What's Up?
December 29, 2010


Oh, that's hilarious. "What's up?" Very funny.

You really want to know?

I've been busy. I'm so busy.




I'll talk to you later.

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Music Association: Tommy Roe - Dizzy
















Intimidated into Holiday Cheer
December 20, 2010

I'm trying to tone it down.

I seem to intimidate people.

I may be the reason the president of France needs to stand on a box when he's at a podium, and why Tom Cruise needs to wear lifts, and why people feel obligated to learn taekwondo and karate, and stuff. I don't get it.

So I workout. A lot of people workout. Most of them workout in the gym. It's a free country. I get my full cardio by shoveling. And I don't finish shoveling until the workout is over. There are always other places to move the snow. And there's other ways to move the snow. Here's what you do -- act like it's baseball, and you're trying to launch that shovel-full out of the park.

There are many tall, strong people out there. People just act different around me.

People seem to go out of their way to wish me a merry Christmas, like they're forced into it. I might be passive aggressive festive.

Maybe it's my boots that chew snow with every step. Maybe it's my comically oversized coat. Or maybe it has nothing to do with the way I look.

Maybe it's the way I say what I say. You know, I'm trying to wish people a Merry Christmas! What's the big deal about that?!?

---

Music Association: Billy Idol - Rebel Yell



Santa's Elf
December 18, 2010

At a bar after a party last night, a drunk stared at me perplexed. He wasn't actually Barney from the Simpsons, but his voice was right, and his appearance was really close. He approached me and asked, "Are you... Santa or one of his... uh... helpers?"

To be fair, I was wearing a santa hat and a red sweater. I said, "I'm not Santa, but I work for him. I'm an elf." (First time I've said that!) "Do you have something you want me to tell Santa?"

Barney got this look like I'd just offered him the keys to the cookie jar. He said, "I'll have to think about it and write something down. I'll be back."

After a while he came back and smugly handed me a note on a napkin. It said, "Dear Santa, I know I can't have peace in the world, but how about love for only 5 f****** months, and let us go from there. Thank you Santa," and he squiggled a signature.

I'm not certain what kind of love Barney was looking for in the bar last night or when he wanted the five months to begin. I thought about asking but then I realized that Santa would figure it out and would probably appreciate it if I didn't pin down the request too much.

Don't tell Barney, but I'm guessing that for about half a year he's going to be taking care of a puppy.

---

Music Association: Bing Crosby - Santa Claus Is Coming To Town




Whole Internet Hole
December 17, 2010

Does a hole in the Internet affect the whole?

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Music Association: Reginald Heber - Holy Holy Holy






December 15, 2010

President Obama is expected to report on the status of the Afghanistan War today.

So far this year, 487 U.S. soldiers (694 coalition forces) have died in Afghanistan.

Pakistan, which is playing both the United States and Al Qaeda, is the main obstacle to coalition operations, according to intelligence reports leaked yesterday to the New York Times. Insurgents cross from Pakistan into Afghanistan, plant bombs, battle American troops, and return to their Pakistan sanctuaries.

The Afghanistan War needs to stop. Our troops need to return home. The goal of stability cannot be attained. It's just that simple.


The problem is that the public is not pushing for a quick exit from Afghanistan. Despite the increase in casualties, the war is barely a blip on the American radar. 

A Pew Research poll from last week shows 47% of Americans believe troops should be removed as soon as possible; 44% believe the forces should stay until Afghanistan stabilizes. And 9% want to know more about the split between Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds. Apparently their differences stemmed from the different comic book universes of Marvel and DC.  Johansson plays Black Widow, a Marvel character, in Iron Man 2 (2010) and The Avengers (2012). Reynolds plays a DC character, Green Lantern in 2011.  In comic books, it is theorized that there are many separate universes, multiverses, each with their own...

Where was I? Oh yes, I was about to explain the difficulties of keeping the longest war in American history in the American public consciousness, which has been diagnosed with ADHD, and somehow the conversation was sidetracked.

What will it take for the American public to pay attention to the Afghanistan War and to bring our troops home?

