blue (1924) by George Gershwin
has been used by United Airlines commercials... Wait. Does United
Airlines advertise any more? You know, "Come Fly The Friendly Skies."
Oh. Right.
The End
Graduation exercises often use the Pomp and Circumstance March (1901) by Edward Elgar. Fate is represented in popular culture through the first few notes (shown above) of Symphony No. 5 (1808) by Beethoven. And the classic funeral music comes from the Piano Sonata No. 2 (1839) by Frédéric Chopin.
Halloween
Toccata and Fugue in D minor
(1707?) is the heavy, spooky organ music that might have been
composed by Bach. Researchers opened Bach's coffin to investigate. They
found him erasing sheet music. They asked what he was doing. Bach said,
"I'm decomposing."
Music Association (classic classical music): Mozart - Eine kleine Nachtmusik
The President on The Daily Show
October 28, 2010
President Obama visited The Daily Show with Jon Stewart yesterday, while The Daily Show visits Washington DC.
It was history in the making, but most people aren't very entertained by history, no matter how fresh it is.
The show was above average, but I expected more.
Music Association: Schoolhouse Rock - Preamble
Ordinary People
October 26, 2010
It's funny what people do for attention. I have the opposite trouble. I
try to blend. I try to be subtle. It almost never works.
A crowd was walking by me this weekend. I wasn't doing anything.
Nothing! Okay, I might have been smirking, but it wasn't on purpose. I
always smirk. I'm Captain Smirk. And whenever I realize I'm doing it, I
wipe it off my face. I wasn't smirking the entire time, yet people were
staring at me like I had antennas.
I did not.
More media means less attention. The stars are looking less bright.
I'm not a star.
I'm ordinary people.
And I have no interest in watching the movie Ordinary People.
Been there, lived that.
Have a good day.
Music Associations: America - Lonely People; The Beatles - Eleanor Rigby
DeBeers Replies
October 21, 2010
DeBeers Marketing: Thank you for yesterday's message.
Hopes and Dreams: We thought of replying to your Cease and
Desist letter with another Cease and Desist letter
to cease the Cease letters. But we thought, "Nah."
DeBeers Marketing: We liked the bling. We also liked, "Sorry
Mommy's ring scratched you. Isn't it gorgeous?!?"
That might be our new slogan. Got any other ideas?
Hopes and Dreams: Black background. Diamond. The text says:
"Love isn't measured by two months.
Love is years.
How could two months salary be good enough?
DeBeers."
DeBeers Marketing: Can we have that?
Hopes and Dreams: It's yours.
DeBeers Marketing: Some of us are on the floor laughing.
Hopes and Dreams: That's why we're here.
Music Association: Shirley Bassey - Diamonds Are Forever
October 20, 2010
The DeBeers cartel has stepped in and asked that we remove all references to the wedding sock, unless we work with the DeBeers Marketing Department to create a DeBeers Sock, with or without diamonds.
That sort of creativity sounds great, but diamonds are dangerous. And
it's not because the diamond industry has been polluting the Birim
River downstream of Akwatia, Ghana since 1947, nor is it because of the diamond wars, nor Al-Qaeda's money laundering through diamonds. It's because diamonds are pointy.
Diamond rings cut the wearer and those hands that the wearer holds.
Diamond cuts account for a significant percentage of cuts on the hands
of children that Johnson & Johnson, makers of Band-Aid brand
bandages, offers children's bling bandages that say, "Sorry
mommy's ring cut you; Isn't It Gorgeous!" Bling bandages are sold
at fine jewelry counters.
Music Association: Culture Club - Do You Really Want To Hurt Me; Nick Lowe - Cruel To Be Kind
It's Time
October 19, 2010
I wish you could see (or imagine) time the way I see it.
I was putting on a sock in the dark this morning, but the sock was
rolled in on itself. That's what time is like. Time is cyclical. A
clock is a good representation of time. Except it isn't. Time meets at
the same places, but it also moves forward without exactly coming back,
like a spring. Except that a spring doesn't have a defined beginning
that all parts point to and away from.
A sock has a beginning, is cyclical, and is open ended -- just like time.
And it's inverted on itself. I'm not sure I can explain that part.
Maybe time is the sock, and life is the inverted sock. And Time-Life is anthology media.
Footnote
At weddings when they talk about a ring as a symbol
of a relationship, I try not to visibly cringe. A ring is a symbol of a
relationship that goes around and around but doesn't get anywhere. The
alternative? With this spring I thee wed?!? No. The wedding sock.
We are gathered here... like toes... at the beginning of
the wedding sock. The wedding sock encompasses the soul of
relationships. It is soft, keeps them snuggly warm, heels them, and is
open ended -- the first step in this couple's new lives together.
Music Associations: Alan Parsons Project - Time; Pink Floyd - Time;
Felix Mendelssohn - Wedding March
News Analysis
Bin Laden Comfortable in Pakistan
October 18, 2010
Yesterday when Dr. Stan should have been analyzing the Vikings narrow
win over the Cowboys, he was telling me about media bias. He wasn't
talking about the obvious political slants that cause preschoolers to
shout "Conservative [expletive]!" or
"Liberal [expletive]!" and then run out the door. Dr. Stan was talking
about the news sources that put the initial spin on a story that was
invented for some purpose.
To entertain him beyond what we were talking about, I'll pick one of today's stories: NATO official says, Osama Bin Laden living in relative comfort in Pakistan. Time to ask questions.
Why?
Why do we care? Is this a news story? Most media stories fail these basic journalistic tests. They are fluff. The USA Today is a very fluffy newspaper (wow, stairs are a form of exercise?!?). But this story came from CNN. (Not that CNN doesn't have fluff...)
Who?
CNN doesn't have journalists wandering around Pakistan. So they rely on
a NATO official. Who's a NATO official? Well, if it were someone French
or British, they would have said that, not that the French or British
are wandering around Pakistan. NATO official means CIA official, not
that the CIA is wandering around Pakistan much either.
What? Where?
What is the point of this story? It seems like the point is that Bin
Laden's location is known and that people who might side with Bin Laden
should not be concerned for his well-being. He's doing fine. He's
watching TV. The address is a house in northwest Pakistan, ranging from
the Chinese border to the Kurram Valley (Nixon's nose on the western
border). Looking at a map of Pakistan, the CIA has narrowed the address down to about 200 sq. miles.
That's not a house; that's a camper.
When?
Why now? What is the timing of this story? Is it to convince Al-Qaeda
that their leaders are not in caves or washed out to sea by the floods?
Probably not. Is it to convince Pakistan to get off the fence, stop
treating Bin Laden like a guest,
and find him? Probably. What about Americans? If Americans read the
story, they're probably supposed to think, "Oh, we know where he is.
The Pakistani Intelligence have him guarded. He's under control."
Conclusions
The Minnesota Vikings started to meld as a team yesterday.
News sources have their own agendas.
And Bin Laden wants more snack food.
Music Association: Shakira - Spy
world peas
Best Halloween Costume: Phoenix Capsule
October 13, 2010
FENIX
The rescue operations for the trapped Chilean miners went great.
As of 8:05pm CST, all 33 of the 33 miners have been rescued using a 13 foot
tube -- the Phoenix Capsule -- built by the Chilean Navy. The Chilean
flag and FENIX is painted on the outside. The interior of the capsule is 21"
in diameter. Austria cranes and pulleys hoist the capsule up the mine
shaft and lower it again. The ascent took about 15 minutes; the
descent took about 20 minutes.
Lilianete Ramirez, the wife of the oldest miner Mario Gomez, said that
she never lost hope... that having hope is part of having faith... not specific
to any particular religion.
The capsule would make a perfect Halloween costume. It has both a scare factor and a greatness.
Music Association: Roger Daltry - Free Me; Roger Daltry - I'm Free
Unwritten Rules
October 12, 2010
- Talk quietly at a funeral or in a library or while watching golf. Or any combination.
- Don't correct conversational grammar.
- Don't talk with your mouth full or when watching a movie at a movie theater.
- If you are strong and able, keep your elbows off the table.
- Don't wear white after Labor Day or before Memorial Day. It's a Minnesota rule related to being lost in a blizzard.
- Wear clothes. (Might be just a Minnesota issue.)
- Hold a door for others and wipe your feet. I have ape arms so I can do both simultaneously.
- Face the door in an elevator. If there are two doors, pick one.
- Walk on the right side of the sidewalk or hallway.
- Be polite, fair, respectful, helpful, and civil.
Music Association: Beach Boys - Wouldn't It Be Nice
Tomorrow's Tech
Holiday Sales
October 11, 2010
This is one of those semi-confusing times of the year when retailers
have their Halloween stuff out, but the ghosts of Christmas yet-to-come
are already muscling out the Halloween ghosts. Somewhere in-between is
Black Friday, the national shopping day (Nov. 26th). A recent Accenture poll
shows 5% fewer people will buy on Black Friday, and 5% more will buy
on-line. (It's probably the same 5%). People are also planning to spend
the same or less than in 2009. A SymphonyIRI survey has shoppers promising that this year they:
$$$ - will not fall for extended payment plans [20%]
$$$ - will only buy items on their lists [33%]
$$$ - will use the Internet to compare prices [75%]
$$$ - will buy more functional items, less Chia-pet electronics [24%]
Despite the Accenture and SymphonyIRI polls, the National Retail Federation expects a 2.3% holiday sales increase, which is about the same as the 2.2% increase they expected in 2008, which instead resulted in a 2.8% decline.
Some shoppers might be looking for the Amazon Kindle in color. An article in the journal Applied Physics Letters, titled High reflectivity electrofluidic pixels with zero-power grayscale operation explains that a color Kindle may be available in three years.
An over-supply of LCD TV panels is expected to drive the price of flat screen TVs down by 5% in time for the holidays.
Shoppers looking for a self-driving car should read the novel, Hopes and Dreams: Stuck on AutoDrive.
Google has reported that they have self-driving cars being tested in
California. The cars will not be available anytime soon. It's just
self-promotion.
Google has identified top product searches:
For people with over-flowing wallets, the Neiman-Marcus Christmas Book
is now available. The $250,000 houseboat on page 40 may not
overflow in calm water, and the $15,000 Edible Gingerbread Playhouse on
page 47 may provide a safe refuge on board the houseboat. Or $150,000 will get you a Batmobile.
GottaDeal has some best Black Friday practices for retailers.
Music Association: The Beatles - Can't Buy Me Love
The Bad Guys of the Good Guys
War Profiteers
October 10, 2010
NATO contractors are blowing up their own fuel depots and trucks in Pakistan so the Taliban doesn't have to bother.
Pakistan is playing both sides of the war. The U.S. funds Pakistan. The Bush Administration provided Pakistan $3 billion over 5 years. The Obama Administration will provide $1.5 billion over 5 years. Pakistan just reopened
the Torkham checkpoint at the Khyber Pass border for NATO supplies after
an 11-day blockade, which provided easy targets for the Taliban. Pakistan forbids
cross-border raids by foreign forces, seeing them as violations of the
country's sovereignty, but that doesn't include the Taliban or Al-Qaeda
-- they're local forces. Pakistan wants to be at the center of war and peace in that part of the world.
Taliban security & protection racket
-- In southern Afghanistan, security contractors can't protect supply
convoys, so insurgents -- The Taliban -- are paid off by the U.S.
forces to protect against them (the insurgents) [U.S. House report].
Corporate profiteers, like
Blackwater, Diligence LLC, and Science Applications International
Corporation (SAIC), are historically analyzed in a two-part report by Global Research and The Foreign Policy Journal. U.S. contractor The Louis Berger Group
of New Jersey built a health clinic in Qalai Qazi, Afghanistan with
non-functioning or leaking plumbing and a flimsy flume chimney that
could set fire to the roof [CorpWatch report]. But the Berger Group is not one of the big dogs. Here's the big dogs -- the top 100 defense contractors. For comparison, here are world defense expenditures.
Cost of the war in Afghanistan: $340,939,897,859.
Cost of the war in Iraq: $ 751,799,716,515.
Music
Associations: Dire Straits - Money For Nothing; Flying Lizards - Money;
Steve Miller - Take The Money And Run; The O’Jays - For The Love
Of Money; Pink Floyd - Money
Habitats
October 9, 2010
Been too busy with Habitat for Humanity to notice a habitat decline of a native population: duck hunters.
Duck hunter populations have been halved over the past three years.
The DNR speculates that wetland decline may have contributed to the
loss of duck hunters. Other factors may include the economy and duck
hunter breeding.
"Young duck hunters aren't appearing in the numbers they once were," a
DNR statistician reported. "Maybe it's fewer wetlands...
or that funding has dried up for breeding programs. Certainly
Elmer Fudd is not the household name he once was." Duck season began October 2nd.
Music Association: Dido - Hunter
Lumber, The President, & Tom Petty
October 6, 2010
Some guys go to a lumberyard for some wood. One of them goes in to buy
it. The guy asks for some wood. They ask him, "What type and what
size?" "I'll check," he says and goes out. A few minutes later he comes
back in and says, "I'd like some pine four by twos." They ask, "Don't
you mean two by fours?" "I'll check," he says. A few minutes later he
comes back in and says, "Yeah, two by fours." They ask, "How long do
you want them?" He says, "I'll check." Ten minutes later he comes back
in and says, "A long time. We're building a house!"
I got my picture taken with President Carter today and shook hands with
Rosalynn Carter. President Carter told a story about building 100 homes
in five days in Lonavala near Mumbai, India. He said, "Brad Pitt showed
up and so did more than 2,000 volunteers, most of them women, who got
the job done in four days."
Meanwhile, I'm working two stories up on a ladder today, and the radio decides to play Tom Petty's song Free Fallin'.
Funny.
Music Association: Tom Petty - Free Fallin'
Working on the Highways and Byways
October 5, 2010
Yesterday was World Habitat Day, and I've been working with
the Habitat for Humanity on a house in Minneapolis. It's all part
of the Jimmy & Rosalynn Carter Work Project 2010 taking place this
week in five cities hard hit by foreclosure: Washington DC, Annapolis,
Baltimore, Minneapolis, St. Paul, and Birmingham.
Here's how the road looked in the middle of the night from Sunday's zip-in-zip-out trip to Chicago.
Looking around Chicago for a few hours, it was just the way I left it, only different.
Music Associations: Sam Cooke - Chain Gang; The Cars - Drive
September 30, 2010
I can never stay awake while reading the journal Sleep.
All month I've been picking up the September issue and
turning to
my bookmark resting on page 1147. The title of the article on page 1147
is Separating the
Contribution of
Glucocorticoids and Wakefulness to the Molecular and
Electrophysiological Correlates of Sleep Homeostasizzzzzzzzzzzzzz
z z z zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
I can never get past the title.
Most of the articles in Sleep are about sleep disorders. That's the
antithesis of my problem. I am very orderly about my sleep. If you read
my novel, you could infer that my sleep is highly organized. My issue
is dreams. If an issue of Sleep talked about dreams that fit my
experiences and then went the next step, I would be wide-awake reading
it.
Essentially I'm dreaming of an issue of Sleep that would take my dreams
to a next level.
Music Association: Molly Hatchet
- Dreams I'll Never See
September 29, 2010
Yesterday morning the Mississippi River at St. Paul was just
above 11 feet. Flood level is 14 feet. The river is expected
to
crest at 18 feet on Saturday.
They say the Mississippi River is fresh water. I
disagree.
This is last week's rain water that's coming downstream. It's
old
water. The music association isn't Stormy Weather. The weather forecast
for the Twin Cities calls for either sun or sun with clouds for the
rest of the week.
Old water or not, cars are not boats. If you disagree, you'll need to
get your car licensed
as a watercraft before hitting the water.
The Minnesota Department of Transportation has the most up-to-date
information on road closures due to flooding. Check before you drive by
web
or by dialing 511.
Music Association: Talking Heads
- Take Me To The River
The puffin population on the
Isle of May has dropped by a third over the past few years.
Music Association: The Beatles -
Blackbird
Change the World - Part II
September 27, 2010
Hey-whoa, I thought the issue of Palestinian settlements had until the
30th to be settled. Let me check my calendar. Yes, it's the 27th. Maybe
it was the 30th on the Hebrew calendar. The good news is that so far
the Palestinians haven't walked out on the talks. The bad news is that
it doesn't sound like they are getting anywhere. And apparently the
U.S. isn't putting pressure on Israel
to extend the freeze on construction in the West Bank. The freeze
should continue. I'm an expert at freezes (all Minnesotans are). I'll
go.
I'll say, "No, the bulldozer won't operate in a freeze
without
costly modifications. You'd need an entirely different grade of oil
that's not available in your part of the world. We'd have to ship oil
from the northern United States." [argument in Hebrew] "Yes, I suppose
Siberia would have 5W30. They might even have 4W30."
And speaking of freezing, the Arctic will be again. The ice cap melted down
to its minimum size this month, but not as small as its record
minimum in 2007. That could be good news, but I think their math
is wrong, so it may be just the appearance
of good news until NASA's math is graded. (Am I the only one checking
the math at Arctic Sea Ice News?!?)
Music Association: Phineas
& Ferb - Somebody Give Me A Grade
Change the World
September 24, 2010
The job of news is to be current, not most important, whether the scale
is local, national or international. If I were to
pick the most important news story of today it would be the Israeli - Palestinian peace talks,
which could
change the world.
The best sum up at the moment is at The Economist.
But the context and ramifications were painted very clearly by King
Abdullah II of Jordan from last night's The
Daily Show and extended
interview.
The king of Jordan explains the context that Jordan is between Iraq and
a hard place and quotes that there's "enough religion in this world for
us to hate each other, but not enough religion for us to love one
another."
The deadline on the issue of settlements is September 30th. If that
deadline passes without a resolution, the talks will end. If the talks
end, the king believes war
will breakout by the end of the year. The United States will become
involved in the fight.
The U.S. doesn't sit out of many wars.
And the moderates will disappear within the next ten years.
On the other hand, if the talks lead to the creation of a Palestinian
state, the two country solution, there will be peace; all Muslim
nations (including Iran) signed the Arab peace proposal-initiative
stating that if Israel creates a Palestinian state, the Arab nations
will recognize Israel. And Iran "cannot play mischief" anymore, because
the first people that would ask Iran why they are threatening Israel
would be the Palestinians themselves. The global issues of Al-Qaeda and
Iran would be defused.
Music Associations: Beatles - Day
In The Life "I read the news today, oh boy."
Eric Clapton - Change The World
Chili Interview
The Vikings Sit Out September
September 22, 2010
"It's not that we're sitting out September," Coach Chili said recently.
"Look. It's a long season. You know that, and I know that. We're pacing ourselves."
After a pause, he continued, "Watch the crowd. Look at the percentages. A lot of people clear out before the end of the game.
"We did that at the end of last season. This year we're clearing out at the start."
Chili did a cough-and-throat-clearing-hack. "We'll still play. I'll
conjecture that Favre will still taunt the opponent with the ball...
ah... he'll say, 'Want the ball? Want the ball? You know you want
it.'
"Adrian Peterson will still run without letting his feet touch the
ground, as if he's Superman, you know. We'll still do that
thing... ah... where we play a great Vikings moment and the
play-by-play and have a fan try to match it, you know, letting the
radio people know that they're replaceable.
"The cheerleaders won't be spinning around in circles as much, you know, so they won't tire as quickly.
"We want the team to be healthy. We want the players to be healthier. And we want their minds to be healthiest."
Chili hacked and continued, "What we figured out after [the last
season] was that we prepared for the season not the Super Bowl. We
decided, what the heck, let's try it the other way around."
The Vikings play the Detroit Lions at the Metrodome on Sunday, September 26th.
Music Association: Zombies - Time of the Season
At Center
The Marching Band Refused To Yield
September 21, 2010
The Minnesota Vikings may sign WR Vincent Jackson from the San Diego Chargers. Jackson is an unsigned, restricted free-agent with a suspension for personal conduct and substance abuse.
But before the ball gets to the wide receiver or even to quarterback Brett Favre, the ball starts with center Jon Cooper.
Cooper wasn't getting the ball cleanly to Favre on Sunday against the
Dolphins. There wasn't a fumble, but the snaps didn't look solid.
And yet the league just retired a center who went to the 2010 Pro Bowl -- Kevin Mawae.
Mawae retired this month, saying "It's kind of befuddling to me that I
just came off my eighth Pro Bowl and a 16-game season, and I can't get
one phone call." But the reason he isn't getting snapped up is that he's the NFL Players Association president, who has been embroiled in heated negotiations with the league for a collective bargaining agreement (CBA) and, if possible, prevent a lockout 160 days from now.
Reflecting on Sunday's game, the Vikings need to practice the
Cooper-Favre combination to see if it can improve. If not, maybe a trio
of Vikings players could talk Mawae out of retirement.
And while the wish list is handy, some passing plays would be good.
Maybe my point of view is distorted from the silver tuba.
Music Association: Don McLean - American Pie
Pardon My Dolphin
The Minnesota Vikings Lose to Miami (14-10)
September 20, 2010
The first home game against the Dolphins ended in a loss for the Vikings.
A sold-out Metrodome, silver tubas, and Adrian Peterson's floating feet
couldn't overcome Favre's 4 turnovers. Yet it is all part of a much
wider plan, as will be explained in an exclusive interview with Coach Chili, to be reported here later this week.
On the way to the game, my inflatable Dolphin (with black Xs over its
eyes) nudged some people in the crowd. I said, "Pardon my Dolphin."
Music Association: Incubus - Pardon Me
What's So Funny?
September 16, 2010
"As soon as you have made a thought, laugh at it." - Lao Tzu
Nothing ruins humor so much as talking about it or explaining it. I
could ask if the combination of the headline and picture from
Sept. 15th was funny. But I'm not going to explain the correlation.
The audience makes the laughs; the comedian doesn't.
If only comedians could get more random audiences. There are two or three audiences that are devastating to comedians:
► needs explanation
► comedy analysis
► high expectations
Needs Explanation
The audience that is whispering "I don't get it" is trouble on several
levels. First if they don't get it, maybe it wasn't funny. Wait for the
next joke. But asking for an explanation will not help. The balloon has
popped. The surprise is over. And now they are talking over the set up
to the next joke, causing a problem for themselves and those around
them. Not all jokes are funny to all people. Let it go.
Comedy Analysis
Comedians make the worst audiences because they are dissecting the joke
while it is being told. They are plucking seeds from the flower before
it has fully bloomed to take back to their own comedy field. And they
tend to be jealous of the laughs their competition receives.
High Expectations
The problem with going out to see a comedian is that the audience is expecting to laugh.
If the comedian's sets don't at least match audience expectations, the comedian will bomb.
And the worst thing that can happen to a comedian, besides following a
funnier or more sympathetic comedian, is to have a bad introduction.
Some host will raise expectations or explain half the act, setting up
the bombing run.
Recently I've seen two comedians that introduced themselves. I was
pleasantly stunned. It makes far more sense than trusting someone else
for the set up of the set.
Laughing is not necessarily the most important thing in the world.
Or it is.
Music Association: Three Dog Night - The Show Must Go Om
Hand Washing Is Higher
September 15, 2010
A recent survey observed 85% people washing their hands in restrooms,
up from 77% in 2007. More people washed their hands at the Shedd
Aquarium in Chicago and the Ferry Terminal Farmers Market in San
Francisco, than at similar locations in New York or Atlanta, according
to a survey from the American Society for Microbiology (ASM) and the American Cleaning Institute (ACI).
But are hands being dried correctly?
A study in the Journal of Applied Microbiology compared drying hands and the transfer of bacteria with:
☞ paper towels
☞ traditional hand dryers
☞ high velocity jet hand dryers
The microbiologists concluded that paper towels are most effective at
reducing the transfer of bacteria. High velocity hand dryers that do
not require the rubbing of hands are more effective than traditional
hand dryers. The study was funded by Dyson Ltd., makers of the Dyson Airblade
hand dryer; the type that you stick your hands down into the dryer
while being careful not to touch the sides of the dryer while your
hands are being blown around at 400 mph... that type.