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Music Association: Bing Crosby - "I'll Be Home For Christmas"







See Me
December 14, 2010

If you are a frequent reader of this page and you're going to be in the Uptown area Thursday night, meet me at the Urban Outfitters at eight-thirty.  I will be upstairs wearing a comically large coat and a fake mustache, humming obscure pop songs, and looking at nostalgic T-shirts. Stand to my left (not to the left facing me but to my left side) but face opposite of the way I'm facing and say, "T-shirts keep me warm when I wear eleven at once." And I'll say, "Only if the T stands for thermal." That way you'll know it's me.

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Music Association: Steve Forbert - Meet Me In The Middle Of The Night Let Me Hear You Say Everything's Alright



Deep
December 13, 2010

I don't know anyone else who finds shoveling to be meditative... smooth snow throwing motions... there but not there... nearly floating... yet relocating the snow with practiced precision. Snow yoga. All the while my thoughts are elsewhere, deliberating issues interrupted by songs that relate to what I'm thinking about or songs that are currently haunting my head. It's peaceful and as relaxing as shoveling can be.

Saturday was nothing like that.

Try as I might, I couldn't get to the calm. I dropped my zen. The snow was falling and the wind was blowing too fast -- faster than I could shovel. The zen was buried before I could get to it.

Dropping zen was no accident. My survival instinct kicked in and booted zen into the deepest snowdrift, saying, "I'll take over. You want calm?!? Calm is inside. Go."

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Music Association: Genesis - In Too Deep & Oak Ridge Boys - Dig A Little Deeper





Sub Zero Temperatures
December 12, 2010

The Metrodome roof collapsed for the fourth time in its history last night. The collapse was the first time since the 1980s. Today's Vikings-Giants game had already been postponed to Monday night, due to the Giants being stranded in Kansas City.

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Music Association: Carbon Leaf - Raise The Roof


Just Ask Dad

December 11, 2010

"How does snow fall?" Well, I am really glad you asked. Let me put my shovel down. Whew, I'm kinda light-headed.

You see all this snow has to come from somewhere right? It doesn't just come from anywhere; it comes from the sky. No, not the clouds. Clouds aren't made of snow. Um. The clouds are a byproduct.

You know all the planes that take off from the airport? Well, occasionally a plane takes off that's not a usual plane, because enough people have plans that they don't really want to have to do. This special plane is full of snowmen. Now when the plane is hidden by clouds and the plane has got to be hidden by clouds, the snowmen jump out of the back of the plane and break apart into chunks of snow. I've got a diagram right here.

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Music Association: Dean Martin - Let It Snow







The Eternal Optimist
There's Nothing You Can Do That Can't Be Done
December 10, 2010

Wait. There's nothing... Okay Lennon, why didn't you just say, you can do anything? Probably because the double negative helps people to pause and figure the thing out.

Many people are highly skilled at Doubt. They are experts at the impossibility of things and their own limitations.

There are times when Doubt is valuable, like when listening to advertising, listening to lawyers, defying gravity, playing the I Doubt It card game, listening to politicians...

And if people were having fun while doubting everything I would encourage them to keep on doing what they're doing. But people are miserable while they are doubting. They sit and sulk. They act as though the word Can't has been etched in stone, and it can't be erased.

Don't get me wrong -- curmudgeons can be great. I've got a book dedicated to the pessimism of the greatest curmudgeons the world has ever known, The Portable Curmudgeon. In the book on the subject of optimism, Voltaire said, "Optimism is the madness of maintaining that everything is right when it is wrong." And Robert Oppenheimer said, "The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it."

My favorite Winnie the Pooh character is Eeyore, who I quote, "If it is a good morning, which I doubt." Eeyore is most complete with a little raincloud over him, looming like a stone Can't. If there were an Eeyore doll with a perpetual raincloud, I'd get it.

While I'm entertained by curmudgeons, I agree with Lennon (once the double-negatives are sifted out), anything is possible. People would have more fun if they broadened their horizons and tested their creative abilities once in a while. Like... by creating new Christmas songs.

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Music Association: The Beatles - All You Need Is Love




Songwriting 101
Oh For The Love Of Vowels
December 9, 2010

I over prepare when I do something for the first time. It's stagecraft. I set the stage.

When I had to write lyrics for the first time, I over prepared: learning the fundamentals and nuances of stanzas, choruses, and bridges.

The reason I had to write lyrics is that I couldn't do what I wanted.