Music Association: Kelly Clarkson - Just Wash Away
- Idiot -
September 14, 2010
I'm not the world's biggest idiot only because I'm not that competitive.
I trained my cats to think outside the cat box, so to speak. I thought
training cats was a good idea. So what I have are bright creatures with
all the attitudes and stubbornness of cats.
The Corn Board on the other hand wants to rename high fructose corn syrup to corn sugar, you know, to make it better without having to actually dust off the chemistry sets.
Music Association: New Seekers - I'd Like To Teach My Cats To Sing; Beatles - Fool On The Hill
Press Pass
September 13, 2010
Dr. Stan sent a message that said that people were pressing his buttons
so many times that the Do Not Press label had worn away, leaving mostly
just a Press.
Music Association: Paul McCartney - Press
Record Numbers Share Vikings Loss
September 10, 2010
Last night's Vikings loss to the Saints (9-14) was watched by 17.7 % of TV viewers
(17.7 share). That's the highest rating for an opening
game of the NFL season. The Vikings played a running game featuring
Adrian Peterson. The Saints played a passing game.
But the game was dominated by the defenses and the offenses' tactics to
manage the other team's defense. The Viking's offense was bottled up
protecting Brett Favre from the Saint's defense. And the Saint's
offense regularly double-covered Viking Jared Allen (defensive end).
At the start of the game, players from each team held up their index
fingers in a gesture of solidarity in the face of the looming lockout,
which was good. Or maybe that was my reaction because it followed the
national anthem.
If you read me or know me, you know I like music... lots of music...
and I have heard many creative-yet-excellent renditions of the national
anthem... but Colbie Caillat's version was... a lot like the game itself. It had to happen, but you didn't have to like it.
Favre was smart. He wore earplugs.
Music Association: U.S. National Anthem
80 Years of Scotch Tape
September 9, 2010
Scotch tape was started 80 years ago yesterday.
Oddly enough, tape is the traditional 80th anniversary present.
The 3M buildings in St. Paul, MN (where the magic started) are being
taken down. With enough tape, the buildings could be put up again, but
that's not going to happen.
1925 - masking tape
1930 - Scotch tape (in a metal tin)
1932 - tape dispenser with cutter
1961 - Scotch Magic tape
Music Association: Bee Gees - How Can You Mend a Broken Heart; Olivia Newton-John - Magic;
Lionel Ritchie - Stuck On You; Huey Lewis - Happy To Be Stuck With You; ...
Soaring Hand
September 9, 2010
You know when you're driving along and you've got a hand out the window
and you're letting it soar through the wind rushing by the car?
It's been a while since I've ridden a horse, and I was wondering if anyone ever did the soaring hand while riding a horse.
I know the physics are completely different:
• the speed of a car vs. the speed of the horse
• the hand out the window vs. the whole body outside
• the horse's sideways glance that says "I'm not a car."
I was watching a Deer Tick video These Old Shoes while working on the Twin Cities Calendar for October 2010
(they will be at the Triple Rock Social Club on October 29th). The
animation for the video included a guy doing the hand soaring and that
just made me wonder.
Music Association: Deer Tick - These Old Shoes (animation by Nick McClintock)
Update: Missed Again
September 8, 2010
Asteroid 2010 RF12 has also missed hitting the Earth.
Astronomical humor: What's the difference between an asteroid and a
meteor?
-- 49,088 miles
Music Association: Phil Collins - Missed Again
REM - End of the World
Near, Miss
September 8, 2010
George Carlin used to point out that a near-miss is a hit, as in: "Wow, that asteroid nearly missed the planet."
This morning's asteroid, 2010 RX30, missed the Earth by 154,000 miles at 4:51am CST. It was near, and it missed. But life gives second chances.
Asteroid 2010 RF12 is expected to miss the Earth by 49,088 miles at 4:12pm CST.
Let's all agree not to make any sudden movements this afternoon. [Details & map]
Music Association: The Carpenters - Close to You;
Cole Porter - Did You Evah "Have you heard? It's in the stars. Next July, we collide with Mars."
Gopher Run-down
September 7, 2010
The Minnesota Gophers have won every game so far this season.
The Gophers (1-0) have a winning season, thanks to Middle Tennessee who decided not to beat them.
The Gophers play their opening home game against South Dakota at noon on September 11th.
Also: have a ball with Google balls today.
Music Association: Minnesota Hats Off To Thee
Good night, Summer
September 6, 2010
It's over. There's no going back. Summer is gone. It went into Labor to-Day.
The Minnesota State Fair ends tonight to
cap off the summer like a well-sealed oil well. It's a great state
fair. The best state fair in the state. And it broke more attendance records this year, even though the glue was just drying on last year's attendance records.
But after a while the Corn Dogs taste just like the Pronto Pups. And
one of the world's largest pumpkins looks like another of the world's
largest pumpkins. And the end-over-end spinning ride is just as
nauseating as the side-to-side spinning ride. So while it was a great
ride, the State Fair must come to an end, and with it goes the summer.
Here comes winter's pre-season.
Music Association: Simon & Garfunkel - Minnesota State Fair
Are you going to the Minnesota State Fair?
Pronto Pups and food on a stick
Remember to meet back at the Grandstand
At five thirty or a quarter of six.
I tried to call you from the Sky Ride
I was in the cow printed car
We waved, we yelled
You did not reply
You had something stuck on your shoe
Or you couldn't hear because of KQ92.
Instant Water -- Just Add Water
September 3, 2010
The Discovery and History Channels get funny when they wonder where the
Earth's water originated. They make goofy guesses like it came from
comets... tons and tons of comets... or from Mars (OK then, how
did Mars get water?). Air was from Venus and water was from
Mars.
The spontaneous combustion people usually step in with theories of spontaneous hydration, quoting the Tin Man: "Suddenly, it started to rain..."
Instant water franchises are available.
But really it's all about the sun.
Sunlight -- starlight -- does more than burn hydrogen into helium
(which keeps the sun light enough to remain high in the sky all day
long). Starlight also breaks up the molecules of carbon monoxide and
silicon monoxide to release oxygen which (burns and) fuses with
hydrogen to form water.
The hot water falls to Earth, specifically New Orleans, which explains
why it's always so steamy in New Orleans and why New Orleans is always
in hot water.
At least part of that description comes from Leen Decin
of Belgium's Katholieke Universiteit Leuven who noticed how the water
vapor around the old star IRC+10216 kept steaming up her telescope
lenses.
Music Association: Madonna - Lucky Star
Conan Names Show Conan
September 2, 2010
Today is 90210 day, you know 9-02-10. So it's only fitting that I pass on some TV news. Conan has named his new show Conan. It begins November 8th on TBS, which sounds like CBS when he says it. I think he's been having that dream where he thinks it's 1993 and he's David Letterman. I have that dream all the time. And when Conan writes the name, it's Conaw, which could be confusing if his show is Conaw and others on a real network name their show Conan.
Music Association: Genesis - Turn It On Again "All I need is a TV show... that and the radio."
Retail
Blur
HD Clothes
August 30, 2010
With Walmart and Target stores expanding their grocery
and electronics sections, Best Buy plans to carry High Definition
Clothes. High Definition Clothes look just like regular clothes but
with greater detail. HD Clothes will retail for $79.99 with the
required HD belts and accessories kit selling for $249.99. Extended
warranties will be available. The extended warranties do not cover
changes in fashion, or wear and tear due to running HD Clothes through
a standard washing machine or wearing HD Clothes near water or in
sunlight.
Music Association: Billie
Holiday - Love For Sale
Universal Truth Number 1
August 27, 2010
Talking with Dr. Stan, he was pressing me for clues to achieving zen
calm.
My first response was about the ease. When doing anything complex, it
becomes easier with experience. I compared it to meeting with a patient
for the first time. It might be easy for him now, but it wasn't easy
when he first started. Dr. Stan said that it was difficult. There was
fear of failure and fear of not being able to help the patient or
connect or be respected.
I asked what his worst fear was, the worst case scenario. He said it
was being told he shouldn't be a psychiatrist.
I asked, "They didn't say that did they?"
"No."
"Nor did it happen the second time nor the third --"
"It never happened."
I said, "And part of that is because they aren't thinking about you.
You aren't being analyzed; they are. They are thinking about
themselves. And this is a universal truth -- people aren't thinking
about you. They are thinking about themselves."
"I know--"
"They are thinking that their problems are so weird and bizarre that
not only will they never get help, but they will have new psychoses
named after them. They are thinking about their solitary life, even
in a crowd. It's either universal truth number one or it's universal
truth number two."
He asked how this relates to my behavior at the airport saying, "You
were relaxed. You smiled! I saw you smile! In an airport!"
I said, "When people make discoveries, usually they aren't thinking
about how hungry or tired they are. They aren't thinking about their
own world. They aren't thinking about themselves. Most physical
discomforts are only temporary; they will go away and aren't worth
thinking about." He interjected a comment about my being young. I
continued, "Being tired or hungry will also go way. Like other forms of
meditation, the needs of the body are let go."
"You weren't meditating..." he replied.
"Actually I was. I just wasn't showing any sign of it. Outward visible
signs of meditation, sitting a certain way... palms together...
chanting... staring up or staring down... bowing the head... are
unnecessary conventions... advertisements of what you are doing. They
are ways of saying, 'Follow me.' Well, I'm not looking for followers.
I'm just -- and this is the weird part -- I'm just taking advantage of
a wait. I am pleasantly surprised at being able to wait. Because I can
meditate.
"Once I realize I can meditate I try to find an out-of-the-way spot.
The waiting area may be an empty room, but that would be me at the
back. I can sit. I can stand. Sitting is better, but it works either
way. Then I let everything go. And I start to think in
abstracts.
Or I don't think at all."
Dr. Stan asked, "Wait. You let everything go. How did you let
everything go?"
"I dunno. Practice. Early on, I would dismiss thoughts and feelings one
at a time. Later, I dismissed them in like groups. Now it's like a
simple light switch. At first it was tough and zen it's easy."
Music Association: Fine Young
Cannibals - Drives Me Crazy
The Cost
of Attention
August 26, 2010
Dr. Stan found out what my stats are like, that people are reading
this, and wants clarifications. He says that psychiatry involves
listening and applying a structure of knowledge and background
information to what is heard. While listening, he can keep his mind
clear by jotting notes on his phone and sometimes checking the news,
weather, and sports scores. He said other things, but I wasn't paying
attention.
I was sketching on watercolor paper. I'll have to write a note on the
cover of the tablet -- Never Sketch on Watercolor Paper. Sketching is
fine. Erasing is like painting with gray.
This is for the airport terminal painting. One of my sketches has
sunlight glimmering off a landing plane in the distance. The plane is
too big for the perspective. In the foreground is a large
vertical screen of a talking skeleton holding a briefcase.
Behind
the screen is a figure laying on a conveyor belt, holding a briefcase,
and about to enter a tube. The tube forms a halo about the head of the
figure.
I couldn't decide if the painting would be realistic or futuristic. I
decided on futuristic, because if I
wanted realistic, I could just snap a picture.
I figured that people would like to hold onto their
stuff and keep their shoes on, so the natural next step in airport
security is to put people on conveyor belts with shoes on and luggage
in hand. Plus when people recognize the facial recognition fraud, the
next plot will involve reading anger through the use of an fMRI. Of
course the fMRI will make people pretty angry, so there will be the
usual false positives. False
positives is a Carlinism for mistakes, just as near miss
is a Carlinism for a hit.
Dr. Stan thanked me for listening.
Music Association: Van
Halen - Jump "I get up, and nothing gets me down."
I'm Thinking About Doing Some Painting
August 25, 2010
What should I paint?
I'm thinking about doing a painting of an airport terminal frozen in a
snapshot of time.
Dr. Stan and I met at the airport a while back and have stayed in touch
ever since, finding ways to help each other from time to time. That
airport experience was one where I used zen calm. At first I was
running a mental tally of -- Hang on while I give you an
overview. This should help you to understand what I want to paint.
Airports might seem to be the most advanced form of torture yet
devised. But that implies a concerted effort to make travelers
uncomfortable. Airport workers are not trying to make travelers any
more uncomfortable than the workers themselves already are. And the
travelers are aware of what is happening to others around them
wondering if the same thing will happen to them. Group anxiety occurs
at airports on a higher level than lion cubs surrounded by
hyenas.
Antiperspirant scientists have shuttered their labs and have received
security clearances to interview and experiment on air travelers as
they see fit.
So I was keeping a mental tally of discomforts, while someone in a lab
jacket with a Secret
logo on it probed the armpit of a frequent flyer, and I was trying not
to look at other travelers. I figure there is enough privacy invasions
without my looking around. But then people's complaints got really loud
as if to say, "Why won't anyone pay attention to me?!?"
My mental tally ran out of room or something, and I started looking
around and sharing my calm perseverance. And after noticing about
eleven people, there was Dr. Stan, displaying the same calm look as
I had. He later told me that he was absorbing my calm. I never asked
him if all psychiatrists do that; I figure some do and some don't.
After a few hours of flight delays, he and I started talking. I
explained that my calm wasn't detachment exactly, that I had compassion
for the other travelers, the airport workers, and the antiperspirant
researchers.
He asked me what medications were involved because it didn't seem to be
wearing off. I said no medications, and he said, "If you could bottle
it, you'd make a fortune."
I explained that some people can fall asleep quickly, others can get
angry quickly, and I find my zen-like calm quickly. For me, it's as
easy as turning on a mental TV that babysits my mind.
After that discussion I changed the subject and asked him, "Dr.
Stan, were Pakistan and Afghanistan named after you?" He agreed and has
been telling people that ever since.
Music Association: Frank Sinatra
- Fly Me To The Moon
Silly Ol' Bears
Jar Head Bears
August 20, 2010
Commercial kitchens are leaving big plastic jars around, the kind that
had mayonnaise or pickles in them. And bears are getting stuck and
wandering around with the plastic jars on their heads -- unable to eat
or drink and breathing air with reduced oxygen.
It just happened in central Florida near Weirsdale and in
northwestern Ontario on Lambert
Island near Thunder Bay. It also happened in 2008 in Frazee, Minnesota
just southeast of Detroit Lakes. From there the stories diverge.
In Florida, a bear cub was saved 10 days after it was first spotted
with the plastic jar on its head. Mike Orlando, yes that's his real
name, tranquilized the mother bear, scared the three little bears,
wrestled with the jarhead cub... here's Mike Orlando telling
the story. The end result was that the family of four bears
were released after an overnight of observation. Miami
Herald
In Ontario, the bear was seen with the jar on it and then the jar was
found with bear fur but no bear. Two weeks before the bear was spotted
on Lambert Island it was seen in a dump in Hurkett, Ontario, 30
miles away. The bear got around. Here's the
speculation:
* The bear was in a terrible pickle.
* The
bear used the jar as an underwater breathing apparatus to fish in
Thunder Bay. (Jarhead is a slang term for Marines.)
* Bare
in mind that the bear would have trouble getting his bearings as the
jar would have distorted his vision.
* The bear was
doing an imitation of Winnie The Pooh.
* He
was practicing to be the First Bear in Space.
* This is precisely
why I only buy bear-safe pickle jars.
* In
case of emergency, break glass.
* Warning
chimes, "Your head is ajar."
* Yogi
made a boo boo.
* Guess
he was smarter than the average bear.
* It
wasn't stuck; it was a fashion statement.
* One
good sneeze is all it took.
* Must
have been a jarring ordeal.
* Hopefully the
bear recycled the jar and wasn't a litter bear.
* Another grizzly
tale comes to an end. It must have been unbearable.
* This
is barely news.
The Internet is great at speculation. CBC, TB News
with Andrea Kostanowicz
In Minnesota, the bear with the jar on its head was shot, you know,
because it was endangering... well... it could have... um, hit people
firmly with a plastic jar. StarTrib
Music Association: Elvis Presley
- Teddy Bear
Sociology
Gender Differences
August 19, 2010
Snakes. Check. Snails. Check. Puppy dogs tails. Check. And
yet according to the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, the
differences between the genders are not as significant as previously
thought.
I'm glad the Journal of Social and
Personal Relationships was around to let us know.
I'm canceling my subscription.
Did they study the opening of pickle jars as a difference? No.
Did they study the physical differences as illustrated in the
accompanying photo? No. -- One
has glasses; the other wears a hat.
Did they diagram the complexities of gender perceptions of
relationships? No. (That's for the beer companies.)
Did I bother to read their study? No. And the reason I didn't even
speedread their
study was that it did the usual simple study of a captive
audience that is in no way representative of any wider population.
Music Association: Percy Sledge - When a Man Loves a Woman
August 18, 2010
Bret
Favre arrived just yesterday
he came to town in the usual way
a private jet and an SUV
that's really all anyone has to say
The news has been talking
as if it's unknown
Will he return to play ball? Yes.
You know he's gonna still play ball
He's not too old
He had ankle surgery
They wrapped it up
in purple and gold |
Bret can't retire
He still has to throw
and hand the ball off
maybe even put up a block
The news has been talking
as if it's unknown
Will he return to play ball? Yes.
You know he's gonna still play ball
Bret, you know you're gonna still play ball |
Music Association (to the tune
of): Harry Chapin - Cat's In The Cradle
Life Assurance
August 17, 2010
Driving back into town, I'm forced to observe all the roadside
memorials -- shrines to fallen Minnesotans. They make me think of
insurance. Not the financial type... maybe it's not even insurance...
it's assurance. There should be life assurance. For the woman that
jumped off the bridge over Interstate 94, there should have been some
life assurance... some sort of assurance that everything will be okay.
Insurance companies think they do that, Dr. Stan tells me, but they
don't. Insurance companies are the arch enemies of Dr. Stan. He's said
so. He asks me why, for insurance purposes, the replacement cost of a
car is its value, but for a house it's the cost of rebuilding.
"If a disaster hits, am I really going to want to build a new house?"
he asks. "Wouldn't it be better to just buy an existing house? I
wouldn't have them build a new car from scratch."
I mentioned to him that with a house, the land is part of the cost. You
always have the land.
"Right. And whatever part of the house is left."
I know better than to agree with him when he gets into this sort of
tirade, but I agree.
"That's where the trouble begins. There's a house in my neighborhood
that I looked at before I bought this one. Really nice. Looked brand
new. Even their furniture looked new. But something didn't look quite
right."
Deciding to play along, I guessed, "There was no land. No yard. It was
in a big hole."
"No. No, but the whole deal wasn't on the level. It was tilted. It was
a fun house."
I replied, "You should have bought it. You need more fun in your life."
"I went down to the basement. It was ridiculous. It was about four feet
tall. I could hardly get in there. You
would've been way too tall. There had been a fire. The whole house
burnt down. But the insurance company figured that enough of the
basement survived, so they built over the existing basement, even
though it wasn't all there and what was there was not structurally
sound enough to hold the weight of the rebuilt house. Put that onto
your website and post it."
Music Association: 38 Special -
Caught Up In You
Excellent
Weekend For Camping
August 13, 2010
Okay, so today is Friday the 13th. Who cares? Are you superstitious?
Neither am I. There have barely been enough good camping weekends this
summer, what with fixed jet streams drying up Russia and flooding China
and Pakistan and alternating between baking and boiling Minnesota. It's
been unbearable.
It's time to pitch the tent.
I don't mean get rid of it. I mean it's time to set it up. And what
better setting than the National Parks, which happen to be free this
weekend. Free to set up camp. Free to build a fire. Free to count the
stars. Free to be at peace with nature. It's great to be free!
Music Association: The Troggs -
Wild Thing
Do Bad Dreams Go To [H-E-double pine trees]?
August 12, 2010
Apparently I'm an unpaid consultant for Dr. Stan. He calls
me
because I'm the only person he knows that has a longer attention span
than he has. He wonders out loud how I can be so calm, patient, and
focused. I've tried to tell him about zen, but he shuts me up by asking
me point blank, "What is zen?" I can never answer him. He stops any
metaphors I start by saying, "A zen master would know how to explain
zen." I disagree,
but he's already rubber stamped me -- Zen Wannabe -- and moved on to
his usual unload.
One of his patients podcasts sessions to Dr. Stan's iPhone. The patient
described a dream about crawling in a hot cave that reeked of
industrial cleaning fluids. A red five-foot scorpion crawled ahead,
whipping its red snake-like tail behind. At the end of the tail was a
double-headed ax. The ax would hit a person clinging to a stalactite,
chopping them and the stalactite down. The open remains of the
stalactite spat out flames. The floor of the cave was littered with
bones, bodies, scorpion droppings, and those "Do Not Remove" warning
tags. Whenever the scorpion swung its tail, everyone crawling behind it
would stop and duck.
One time, the scorpion swung its tail and missed a guy clinging to a
stalactite. Again and again the tail swung. The guy was bending the
stalactite to avoid the tail. The scorpion turned to face him. The
scorpion had a heavy bald head resting on a stack of chins. The
scorpion talked in phrases that made no sense but were devastating to
the guy on the stalactite. He aged, turned to dust, and showered down
as ashes all over.
Now the really weird part of all of this was that while people are
being cut down and fire was shooting out
from broken stalactites, two of the scorpion's legs were carrying a
handheld device and typing e-mails he never sent.
And the patient wanted a brief explanation of what his dream meant.
Music Association: Molly Hatchet
- Dreams I'll Never See
What Is The Price of Free?
August 11, 2010
The New York Times has a story
and a graphic
explaining how oil came from microorganisms living in the sea. News
stories like that are non-events, but like the oil, it still came from
somewhere.
Who would gain from emphasizing the connection between oil and sea-life?
Everything has its price, whether it's free oil (inside every specially
marked package of Gulf seafood!) or free ice cream. Yes, you too can
get free
ice cream
at Baskin Robbins in Australia, thanks to Katy Perry. So if you want to
fly out to Sydney or Melbourne, the ice cream is on Katy.
Most
people will not rush to get free crude (either with seafood or straight
from the Gulf) or free ice cream. Much closer to home, most people
didn't vote in yesterday's Minnesota primary. Of the 3.8 million
registered voters in Minnesota, about 235,000 voters or 6.18%
voted. I've been asked to wonder how many people would vote by
phone if there was a way to prevent voting fraud.
Dr. Stan has been pressuring me to advocate voting by phone, saying I
reach many more people than he does. He uses his phone to take notes
during his sessions. He uses it to check his e-mails during his
sessions, as well as checking the weather report, scheduling tee times
or
tea times -- he didn't specify, and ordering groceries. He would've
voted
by phone if he had an app for that.
Music Association: Lynyrd
Skynyrd - Free Bird
8 -
9 - 10
August 9, 2010
It's hot in the Twin Cities with forecasts predicting 90
degree
temperatures every day this week. But it's been hotter. The record
temperature for the Twin Cities was
108°
back in the record setting summer of 1936. Elsewhere the record setting
hot is right now.
It's been record setting hot in
Moscow,
which reached 102°, and where smoke from wildfires has doubled
the
average number of deaths each day to
700. Here's
the
Russian
smoke and heat statistics.