The most crushing thing I learned when I prepared to write my novel was that music association, associating songs with everyday moments, would not be a main theme. And yet the backstory of the novel is that a band of music people lost their core person; they lost their star. They moved on creatively from music, but their world was still music.

I could have used music association, if I began the book with a chapter of copyright notices.  The story didn't need the padding, so music association was relegated to a minor character. Writing myself into a corner, the only way out was to write some original songs that fit the situation and the mood.

So I read up on writing music. And then I applied what I read to random songs that popped in my head. Did those songs follow the rules? Which rules did they break and why?

The music rules are like stage props. They aren't meant to be noticed.  They remind me of Listen To The Mustn'ts by Shel Silverstein:


Very popular songs have broken most of the rules. The rule that was least broken was ending phrases with long vowels. It's easier to carry a note on a vowel than a consonant. Ending with vowels is so important that if  the writer can't end with a long vowel, the last word should be mispronounced so that it ends in a long vowel.

Another way to follow the vowel rule is to make up words.

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Music Association: The Beatles - Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da



Defining Good Music
December 8, 2010

I meditate. I also vegetate. Meditation and vegetation are similar, at least as I meditate, while wondering how to define good music.

If I am suggesting that people improve on the canon of Christmas music, I probably need to explain how to recognize quality.

What makes good music good?

This is where the University of North Carolina steps in. Researchers there have studied the chill that people get when listening to music.

North Carolina was selected as a test location instead of -- let's say -- Minnesota, to factor out winter's bias.

Researchers Emily Nusbaum and Paul Silvia asked student subjects how often music gave them chills, goosebumps, or made their hair stand on end. In the latest issue of Social Psychological and Personality Science, they reported what parts of their population were more likely to experience chills, which doesn't help to define good music at all. Except that if the music gives at least some people chills, it might mean the music is good.

Or someone forgot to shut the door.

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Music Association: Foreigner - Cold As Ice




"That's Not A Zen Garden, That's A Litter Box"
December 7, 2010

The funny thing about writing is that I can physically stop writing, but in my head it keeps on going... evolving... changing. In yesterday's post I said, "re-record, until the results sound good." Essentially you want to make it better. And when I stopped writing, I thought that the best way to make Christmas music is to start out by covering a Christmas classic and then removing all the bad parts, I mean, who's ever actually had figgy pudding even though We Wish You A Merry Christmas makes a big deal out of not leaving until we get some? A better song would mention something from this era. A better song would be a new song.

White Christmas was the biggest song of the 20th century. The potential of a modern Christmas song is huge, and Christmas songs are self-promoting, since retail stores, restaurants, and Kool108 will be playing Christmas songs for weeks. There are a lot of Christmas songs, but there aren't enough to fill the season. Better Christmas songs would be appreciated.

Essentially I'm asking that you take sad songs and make them better. And when I say sad songs, I'm talking crappy songs. Christmas has a litter box full of crappy songs.

Make it better.

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Music Association: The Beatles - Hey Jude





Make Christmas Music
December 6, 2010

Recently I was a captive audience for Christmas music created by famous people, who, I'm guessing, hate Christmas music.

There's nothing like being forced to listen (I was in a restaurant) to music by people being forced to sing.

Why are famous people forced to sing Christmas music? 

Angels We Have Heard (info) Away in a Manger (info) Deck the Halls (info) The First Noel (info) God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen (info) Hark, the Herald Angels Sing (info) In the Bleak Midwinter (info) It Came Upon the Midnight Clear (info) Jingle Bells (info) Joy to the World (info)

O Christmas Tree (info) O Come All Ye Faithful (info) O Holy Night (info) O Little Town of Bethlehem (info) Silent Night (info, languages) Up on the Housetop (info) We Three Kings (info) We Wish You a Merry Christmas (info) What Child is This? (info)   -- more hymns at Cyber Hymnal

How to Make Christmas Music
There are plenty of public domain Christmas songs to fill an EP or a CD, without paying royalties for songs covered by copyrights like White Christmas, Winter Wonderland, and Rudolph.

Pick your songs, gather up your Christmas musician friends, practice, record using Audacity and a good microphone, and listen to the result. Then re-record and re-record until the results sound good. Write CDs, print CD cover jackets, and then make the CDs available to Twin Cities restaurants with my sincerest gratitude.