In northwest
Greenland,
a giant ice island, four-times the size of Manhattan, broke off from
the Petermann Glacier on August 5, 2010, and headed for an enormous ice
tea glass.
national
hottest records
117.7°
was Chad's
hottest national temperature in history on Tuesday,
June 22, 2010
108°
was Columbia's
hottest national temperature in history on Sunday, January
24, 2010
125.6° was Iraq's
hottest national temperature in history on Wednesday,
June 14, 2010 (let's get our soldiers home)
126.7° was Kuwait's
hottest national temperature in history on Tuesday,
June 15, 2010
116.6° was Myanmar
(Burma)'s hottest national
temperature in history on Wednesday, May
12, 2010
128.3° was Pakistan's
hottest national temperature in history on Wednesday,
May 26, 2010 (possibly 129°
on June 1st)
122.7° was Qatar's
hottest national temperature in history on Wednesday, July
14, 2010
111.2° was Russia's hottest
national temperature in history on Sunday, July 11, 2010
125.6° was Saudi
Arabia's hottest national temperature in
history on Tuesday,
June 22, 2010
121.3° was Sudan's hottest national
temperature in history on Friday, June 25, 2010 [source]
Monsoon floods in Pakistan, mudslides in China, the floods in Tennessee
-- just adding water doesn't help the heat.
Dr. Stan says that global warming is an analogy for a desire to return
to
the womb. He also believes that I misrepresented him in my prior post.
I asked him if I misquoted him. He said no, but it was as if he wasn't
responding to anything I was saying. I agreed, he wasn't, but I wasn't
responding to anything he was saying either. So we're even.
Both
Afghanistan and Pakistan were named after Dr. Stan.
Dr. Stan is a member of the group -- Suntanners Against
Solar Energy.
Music
Associations: The Beatles - Here, There, and Everywhere; Kool and the
Gang - Too Hot; The Lovin' Spoonful - Summer In The City; Martha Reeves
& The Vandellas - Heat Wave
Whether Map
August 5, 2010
I got a text message yesterday morning from a doctor friend who wanted
to discuss the Music Coma
story from a few days ago. I counter-asked if depressions occur more in
the tropics.
Dr. Stan asked, "Like a tropical depression?"
I said, "Exactly."
He said, "I would like you to expand on the whole
need-interest-enjoyment IQ enrichment discussion."
I said, "Maybe all depressions start in the Sahara."
He said, "I question the IQ as a gauge of development over instilling
values and morals."
I said, "Because when they show the mid-Atlantic weather rolling off
Africa, it's completely Saharan."
He said, "After the basic needs are met, the child needs to grasp
social interactions and values more than complex problem solving.
Otherwise what is the point to making a child more intelligent than the
parent?"
I said, "If I lived in the Sahara, I'd probably be depressed."
He said, "I'm not trying to discredit early introductions to music or
art, but I'd rather see a focus on sociological values in a child's
cognitive structure."
I said, "Michael Palin's Sahara didn't seem at all depressing the first
time I watched it on TV or on the DVD. Then I watched all the DVD
extras, you know... the best
stuff,
the best scenes that they delete from movies and shows and all the
behind-the-scenes explanations... and I found out that Palin was sick
for several days at the beginning
of the Sahara trip. It was a testament to his strength of character
that he didn't let his own situation impact the show."
He said, "Of course, there is no push button solution for a parent
trying to instill values in a child. It's not like slapping in Mozart.
It's not that easy."
I said, "What's weird about the Sahara is that there are huge
underground aquifers underneath the sand, with oases as the only
surface sign of what lies underneath. Maybe that's a metaphor."
His last message, this morning, said, "I wondered whether there would
be value to a discussion of values in your posts."
I said, "I'll post this discussion."
Music Association: Kansas - Dust
in the Wind
Blackberry
Seeds
August 4, 2010
Blackberry seeds gettin' stuck in my teeth
I can't get them out with my tongue
or my fingernails
I can't think of anything else until I get them out
Blackberry seeds
Blackberry seeds
Really stuck in between my teeth
Blackberry seeds are stuck in my teeth
Raspberry seeds don't get stuck so much
as these seeds
These blackberry seeds are a real pain
Blackberry seeds
Blackberry seeds
Damn this Yoplait yogurt anyway
Blackberry seeds stuck in my teeth
Got so stuck I can't even floss
there isn't room
Maybe BP should use these things to cap the well
Cap the well
Cap the well
BP should use these to cap the well
Music Association (to the tune
of): The Beatles - Blackbird
Favre
Retires 3rd Time?
Vikings Coach Hasn't
Heard Anything
August 3, 2010
According to rumors, Bret Favre is retiring from football again.
However Vikings Coach Childress hasn't heard anything
and isn't pressuring
Favre
for a decision. [
video]
Music Association: Honeydogs -
Rumor Has It
Make Your Own Glass
August 3, 2010
When so many people are making movies and getting injured, it's time to
shatter one of the myths of movie making: that's not really glass that
they're breaking.
A man in a fight
carefully, very-carefully picks up a
bottle and then smashes it over someone's head. The bottle is made
of candy glass. The stunt is just as much picking up the bottle without
breaking it as it is breaking the bottle over someone's head. Often the
scene will be cut so that the bottle being picked up is real, but the
bottle that breaks is fake.
Alfonso's Breakaway Glass in Sun Valley, California sells a candy glass
beer
bottle for $18 plus shipping. They also have those expensive
Ming vases (paint not included) that always seem to get
knocked over.
If breaking one bottle or one glass window is funny, then breaking many
must be hilarious!
So that you don't spend your entire YouTube production budget on the
fine breakables here's how to make a candy
glass bottle or a glass
window,
saving money for hiring a stunt crew. The ingredients are water, sugar,
corn syrup, cooking spray, and cream of tartar (which is with the
spices, not the cream or the tartar sauce). Get ready to make a mess.
In the world of unbreakable glass, Corning came up with Gorilla
Glass in 1962, but only now is it being tapped on,
so to speak, for indestructible HDTVs, monitors, and handhelds. Critics
are quick to point out that the shelf life for these devices are
shorter than the life of a beer bottle in a movie bar fight. A better
solution would be to make those devices out of candy glass.
I gotta go; my PDA is biodegrading.
Music Association: Blondie -
Heart of Glass
Music
Brings Girl Out Of Coma
and Other Music News
August 2, 2010
Six year old Radhika was in a coma at India's
Thiruvananthapuram
Medical College Hospital. The doctors couldn't figure out how to bring
her out of her coma, until Dr. Girija Mohan tried music therapy --
playing her favorite song and similar music on a bedside speaker. Her
first words were, "Could
we please listen to something else?"
Those weren't actually her first words, or at least I
don't know what she said when she woke up, but this is another
success
for music
therapy.
I attended a lecture about the benefits of music therapy several years
ago. As with most things, I think success depends upon the individual
and their connection to music.
Selecting the correct music is also important. Classical music is not -
I repeat -
not a one-size fits all solution. Many parents played classical music
to their babies due to the alleged Mozart
Effect, that would increase IQ as a result of playing
classical music. And yet there is no
proof to that theory. Providing mental challenges and
interesting environments of any design might
increase anyone's IQ, provided there is some combination of
need-interest-enjoyment. Or
the music could be a distraction, like background
music when someone is trying to study.
Music Association: Steeley Dan -
Reelin' In The Years
"You've been telling me you're a genius since you were 17. In all the
time I've known you, I still don't know what you mean."
Music Association: Louis Armstrong - Wonderful World
"I hear babies cry. I watch them grow. They'll learn much more, than
I'll ever know."
Naïve
July 29, 2010
Have you ever noticed as you're walking on a beach how the sand
squeaks? I have. And if I swivel my foot as I take a step, the sand
squeaks even more. It's not an unpleasant squeak... at least not to me.
Maybe some people find the squeaky sand annoying. They think that
others are annoyed too. They decide to do something about it. And how
do you fix a squeak? That's right, with a little oil. But what if that
little squeak runs around the Gulf of Mexico?
I think that's what happened. It will all come out in court. One of the
defendants from BP or Transocean or Cameron or Halliburton will say,
"Your honor, if I could make a statement?" And in the finest tradition
of legal television, the judge will allow the following statement, "I
was walking along the beach one day, pondering how to be a 21st century
hero, and even though the wind was calm and the waves were quiet, an
annoying squeak was following me. Everyone enjoying the beach, all the
people and the shore birds and the sea turtles, all stopped what they
were doing to stare at me, as if to say, 'Cut it out Mister Squeaky.' I
decided right then and there that I would oil all the beaches of the
Gulf of Mexico. And that's what I did."
Some people think the worst of people. I don't. I expect the best from
people. I don't think I'm being naïve. I think I'm being
optimistic. Maybe some people just don't like squeaky sand. And maybe
they want to be heroes.
Music Association: Five For
Fighting - Superman "It may sound absurd, but don’t
be naïve..."
Getting
Dark
Gulf of Mexico: Half Full or Half Empty?
July 28, 2010
Concerns that Too
Big To Fail
might become a business school strategy are being washed aside as BP
seeks to sell off Risk Board sized assets like Indonesia and Africa.
BP
will be selling $30
billion in assets
over the next 18 months, and more than just assets, as their
liabilities for safety issues at other rigs and production
facilities will be sold off as well. Buyer beware. This is Day 100.
Here are the numbers so far:
3
million to 5.2 million barrels of oil discharged into the
Gulf (Exxon Valdez spilled 750,000 barrels)
11
workers killed on Deepwater Horizon on April 20, 2010
638
miles of oily Gulf Coast (362 in Louisiana, 109 in
Mississippi, 70 in Alabama, and 97 miles in Florida)
$9.9
billion US tax loss to offset BP costs
$930,000
annual pension for Tony "I'd like my life back" Hayward
starting Oct. 1, 2010
40
percent of BP's market value has been lost since the disaster
50
percent of the market value of Transocean Ltd (owner of
Deepwater Horizon) has been lost since the disaster
18
percent of the market value of Cameron
International (manufactured the blow-out preventer)
14
percent of the market value of Halliburton (production casing
contractor) (lost 40% of its value but has since recovered)
3
government agencies from the old Minerals Management
Service (why does the US govt. get larger after each disaster?)
42,000
oil wells have been drilled in the Gulf of Mexico
Music Association: The Kooks -
Naïve "I may say it was your fault, because I know
you could have done more."
Keep
It Light
A Light Rail Named Desire
July 27, 2010
The original light rail named Desire ran down Bourbon Street to Desire
to Canal Street in New Orleans from 1920 to 1948. There were
plans
to reintroduce the Desire Line
to New Orleans, but Hurricane Katrina derailed those plans.
A Streetcar Named Desire is playing at the Guthrie
Theater (July 3-August 29) with Gretchen
Egolf as Blanche DuBois, Ricardo Antonio
Chavira as Stanley Kowalski, and Stacia Rice as Stella Kowalski. [Twin Cities Calendar
for July 2010]
Stella: "Don't you think your superior
attitude is a
little
out of place?"
Stanley: "Hey Stelllllllllllaaaaaaa!!!"
Music Association: Varsouviana
Polka
Keep
It Light
Central
Corridor Light Rail
July 26, 2010
"I'm
walking
on University Avenue and... I know they say this won't happen... but
two light rail trains side-by-side are coming right at me. I've got
nowhere to go. There is no room between the buildings on either side of
University Avenue except for these two trains that are coming for me.
There's nowhere to run to... there's nowhere to hide!"
Sound familiar?
Hundreds of people believe the Central
Corridor
will look like the picture on the right, and that's just not so.
University Avenue is plenty wide, wide enough to handle cars,
trains, foot-traffic, and maybe even a small runway for business class
and commuter planes.
"We're handling the trains first. Planes are in a holding pattern," one
Central Corridor planner was misunderstood to have said.
And yet while originally the Central
Corridor
planners said that there would be plenty of room on University Avenue
for nearly all its current parking spots, pedestrian crossings, and 16A
buses, all that has changed.
The Central Corridor people have updated their response to questions
about the congestion by saying, "Two trains leave the Twin Cities, one
from Minneapolis and one from St. Paul. At what point during the eleven
mile trip between will they get stuck between all the businesses and
the cars and the 16A buses and everything else?" I said I
didn't
know. They said, "Take your time. We'll send you a map to help you
figure it out."
Here's the map
that they sent.
Some of the cool new things on the drawing board are a Wonderland
Park, T.C.R.T. Shops at University and Snelling, some Base
Ball
Parks, and two alternate routes between the Twin Cities. The southern
route will run along Lake Street in Minneapolis and use Marshall and
Selby in St. Paul. The northern route will use Como Avenue and the
Central Avenue bridge, not to be confused with the Central Corridor
which will not use the Central bridge but will instead use the
Washington Avenue bridge. Start seeing construction.
Music Association:
Duke Ellington - Take The A Train
July
23, 2010
A recent WSJ
story, "Is the economy a deer in headlights or roadkill?"
proves
that economists still have jobs despite their tendency to be wrong.
Most economists shouldn't be trusted to toss a salad. The economy is
far more complex than can be understood by a few simple indicators like
employment rates.
Some states and some employment sectors are doing great. Some aren't.
We're clearly in a recovery, but it is equally clear that the recovery
is moving slowly. Warren
Buffet recently told President Obama that the economy is back
40 to 50 percent.
A rosy picture? Don't make Einstein
laugh. The economy has a long way to go.
On the bright side, some people, like the listy people at Business
Week, think we will help lead the recovery, listing Minneapolis as number
6 in their best cities for new college grads. And CNN-Money
lists Eden Prairie as the number
1 place to live. We'll see what we can do.
My
Recipe
The
recovery is not going to come from:
1. Economic stimulus money
2. Unemployment benefit extensions
3. Capital gains tax reductions
4. Large corporations |
Of
those four potential sources of the recovery, only the
economic stimulus money would have a chance, but that would require
the money to be used for long term, necessary public projects that
could fuel business, such as new heat
pumps, improvements to the power grid (especially for the NE
U.S.), improved solar
cells, and (gasp)
new nuclear
power plants.
|
The recovery depends on:
1. Small businesses & their bank loans
Music Association: Journey -
Lights
China,
Must You Be So Competitive?!?
July 22, 2010
We use energy
You use energy
We have coal
fired power plant pollution
You have coal fired power
plant pollution
You have an oil
spill
Some competitions aren't worth winning.
Music Association: Crystal Gayle - Don't It Make My Yellow Sea Black
Every
Picture is a Metaphor
July 20, 2010
It's a metaphor, I proclaim
that's what we learn
life is a game
now it's your turn.
Music Association: Joe Walsh -
Life's Been Good
Fun
Sociological Experiment
July 16, 2010
Society was meant to be teased, or at least the good people at the Gas Lite
karaoke bar in Santa Monica, CA were meant to be teased. Recently a
group from a frozen foods convention went to the Gas Lite to slaughter
some songs.
Then they tried to get Karen on stage. She
only sings at Christmas parties.
Karen took a lot of convincing. Karen was too shy for karaoke. But once
she started singing "Who Will Save Your Soul," she was good, maybe even
better than Jewel.
Click on the picture to judge Karen's singing, through the Funny
Or Die video.
Music Association: Karen -
Foolish Games
Think
Winter
July 14, 2010
If you live somewhere other than Minnesota, Siberia, Canada,
or Greenland
this message has nothing to do with you. Please go read a book.
Cold
Climate Friends in California
Cut my winter heating bills in half? Are you kidding me?!? Researchers
at Purdue are developing
a heat pump
that is efficient in cold climates like Minnesota. They specifically
reference "Minneapolis." The study is being funded by the California
Energy Commission, which is very
decent of them. Apparently California has solved all their problems and
is working on ours. Awfully
decent of them (voiced by Groucho as Rufus T.
Firefly).
Geo-thermal technology has been around for a long time. At its core is
the heat pump, which can't always handle our climate (like many other
technologies, people, and animals). The new type of heat pump
will be
cheaper
to operate due to a combination of the application of the Ericsson
cycle and a rotating instead of a piston-driven compressor.
The findings are being presented at the International Refrigeration and
Air Conditioning Conference, the International Compressor
Engineering Conference, and the International High Performance
Buildings Conference, all being held simultaneously
at Purdue.
Technology
That Reinvents Flooring
Meanwhile, a Michigan
designer has created a flooring
that transfers human activity into energy.
Yes, we call that shag carpeting.
Music Association: Huey Lewis
& the News - Power of Love
Yes, but it's a wet heat...
July 8, 2010
The air is so thick you could cut it with a knife, serve it on a plate,
and eat it with a spoon while making slurping noises. And if that's
what it's like in Minnesota, the rest of the country must really suck.
The local outdoor-patio restaurants give you a chilled glass and a
straw. The air fills it up some percentage based not on your optimism
but on the relative humidity. Relative
humidity
has less to do with family than it has to do with the ratio of the
amount of water in the air at a given temperature over the maximum
amount it could hold at that temperature, expressed as a percentage.
This here weather map shows this morning's relative humidities across
the U.S. of A. It may be 88% humidity in the Twin Cities but look at
all those 94s across the plains and scattered from Maine to Florida.
Then you have the dry desert southwest with its 29% humidity and I'll
pass, thanks. But... the Carolinas have a patch of dry air.
Where did that come from?!? Why don't they want the same wet heat that
is filling the cups of the rest of the non-desert dwelling country?!?
Are they Raleigh that dry?!?
Music Association: Eddie Money -
Give Me Some Water & Aliens - Drip Drip
Drip
Funny...
July 7, 2010
It's
A Mad Mad Mad Mad World
is funny like Robin Williams is funny -- occasionally. The funny
moments require patience and attention, and despite the attention, you
wonder about the casting choices. Were these the first choices? Not
exactly...
Choices
The first choice for the roles of Melville and Monica Crump were Judy
Garland and Mickey Rooney, but Judy Garland had production problems
with her variety show, so she had to bow out, leaving Mickey Rooney
still available. Rooney was recast as Buddy Hackett's partner. The
roles of the Crumps then went to Ernie Kovacs and his wife Edie
Adams. But Kovacs died in a car crash before shooting began. Edie Adams
stayed in the role of Monica Crump and Sid Caesar took the role of
Melville Crump. Judy Holliday was cast and was in the initial
promotions for the film, but had to bow out due to her battle with
cancer. Stan Laurel was contacted, but he swore to never act again
after the death of Oliver Hardy. Groucho Marx reportedly wanted more
money. Jerry Lewis should have wanted more money than the $500 for his
cameo that he lost in a craps game run by Phil Silvers. Jackie Mason
was cast as one of the gas station attendants, but he couldn't get free
from his Las Vegas casino schedule. Bob Hope, George Burns, and Red
Skelton each turned down roles.
Stanley Kramer, the director and producer of Mad Mad Mad
Mad World,
had been entangled in the red scare of the 1950s and had forced his
business partner Carl Foreman out of business. His history with
McCarthyism may have affected his reputation and who he could
get
for his movie. He apparently did not contact Lucille Ball,
Charlie
Chaplin, Mel Blanc, or Mike Nichols and Elaine May (the plot).
Don Rickles wanted to be in the movie but was never asked and would
heckle Kramer about it whenever Kramer would see Rickles perform. These
are the sorts of things I think about when watching Mad Mad Mad
Mad World...
except for certain scenes.
Worth
Seeing
When Jimmy Durante kicks the bucket, that's classic. I have to watch
every bounce of the bucket.
The meeting of Jonathan Winters and Phil Silvers is great. In the
desert, Silvers says, "Kid, move the bicycle, someone's liable
to
trip over it in the dark." Jonathan Winters pitches the bike into a
bush and Silvers drives off.
Jonathan Winters tearing up the gas station while fighting
Arnold Stang and Marvin Kaplan is worth seeing.
The cameos by Jerry Lewis, Jack Benny and his Maxwell, Jim Backus, and
the Three Stooges are classic.
Sign
of the Times
On November 17, 1963, the day before Mad Mad Mad
Mad World
opened in New York, the Cinerama Theater for the
Kennedy
Child Study Center held a charity gala premiere. In addition
to
the stars in attendance, most of President Kennedy's family was there,
including Robert Kennedy and Ted Kennedy. On
November 22nd, President Kennedy was
assassinated. Most people saw the movie after the
assassination.
Music Association: Beatles -
Drive My Car & Stephen Sondheim - Comedy Tonight
The Plight of
the Nature Photographer
June 28, 2010
Hundreds
of the teeniest tiniest toads
hopped hopelessly, helplessly across a local mall parking lot, being
thwarted at every turn by humongous curbs and humongously ginormous
vehicles.
How
could nature photographers
possibly help them? Nature photographers sign a declaration never to
interfere with nature despite nature having already been interfered
with so thoroughly that vowing not to interfere is a complete hypocrisy.
However
about a hundred thirty tiny toadlets were rescued by people (who may or
may not have signed the nature photographer's hypocratic declaration).
The toadlets were taken to several woods and wetlands and released. One
of the toads found a dime and refused to give it back when the real
owner was found. (Those fingers are sticky suckers.) And several of the
toadlets had to be re-rescued from a monstrous cat before being
released.
Hopefully
the exidous of the toads had nothing
to do with predictions of any
earthquakes hitting the Twin Cities.
Music Association: Toad the Wet
Sprocket - Something's Always Wrong
Brought
to you by: the letter H and the number ginormous
Talking Dirty, Talking
Oily
BP
Beach Towel
June 23, 2010
What summer outing would be complete
without your very own BP terry cloth beach towel?!?
It's ready to soak up the sun... and the oil!
It's perfect for today's complex summer outings.
"Jimmy, don't leave our
designated clean area!"
And the BP beach towel is made by BP
so you can assume you'll get a carefully made product.
"Jimmy, do not, I
repeat, do not
light the beach on fire!"
Ask for the Better Parody beach towel at your local gas station or
convenience store.
You'll be glad you did.
Music Association: Sheryl Crow -
Soak Up The Sun
Talking Dirty
The Zen of Gardening
June 21, 2010
I was talking about the zen of gardening recently, about how
many
people garden, but not many take a zen approach to gardening. Sitting
in the garden, in the wind and the sun and the rain, we can be like the
plants are... and the bugs and the other garden varmints.
For some, gardening is about control and impatience and having eight
arms to grab all the weeds and chemicals to kill and chemicals to
fertilize. It's about a war against nature, and it's funny but the
plants end up looking like so much Fallujah rubble.
Bonsai gardening can give off the appearance of zen gardening, but
it is very un-zen. It's too controlling... too conforming.
And while it is easy to say what is not zen -- reading a blog about zen
gardening is so
not zen -- saying what is zen is tougher.
Lay down and notice the flowers are like redwood paintbrushes trying to
color the sky.
Blow off a dandelion puffball without worrying about where the seeds
will fall.
Plant yourself and watch the movements of plants.
Music Association: Beatles -
Octopus's Garden;Blue Oyster Cult - Don't Fear the Reaper;and Beatles - Let It Be
Knowledge Desserts
June 19, 2010
When I was more of a kid than I am today, I used to love dessert. I
would wait for it. I would savor it.
Knowledge and insight can be like dessert for me today, so when I ran
across an article in my speedreading about directing
your dreams, I thought this is great! I've never heard anyone
else talk about this! And I bookmarked it for later savoring.
Talk about the perfect dessert -- half my novel
was about understanding and directing dreams.
Have you ever run into something that people say is dessert, but
your very first bite disagrees with anything they have ever said
before? That's what I tasted when I actually sat down to read the
article
on directing your dreams. It was about day dreaming, not sleep
dreaming. Big difference! It was about the conscious mind, not the
subconscious mind, not about directing dreams while sleeping, but about
directing day dreams.
The concepts are related and some of the concepts have merit on their
own but...
It's like someone took your favorite ten foods, mashed them, baked
them, and called it cake.
Music Association: Donna Summer
- MacArthur Park "Someone left that [hypothetical] cake out
in the rain..."
Talking Dirty
Zen Garden
June 8, 2010
On the days between my posts, I sit and reflect in quiet meditation
while waiting for the next opportunity to share something with you.
Part of my meditation is to mentally picture a zen garden. It is calm.
Serene. Peace. It is simple wonder. .............. ...............
Deciding to drag a rake through the white sand and around the gray
boulders, I try to picture a zen rake...