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Music Association: Brenda Lee - Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree









part two
of Trouble
December 3, 2010

Reflections on Changing Road Signs
People who live west of where they work, travel east to work, sometimes looking directly into the morning sun on their way. Going home, they travel west, heading into the evening sun -- riding off into the sunset. Living west of work can mean being blinded coming and going.

People who live east of where they work, only get blinded by sunlight shining on their car mirrors... and reflective signs.

One of the problems with reflective technologies is that they reflect, sometimes too much, sunlight.

Another problem with reflective technologies is when they reflect too little, such as reflective road tape when the pavement is wet. Have you ever noticed the white dashed line disappear when wet? Either the reflective road tape doesn't function under a film of water or the highway department used the wrong tape. 3M has wet-dry road tape. Either it isn't being used or white paint would be better for all conditions.

Recycling Old Road Signs
Some people are already turning road signs into furniture.

John Carter is turning Don't Walk signs into chairs, available now for $3700 (sorry, not available for Christmas).  "Honey, unplug the tree; I want to plug in the chair."

Boris Bally is making chairs and tables from metal signs. And trash bins.

For people on-the-go, Tripp Gregson sells briefcases made from metal signs for $250.

And when you're on-the-go, swing by Meadville, Pennsylvania (just south of Erie), which has a huge mural and flowers made from used road signs [complete picture].

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Music Association: Manfred Mann - Blinded By The Light






part one

December 2, 2010

This week the press and state highway departments are talking about a mandate to change signs to meet new Federal requirements. A key example is to use a mix of upper and lower case, instead of all capitalized letters, for street signs. Other changes include bigger fonts and more reflective lettering. At issue is the requirement to change all signs by 2018.

Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood is backing away from the Bush Administration measures, which were lobbied for by the American Traffic Safety Services Association, which represents companies that make signs and the reflective materials used in them. At least one study relating to the new law was funded by the 3M Corporation.

New York City transportation officials say that replacing the 250,000 NYC street signs with more reflective ones would cost about $27.5 million.

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Music Association: Five Man Electrical Band - Signs



Walk, Don't Run
December 1, 2010

I like to walk. This morning, the birds sung short songs. Car engines squealed and sputtered. Icy sidewalks prevented completely confident strides.

Take it slow. Notice more.

So I noticed that the sidewalks had interesting concave dots in the ice, where the rain had dented the wet pavement while it was freezing two nights ago. Snow dusted over the pockmarked surface, leaving a distinctively lunar landscape in miniature on the sidewalks. I half expected a teeny-tiny Buzz Aldrin to hop about.

All this reminds me of a dream I had this morning about the moon. Lunar rocks were hitting the Earth, causing Earth rocks to hurl upward and hit the moon. The moon was closer to the Earth. It was still cold, but it was hotter than it is now. It was hot and cold.

Minnesota was cold this morning. You may wonder how cold. (How cold was it?) I'll let my cat answer that one.

Tony shakes his paw twice to indicate cold. That's his reaction to the open refrigerator.

If something is really cold, he will shake one paw twice then shake his other paw twice. I don't think he starts with the same paw each time. (I'll have to keep an eye on that.) The freezer is two paws cold.

Tony's highest rating of cold is three alternating paw shakes, shaking one paw twice, then the other, then back to the first. It is so complex that he is almost frantic to get through his signing.

When I came in from the cold, that was Tony's rating; it was a three paw morning.

Tony is a weather cat.

---

Music Association: Katy Perry - Hot 'N Cold




Perspectives
Oldest Salt Mine or Longest Rescue?
November 30, 2010

CNRS reports that a salt mine was operational in the 5th millennium B.C. The area of the Araxes Valley in Azerbaijan looks like well-worn, brown carpet that was never properly tacked down. It's a fascin-yawn-ating story about the history of high sodium diets or something. Only at the bottom of the third paragraph of the CNRS story do we get to the real story. The headline should read --

Not that the reporting of the story tomorrow by the Azerbaijan National Academy of Sciences in TÜBA-AR isn't <yawn> excuse me, fascinating. But the real story is the rescue.

Four miners were trapped in the salt mine when the gallery they were working in collapsed.

Here's how it happened: "Eook, put your stone hammer down. That's a support column. We need that to hold up the--"

The salty roof poured in, with the sound of thousands of salt shakers. Then... nothing.