Instead my mind pictures a Honda Hurricane Plus leaf blower, which
loudly whips up the sand in a very un-zen way. I mentally erase the
leaf blower and the sand drops where it wants to be. I try again to
picture a zen rake.
A very simple
wooden rake appears
It drags itself across the zen garden
The lines it creates are neither straight
nor random
nor are they zen crop circles
The lines are a simple pattern
I become part of it
and it becomes part of me
Calm. Serene. At peace.
Until the rake runs into a patch of thick black ooze. What
is
this? Who BP'ed in my zen garden?!? I can't believe this! It's oil.
It's all over the zen sand, the zen rock, and the zen rake. It's on
this zen pelican and that zen turtle. It's all over my clothes. It's
all over my mind.
Music Association: John Lennon -
Mind Games
Oil
- Day 45
June 3, 2010
Can someone turn seawater into a fuel source now?!?
Music Association:
Alkaline Trio - Snake Oil Tanker
Wait.
What?!?
May 25, 2010
I just got off the phone with the third person who's telling me I don't
need a coat for Egypt. That Egypt is not cooler than Minnesota. That
every time I've said it is cooler than Minnesota, they thought I was
meaning hip or sick or hot or something.
What I am being told is that even though Egypt is at the north end of
Africa, just like Canada is at the north end of North America and
Siberia is at the north end of Asia, Egypt isn't cold like Canada or
Siberia.
I'm being told that what looks like a snow cap on the top of the Great
Pyramid is not a snow cap.
I am being told that the white stuff surrounding the pyramids is just
bright sand.
And I am told that the people that are
wrapped
up to protect their skin are not preventing frostbite. They are either
protecting themselves from sand and sun or they are mummies.
Apparently the pyramids were built on the edge of a desert.
The land must have been cheap and available.
I sunburn at night. I can't go to a desert.
Music Association: Jackson
Browne - Stay
Egyptian Packing List
May 24, 2010
Bring
passport & copy
wallet w/ Egyptian pounds
iQad (phone, Egyptian numbers, maps)
paper copies of correspondence
video & digital cameras
uni-charger
dry soap, shaver
tooth brush & paste
biz-khaki clothes
coat & gloves |
Buy
clothes
bean bags
duct tape
lubricant
|
Like I've said, I pack light. Other people feel obligated
to bring anything
they might
need. I don't. One of the things I learned in business school (not
taught at Harvard or Northwestern) was the value of talented people. I
have a crew of very talented people in Egypt, who will be more
valuable than excess luggage.
Music Association: Jackson Brown
- Load Out
Plane to See
May 20, 2010
I don't know too much about Africa. I don't know who was
the
greatest African philosopher. I'm not going to Google "greatest African
philosopher." I don't know the deepest spot in Africa. I'm certain it
will be wherever I'm standing.
I'm not touring Africa. I'm just going to the great pyramid, the
Pyramid of Cheops. And I'll visit Yayat Springs. But otherwise, I'll
just zip into Africa and zip out. It's like Wisconsin.
A friend tried to raise my alert
spectrum to red
by reminding me that I'll be going by plane. Plane
rides
don't faze me. I've studied aeronautics; I understand the forces of
lift, velocity, vortices, and drag. I understand how many planes
are in the air and what they do to weather
and atmospheric conditions. I also understand the odds of plane
crashes. There have been 49 deadly plane crashes in the U.S. since
1982. And yet the chance of being killed on a flight are about 8
million to one. And only about 4% of fatalities occur during descent,
which is fairly decent.
Plane travel is mostly safe. It's not like going to an air show.
Music Association: Lenny Kravitz
- Fly Away
Africa?
May 19, 2010
Africa!
May 18, 2010
Bad Hair Day For Africa
May 17, 2010
It's Bad Hair Day... at least for me. It all started at my
follicles or a follicle or one specific sebum. That sebum, on the
driver's side of my head, lead to a chain reaction of
hairs getting bent out of shape and going
kittywampus, due (in part) to
either spending time outside in the wind yesterday or due to a
sleepless night last night kittywampusing.
Why the chain reaction?
Well there's the domino
theory of countries falling to communism as
described by President Eisenhower. Ike would've used the bad hair
analogy except that he was hair challenged. So he said that if one
African country fell to communism they would all fall. If one hair
falls, they all fall unless there is military intervention.
If you are still trying to make sense of this, if your mouth is a-gape
like the kid in the picture, just accept that it's a bad hair day for
Africa. Tomorrow will be another hair day.
Music Association: Monkees -
Tomorrow's Gonna Be Another Day
Africa!
May 16, 2010
And
the lion shall lie down
with the lamb. And the gazelle did lie down with the cheetah for it was
tired and needed a pet. The cheetah did pet the gazelle and named it.
The cheetah gave unto the gazelle a toy. And the gazelle did express
interest but played with the packaging, forsaking the toy which was
both expensive and non-returnable.
Music Association: Genesis - The
Lamb Lies Down on Broadway
Africa!
May 15, 2010
Music Association: Tokens - Lion
Sleeps Tonight
Africa?!?
May 14, 2010
A friend told me, "You realize you're going to Africa."
I told Captain Obvious, "Well, of course, I... wait... what?"
Africa.
Land of the Lion. And land of the elephant, the gazelle, the
giraffe, the gorilla, and the zebra.
Noah collected all the animals but dropped them all off in Africa.
In Africa,
each and every evening around prime-time, Dancing With The Stars comes
on. That's when the animals dance.
Music Association: Toto - Africa
Plans
May 13, 2010
Plans are coming together.
I am almost shocked.
Even making up the word "Egyptianize" seems to have gone pretty well.
<Where is all this sand coming from?>
Music Association: The Beatles -
Come Together
Pack Lightly
May 10, 2010
I am low maintenance. I travel light. Whenever I'm facing the logistics
of hauling a huge metal spring halfway around the world, I stop and
ask, "Why?"
Why haul equipment, when instead, relationships can be built with the
fine people at Yayat Springs at El Zatoon, Cairo. With the
specifications in hand, they've had no difficulties understanding my
needs. They have also helped
simplify and Egyptianize my plans,
increasing my confidence of success.
I pack lightly, and there's a spring in my step.
Music Association: Mary J. Blige
- Baggage
History
Schmystery
May 7, 2010
Never study history -- it won't do any good.
History sums up complicated concepts in ways that are at best
inaccurate and at worst absolutely false. For example,
America: The
Story Of Us
is riding the History Channel. I stumbled upon it just in time to watch
Paul Revere's ride -- the way Longfellow described it -- a stunning
example of the efforts of one man, except that's not the way it
happened. Many riders, including
William
Dawes and Paul Revere had significant rides on the night of
April 18, 1775. The History Channel overstated Revere's role.
And that's why I don't know anything about Egypt, other than I need to
drive on the right, have
pounds in my pocket, and I know Arabic,
which is more important than schmystery.
Music Association: Cure - Speak
My Language
Getting To Egypt
May 6, 2010
Someone stopped me and asked me how to get to The Ordway
Center. I replied, "Practice, practice, practice."
Getting to Egypt is similar. Take it one step at a time... one block at
a time.
You have to keep your eye on the Target, which is expanding
its grocery operations.
In these transitory economic times, the focus turns to the essentials.
The Target Corporation, whose same-stores sales fell 5.9% in April, is
expanding its grocery operations to keep up with big-block rival
Wal-mart
and to dig in for what may be a long economic recovery. Target has
1,750 stores in 49 states. Target's large competitor Wal-mart has 7,659
stores in 15 countries. CVS with 7,000 stores in 41 states is
also adding
groceries to its product base.
After arriving at our economic destination, the stores may shed their
groceries for less necessary, more expensive items.
Music Association: The
Raspberries - Go All The Way
Applied Physics
Nudge
April 26, 2010
|
It
walks down stairs, alone or in pairs, and makes a slinkity sound.
A spring -- a spring -- a marvelous thing! Everyone knows it's
Slinky!
It's Slinky! It's Slinky! For fun, it's a wonderful toy.
It's Slinky! It's Slinky! It's fun for a girl or a boy. |
The Slinky rests at the top of the stairs. That's what things do;
things rarely move on their own. It's the nudge that makes a Slinky
move. The nudge to the top of the Slinky tips the balance of the
spring, giving momentum and weight to the top which leans over and
quickly becomes the bottom of the Slinky. When the top-turned-
bottom hits the stair, the kinetic energy is transferred up the
flexible spring to the lighter top of the spring in a compression wave.
The pull of the base, combined with the kinetic energy, topples the top
down to the next level.
There is no substitute for the nudge. You can't drop a Slinky and
expect it to step stairs as perfectly as nudging a Slinky at
rest.
The nudge is necessary.
Imagine setting up a demonstration with a giant Slinky, on a huge and
famous landmark, only to find out that you forgot the nudge -- the
force that starts the motion. That would be a disaster... or at least a
disappointment to all the parties involved.
[Note
to self: remember the nudge.]
Music Association: Matchbox 20 -
Push "I wanna push you down..."
You
Are Here →
but you knew that
April 22, 2010
Music Association: Bob Welch -
Sentimental Lady
"You Are Here and warm, but I could look away, and you'd be gone."
Traveling Music Please
Alternate Routes →
April 20, 2010
Icelandic ash plumes over parts of Europe means taking alternate
routes. The world is round. Fly the other way.
The ash map on your right shows plenty of obscured airports but also
shows that southern Europe is still wide open. Think of it as a huge
detour.
UPS
just started flying into Madrid. I've been watching
air
traffic net which shows all the open airports.
Initially, I thought I was going to have to fly west to get east. That
won't be necessary. Now, my plan is to fly into Madrid and then change
planes for Cairo. It's amazing what can be accomplished to play with a
giant slinky.
Music Association: B-52s - Lava
Traveling Music Please
Change Planes
In Frankfurt or Amsterdam?
April 15, 2010
Plans are starting to get set in stone. I'm very excited.
I will be traveling to the Arab Republic of Egypt soon.
I can't tell you what I'm doing, but it involves one of
the wonders of the world and a very large
Slinky.
That reminds me, I have to pack a camera.
Music Association: Bangles
-Walk Like an Egyptian Led Zeppelin - Stairway
to Heaven
Twin Cities
Calendar
Twin Target Stadiums
March 31, 2010
The new
Target Field
is opening for spring (
April
12th),
and it's a nice looking field. It doesn't have the seats of
the
Metrodome or TCF Field, but it has twice the seats of Target Center,
its next door neighbor. If Target can come up with
one more stadium
in a row, even a small one within Block E, then they get naming rights
to Minneapolis, which will either become Targetapolis or
Minneatarget.
Either way, the A in the middle of Minneapolis will not change.
You can get to the ballpark by light rail, bus,
or
skyway -- which is funny because you don't have to step outdoors to get
to the outdoor stadium.
In front of the stadium is a big golden catcher's mitt, perfect for
family pictures on the way into the ballpark, and the front gates come
together to form the shape of Minnesota. It's a good field. It's a cool
place for baseball.
Music Association:
Jack Norworth - Take Me Out To The Ballgame (sung by Harry
Caray)
"In the seventh
inning, fans
all get up and sing 'Take Me Out to the Ball Game,' and they're already
there. It's really a stupid thing to say, and I don't know who made 'em
sing it. Why would somebody that's there get up and sing take me out to
the ball game? The first person to do it must have been a moron." -
White Sox Pitcher Larry Anderson
Scientific Minds
Hair Conditioner To Clean Carbon Emissions
March 25, 2010
Use more conditioner to clear the air? Yes... on an
industrial
scale. Formulas, similar to hair conditioner but without all the
fragrances, have been found to "scrub" carbon dioxide from the gases of
coal burning power plant flues, clearing the air more economically.