Except the murmur of one of the workers, "My doctor suggested that I cut back on my salt intake."

Until a few weeks ago, the Azerbaijan National Academy of Sciences was sitting around watching the rescue of the Chilean miners on TV and someone said, "Hey! We could use one of those Phoenix capsules, when they're done with them, to rescue the four guys from the salt mine. They've been down there a while."

I'm guessing the rescued Azerbaijan miners were in good spirits; the CNRS story didn't say.

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Music Association: Sting - A Thousand Years







Irvin Kershner Died Today at 87
November 29, 2010


Star Wars wouldn't be Star Wars without Irvin Kershner.

Kershner, who died today in Los Angeles at age 87, directed Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back.

Many fans view Empire as the best of the Star Wars films because it was the richest in characterization. Irvin Kershner worked with the script and the actors of Empire to bring Star Wars to its peak.

Kershner described directing Empire as, "one of the greatest experiences of my life."

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Music Association: John Williams - Star Wars Theme







Crowds
November 26, 2010

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Music Association: Yes - I've Seen All Good People



Lost The Turkey?
November 25, 2010

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Music Association: Dido - Thank You



Some Traveling Music Please
Happy Thanksgiving Gotta Run
November 24, 2010

The plans are tight. There isn't a moment to spare.

The cab driver acts as though he's being paid by the minute, not the mile. The meter just ticked off another fifty cents without us moving?!? That's insane! Remember to call the Florida elderly tomorrow. The iPhone blanked out for two minutes only to resuscitate to show a low battery image. If the cab is going to charge me this much, I should be able to charge my iPhone.

People are stoic. They're practicing the hands up pose with their children. The airport is packed in clumps. You can speed up for a few steps only to come to a complete halt. I'm halfway to the boarding pass stations when I remember that I printed the thing at home. I turn around as I remember I left the boarding pass in the printer. I turn around again. I'll just get another boarding pass, no problem. Just the word problem at the airport raises red flags.

This will be my second boarding pass. That could be a problem. They'll be wondering why I printed two boarding passes. They'll review the video of my entrance, see my 360 degree turn, and wonder if I had second thoughts about flying. It's going to take a low-suds miracle to get through this.

On my way to the boarding pass stations, I pass six people who each did a 360 degree turn more or less. I guess plenty of people have second thoughts. I'm late.

Grabbing my second boarding pass, I make my way toward -- This post was cut off by my iPhone.

---

Music Association: Pat Benetar - You Better Run; Bruce Springsteen - Born To Run; Tom Petty - Running Down A Dream



Some Traveling Music Please
Airport Security Screening
Doesn't Include Congress, Pilots, Or That Guy (Matt)
November 23, 2010

Here's a thought. Hire TSA officials with law enforcement degrees. Empower TSA officials to use discretion, as well as investigative and deductive skills learned through a college education that includes understanding the Bill of Rights.

Why? Because random searches or seizures miss the probable cause test of the Fourth Amendment.

And the body scanners, the Advanced Imaging Technology (AIT) - Whole Body Imaging (WBI), do not detect metal or explosives and have been implemented without independent safety data, with good reason. The scanners use ionizing radiation, known to be harmful to:
Here's a list of airports with the scanners. For MSP the list says, "In use at C/P [checkpoint] 10, C/P 2 has two NoS, C/P 6 has NoS in use. Avoid by using C/P 1 or 5. All C/Ps lead to the same area."

The public and TSA officials should not be put in the position of behaving ridiculously, with the argument that everyone else is going along with the ridiculous behavior.

Here's a flyer (Matt) who was put in a ridiculous position and was cooperative, logical, and had his rights respected, even if it took TSA officials a while to figure out the correct course of action.

In a different situation, here's John Tyner's statement and YouTube video. Other situations and summaries.


Bill of Rights - Amendment IV
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

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Music Association: Goo Goo Dolls - Iris "And I don't want the world to see me. 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am."



And We're Back...
November 22, 2010

We'd like to thank Andy Rooney for filling in for us last week. His article for November 19th reminded us of the Non Sequitur cartoon for November 17th. The caveguy saying "Back in my day..." in that cartoon is Andy Rooney.

Little known trivia: Mr. Rooney was originally supposed to play the role of the principal in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. As the pre-production script turned into the actual working-script, the character's name was changed to Ed Rooney so that there wouldn't be any confusion. Grace says, "It's true."
The Guthrie Theatre in Minneapolis, playing 39 Steps and A Christmas Carol, is no stranger to shipping around scenery, curtains, and props. With all that experience, they have started Guthrie Trucking, with eye-catching payloads that seem to defy gravity. Watch for them swinging into your neighborhood.

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Music Association: Grateful Dead - Truckin'




Andy Rooney: New Media
November 19, 2010

A woman sent me a question by e-mail. I don't know what the question was about because I never got it. This computer on my desk is just a prop. I figure if anyone really wants to talk with me, they should write a letter or maybe call and leave a message.

This woman didn't do those things.
Instead she came to CBS to see me.
The interns woke me up and propped open my eyelids in the usual way.

The woman told me she had written a song about my eyebrows. I asked if she could text message it to me.

"You text message?!?" she asked.
I replied, "No."

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Music Association: 60 Minutes - tic



Andy Rooney: Low Brow
November 18, 2010

Have you ever wondered why my eyebrows are so bushy?

I've lost sleep over them. I really have.

You see, the interns over here at CBS use my eyebrows to hook open my eyelids.

It's to keep me from falling asleep during...







  Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

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Music Association: 60 Minutes - tic tic tic 




Andy Rooney: The Comic
November 17, 2010

Have you ever wondered why these things are still called comic books? I know I have.

Comic books aren't that funny. And the last time I could lift my dictionary it said that anything comic, or comical, or comics were about being funny. I guess my dictionary was written before anyone knew Bob Saget.

Some people call comic books graphic novels. I think that sounds a little pretentious, don't you? But then, it's better than calling them Illustrated Periodicals.

Here's a funny scene in a comic book.

Batman is teasing Robin about Supergirl. If I'm reading this right, Dick Grayson is now Batman. Next thing you know, they'll be telling me that Jimmy Olsen is Superman.

Maybe comic books are funny not for what the characters say but for what they wear.

I know I'd feel more than a little silly wearing a comic book costume.

The Batman mask would probably have to be altered to fit my eyebrows.

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Music Association: 60 Minutes - tic tic tic tic tic 



Andy Rooney: Airport Security
November 16, 2010

It's that time of year when people who don't normally travel are traveling, so I'm going to tell you about the changes at the airport.

The biggest change is the full body scanners. They used to just wave a wand over you.

I'd stand there and try to act impressed.

Now that I'm ninety-one years old, they want to see more of me.

I don't have a problem with that. I have a problem with the reactions of the airport security officials. The gasps. The snickers. And I'm not sure the Mardi Gras beads are really necessary.

A man in San Diego recently protested being searched at the airport.

I've made a good living out of complaining about things, so I believe he has a right to complain.

I think there is a big difference between profiling and making reasonable, investigative decisions.

But if you check, reasonable decisions aren't on the list of acceptable items.

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Music Association: 60 Minutes - tic tic tic tic tic tic tic



Now and Zen
Zen and the Art of Snow Shoveling
November 15, 2010

Motionless in the motion of the falling snow.
My shovel -- held horizontal -- caught the snow.
I wait for the shovel to fill.

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Music Association: Dido - White Flag  "Where's the sense in that?"



Snow
November 13, 2010

Lots of snow - shoveling - plowing - power outages... 

I had to use my foot-pedal computer to post this.

Xcel Energy says that over 60,000 are without power.

Since this is Minnesota's first significant snowfall of the season, the snow has some catching up to do.

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Music Association: Dean Martin - Let It Snow


Two Weeks Until Black Friday - National Shopping Day
November 12, 2010

Black Friday accounts for a significant percentage of annual retail sales. Generally, retail doesn't make much money during the year. Holiday sales tip the balance.

How much depends upon the retail sector. For example, jewelry stores average about 30% of their sales during the weeks prior to Christmas. Department stores, discount stores, and electronic stores average about 22% of their sales from this time of year, according to the National Retail Federation (NRF) and this chart  →

It doesn't make sense. What NRF is saying is that during these four weeks they double the usual monthly traffic. Double?!? It couldn't possibly be only double.

Are the parking lots full with only double the usual cars? Are the stores packed with only double the number of shoppers?