I missed the National
Meeting of the American Chemical Society (ACS) in San
Francisco this week, but thankfully this presentation by General
Electric was reported by Science
Daily. I hadn't planned to go because the event
schedule
never listed the GE presentation. If someone has notes that I could
copy, I would gladly reimburse them. I am especially interested in
notes or a recording from a question and answer session. I imagine it
went something like this:
"Wash
That Dirt Right Out Of The Air" Panel Q&A
Q: "This question is directed to the spokespeople from GE. Many
scientific discoveries are happy accidents. Could you describe the
process that introduced the aminosilicone formula to the emissions
flue? Was someone with long hair crawling around in the flue?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "You mentioned the removal of fragrances
commonly found
in hair conditioners and fabric softeners after the discovery of the
effective aminosilicone mixture. Wouldn't it be beneficial to not just
scrub carbon from the emissions but to also add pleasant
smelling
fragrances? Pittsburgh could smell like lilacs. Duluth could smell like
coconuts. There could be a Scent Of The Day." (sniffs) "It
must
be Monday, blackberry sage."
A: "No..."
Q: "Advertisers could sponsor the emissions scrubbing. Saturdays could
be sponsored by the scent of Pizza Hut."
A: "No."
Q: "Does this news of a cheap way of
cleaning coal emissions at GE power plants (and
these little promotional GE Hair Conditioner bottles) have anything to
do with an on-going campaign to try to sell the myth of clean coal
technologies?"
A: "That wraps up our time for questions. Let's take a break and be
back in the ballroom in about 20
minutes."
Music Association: South Pacific
- Wash That Man Right Out Of My Hair
See
Rodgers & Hammerstein's South
Pacific at the Ordway, May 4-6.
By The Numbers
Entertainment
Counts
March 18, 2010
Top Movies
1. Alice in
Wonderland
$ 74
million
2. Green
Zone
$ 16 million
3. She's Out Of My League
$ 12 million
4. Shutter
Island
$
9 million
5. Remember
Me
$
9 million
Domestic box office week of March
12-18, 2010 |
Top TV Networks -
prime time average viewers
1. CBS
11.3 million
2. Fox
9.4
million
3. ABC
6.5 million
4. NBC
6.3 million
5. CW
1.8
million
American Idol (Tuesday) had the largest
viewership last week with 22.75 million viewers
|
Top Websites
1. Google
(9.5 billion searches in Feb.)
2. Facebook
3. Yahoo
(2.4 billion searches in Feb.)
4. YouTube
5. Wikipedia
Domestic websites hits in March 2010 |
Top Video Games
1. World of Warcraft
2. Sims 3
3. Dark Messiah of Might
4. Warcraft 3
5. Second Life
By average playing time |
Top Newspapers
1. Wall Street
Journal 2
million
2. USA
Today
1.9
million
3. New York
Times 1.4
million
4. Los Angeles
Times .6
million
5. Washington
Post
.5 million
Daily circulation from 2009 |
Top Magazines
1. Better Homes &
Gardens 7.6 million
2. Reader's
Digest
7.1 million
3. Good
Housekeeping
4.6 million
4. National Geographic
4.4 million
5. Women's Day
3.9 million
Late 2009 circulation |
Music Association: Phil
Collins - Don't Lose My Number
Taking Sides
March 12, 2010
I was getting a kick out of an angry man recently who was insistent
that I was for some health care plan. My refusal to take sides
just made him angrier. Hey, I know where I stand.
Drawing circles
in the sand to the east or the west and telling me to pick won't get me
to move.
Despite what some people think, I am neither a Democrat nor a
Republican. I am neither for nor against anyone else's health care
plan. My health care plan is right here, where I'm standing. It starts
with me.
I am the world's
foremost expert
on my own health. And I keep up-to-date with the world's most specific
continuing education, backed by an ever increasing library of health
and medical books. If people had the resources I have, they'd have a
much better understanding of their health.
I sent a friend a list of my health and medical books. When compiling
the list, I became surprised at how many books I have. It is
a library! I need to start a card catalog.
Hello
information? Get me the number to Dewey Decimal.
Music Association: Rush -
Freewill "If you choose not to decide, you still have made a
choice."
Tornado v.
Power Lines
March 10, 2010
Here's another way I stay healthy. When a tornado hits, I
don't
take refuge under power lines. Maybe that's OK in Oklahoma,
but it
isn't OK by me. I can think of oodles of places that are safer... even
a cruise ship would be safer.
Click the picture for the video.
Music Association: Kansas - Dust
In The Wind
World
Health Chart
March Forth in 2010
Wouldn't it be great if there was some sort of chart showing how much
the United States pays for health care vs. the rest of the
western
world?
The fine folks at
National
Geographic
did that. They included how often people visit doctors. They also
included the life expectancy of the countries. And they included
whether or not the country has nationalized health coverage. All that
in one chart. That's spiffy.
Music Association: David Bowie -
Space Oddity
"Planet Earth is blue, and there's nothing I can do."
Budget
Cuts Reduce Green Snow Plans
March 3, 2010
The twin city councils have each cut plans for this year's greening of
the snow. Ground cover snow will be dyed green in fewer parks than in
2009 or 2008. Green falling snow will be eliminated in both cities,
even if conditions are favorable.
"You won't see any falling green snow; that's all I know," one council
member said. "If the economy picks up, maybe next year, who knows."
Grocery stores are already experiencing shortages of green Hostess Sno
Balls.
Music Association: Al Green -
Let's Stay Together
Don't Make Me Sick
February 26, 2010
The health care summit proved that Congress can speak with
civility but would rather not.
Also on C-SPAN, NASA scientists plan to approach
girl by 2018.
Music Association: Jackson
Browne - Doctor My Eyes
Cruise Ship Sway
February 22, 2010
I don't smoke or take cruises; that's how I stay healthy.
I don't understand the appeal of cruise ships. I'm not easily swayed by
illness & death scores, crime without prosecution, or even
the all-you-can-catch buffets.
Some might go back and forth, forth and back, trying to decide whether
to sail on a cruise ship. I just don't see the splendor.
^^^^^
ballroom
sliding video (listing
reports)
^^^^^
Maritime
Illness & Death (definitions,
epidemics)
^^^^^
cruise crimes: Cruise Bruises,
Cruise
Victims
^^^^^
Carnival
robs U.S. after Katrina --
In late 2005, FEMA rented 3 cruise ships for Katrina victims for $236
million or $1275 per person per week (double a standard fare).
Carnival received guarantees from the Treasury that the New
Orleans berths would not revoke their tax-exempt status.
Music Association: Hues
Corporation - Rock The Boat
Lint
Recycling
February 19, 2010
I've designed a recycling truck adapted with a giant spinning wheel.
It spins dryer lint into yarn, which feeds the yarn into the loom,
which knits up a truckload of mittens. All my designs are safely
stored in crumpled paper balls, which landed in the general
vicinity of the recycling bin.
All the recycling efforts make me think of more health care
ideas.
Two
Other Health Care Offers
If laughter is the best medicine, shouldn't national comedy treatments
be offered?
(Or is that what Congress
is for?)
If
placebos
are so effective, why can't I get them without a prescription?
Music Association: Blood Sweat
& Tears - Spinning Wheel
2nd Opinion About Health
Care
February 17, 2010
I'd like a second opinion about health care. I'd like the debate to
involve doctors. It should be more about health care and health
information and less about medical insurance. And while I'm wishing for
things that won't happen, how about lint recycling?
Music Association: Sniff 'n the
Tears - Dryer Lint
Ammunition To
Take Away Guns
February 4, 2010
Last year, gun owners expressing concern that Democrats would try to
take away guns bought up all the ammunition they could get. Now signs
are
appearing
at the customer service desks of stores saying that Minnesota law
prohibits the returning of ammunition -- which makes sense because
people shouldn't use second-hand ammunition. Shoot, I think the
people who hoarded ammunition are figuring out that they were
falling for scare tactics.
But guns are being taken
away.
Certain guns are a choking hazard.
Guns
are being voluntarily recalled by Dollar General in cooperation with
the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission.
Music Association: Aerosmith -
Janie's Got A Gun
Astronomical 2011 U.S. Budget &
Opportunity Costs
February 2, 2010
I chortled when George W. Bush proposed returning NASA to
the
moon. I didn't think he was serious. President Obama has scrapped those
plans, through the 2011 U.S. Budget, in favor of the development of
faster spacecraft, implementing a greener NASA, and encouraging
commercial spaceflight. I think he's serious, but I still disagree.
The earlier plan to develop several rockets to take us back to the moon
as a launching point to Mars has been over-budget and behind schedule,
despite being based on existing technologies.
The current $19 billion NASA
budget focuses on lowering the costs of spaceflight and
developing new technologies. Buzz
Aldrin has voiced his support for the new plan.
And yet much of the NASA budget is still directed out of
the country -- to Mars.
I don't have anything against Mars or martians. I like Marvin Martian
and the Toy Story martians, but my opposition to Mars missions is about
the opportunity costs.
Opportunity costs are the options for what to do with the same amount
of money, which is an important way of looking at the U.S. Budget. Ask
questions like: are these expenditures necessary for our priorities...
for the health, safety, and well-being of our people and our country?
Are there better uses of the same money?
I just don't see Mars as important as feeding and educating our people,
taking care of the sick, or caring for the environment.
Music Association:
Beatles - Can't Buy Me Love
Health Care Information
Analysis
Have
A Heart
January 27, 2010
Q: Why do people die?
A: Thanks for asking. People die for many reasons.
In low-income countries, the number one killer is lower respiratory infections
(pneumonia, bronchitis, emphysema).
In middle-income countries, the number one killer is cerebrovascular diseases
(strokes).
And in high-income countries, the number one killer is heart disease.
Source: World
Health Organization
In the United States, Minnesota has the
lowest incidence
of heart disease.
Source: American
Heart Association (p12)
The causes of heart disease include congenital heart defects,
coronary artery disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, smoking,
excessive alcohol or caffeine, drug abuse, stress, certain medications
and supplements, and valvular heart disease.
And depression has been found to be a higher risk factor
of heart disease than genetics or environment.
Sodium
But if you read into the list of causes of
heart disease, certain food additives should be added to the list, such
as salt.
Canada is working to reduce salt intake.
Source: Canadian
Medical Association Journal
Britain is also working to reduce salt intake.
Source: UK Food
Standards Agency
New York City is working on a voluntary reduction of salt at
restaurants.
Source: NYC
Health Dept.
Japan, with high salt consumption and high incidence of strokes, has
been studying ways of reducing salt since 1981.
Salt reductions by 3 grams could reduce heart disease, strokes, and
myocardial infarctions (heart attacks) by about a third.
A handy comparison of salt in processed foods is available
through the Center
for Science in the Public Interest. It shows that McDonald's
french fries (270mg) have half the salt of Burger King french fries
(590mg).
Burger King Whopper (1,070mg)
Source: Burger
King
Chipotle Steak Burrito (2,070mg) Source: Chipotle
McDonald's Big Mac (1,040mg)
Source: McDonald's
Wendy's Single (2,820mg)
Source: Wendy's
Cereal (1 cup) - Cap'n Crunch (269mg), Cheerios (213mg), Corn Chex
(288mg), Corn Flakes (202mg), Frosted Flakes (197mg), Lucky
Charms (203mg), Raisin Bran (362mg), Special K (224mg), Total (157mg),
& Wheaties (218mg). Source: Also Salt
I'm just trying to save your life. Pass the salt.
Music Association: Billy Joel -
Movin Out "Working too hard can give you a heart
attack-ack-ack."
Late Night Drama
January 13, 2009
Here's my show of support for another tall, odd redhead --
Conan O'Brien. In his statement from yesterday afternoon, addressed
to the People of Earth, Conan apologized for his hair.
That was a bold move. As bold as starting a Tonight Show... tomorrow.
Music
Association: Doc Severinsen - The Tonight Show theme
Believe in
People
January 11, 2010
I've always found that people are capable of incredible things.
Music Association: New Radicals
- You Get What You Give
Be Careful, Jack Frost Has a
Machete!
January 9, 2010
Here are places that are warmer than the Twin Cities: Iceland, half of Alaska, most of Antarctica, Europe, Moscow...
Music
Association: Donnie Iris - Color Me Blue