I can explain. The reasons why it only averages out to be double usual sales are:
♦  some stores are packed and some aren't
(Have you ever wondered where all the good stuff is sold? It's at those other stores.)
♦  many people wandering through the stores aren't buying
♦  some people aren't paying -- NRF says the cost of theft is $3.7 billion
♦  some store employees drive multiple cars to work

Checking over the multitude of NRF statistics, there doesn't seem to be any facts or figures relating to retail employees driving multiple cars to retail store parking lots. It just seems like that's what is happening. For those of you wondering how multiple cars could be driven by one individual, it is really quite simple. Have you ever walked through a parking lot and seen a dog sitting in the driver's seat of a vehicle? That's one way multiple cars get to the parking lot -- dogs that drive. AutoDrive is another way multiple vehicles get to the same destination. Another way is when someone's car breaks down in the lot, they go home and drive another car in so they have a way home at night. And some retail employees, the really efficient ones, use those trucks that haul multiple vehicles, fill 'em up, and drop them off in the parking lots.

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Music Association: Beatles - Drive My Car


The 11th Hour of the 11th Day of the 11th Month
November 11, 2010

The First World War was said to have ended on the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month.

But it didn't. Shots were still being fired. People still died. So why perpetuate the myth?

Cut it out.

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Music Association: Aerosmith - Dream On


Veterans and Active Duty Military Eat Free
November 10, 2010

Tomorrow is Veterans' Day. To celebrate, Applebees & Chili's will offer free meals to veterans and active duty military.

The Twin Cities Calendar lists some other deals for Veterans' Day.

We stand by you.

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Music Association: Carrie Underwood - I'll Stand By You


Particle Collision Coverage
Yesterday's Mini-Big Bang
November 8, 2010

European physicists are unhappy. They were unhappy enough before yesterday that they decided to switch from colliding protons to colliding lead ions. Yesterday, they created a mini-big bang.

Oxymoron alert: A mini-big bang is like jumbo shrimp or awful nice or good grief; it just doesn't make sense.

But what really doesn't make sense is why CERN scientists are trying to restart the universe.

And if they were mad before, whoa-ho-ho, they are ticked off now that they didn't end the universe with a new beginning.

They must be mad... Mad scientists. They tried to blow everything up and now they're even madder.

If they thought they could somehow get rich off ending the universe, they aren't as bright as the "million times the center of the sun" that they created yesterday. Most insurance companies do not cover particle collisions. It doesn't matter if the collisions are caused by protons or ions; insurance companies want no part of it.

So what happened? Anything?

Yesterday's collision occurred at about the start of the fourth quarter of the Minnesota Vikings game against the Arizona Cardinals. That could explain some changes in the Metrodome, but it was hardly a whole new universe.

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Music Association: Coldplay - The Scientist



When A Clock Is Hungry, It Goes Back Four Seconds
November 5, 2010

Daylight Savings Time ends this weekend with clocks falling back one hour to standard time between Saturday and Sunday.

If you have clocks with London, Paris, Rome, and Moscow time, you should have changed those on Halloween.

This map shows which countries have Daylight Savings, or Summer Time as the Brits call it. Europe, Russia, and Egypt have it. China, India, Argentina, most of Arizona, and most of Africa don't have it.

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Music Associations: Cher - If I Could Turn Back Time & Coldplay - Clocks



Oh! Oh! I know this one. Um. Gravity!
November 4, 2010

Ask me another one. 

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Music Association: Blood, Sweat, & Tears - Spinning Wheel    "What goes up, must come down."


National Shift
November 3, 2010

Geologists say that due to the forces of plate tectonics, the Atlantic Ocean is getting larger at a rate of 3/4 of an inch each year. Yesterday's elections were a setback to geologists (and their charts) as the country took a big shift to the right.

"We'd like to say that we knew it was coming, that our magnetometers were rocking off the rock charts, but the rightward shift took us by surprise," a leading geologist said this morning. "I mean, I felt it, or at least I think I did. I know my dog Rocky did. He was barking up a storm."

When asked how far the nation actually moved, the geologist said, "We've been seeing a rightward lean for some time. It was a lean, kind of like the whole country is going around a curve, you know? Some of my colleagues say it's been going on for years. Others say the horizon has been un-horizontal since about the beginning of this century. We don't know how far we've moved, but we're sure to get funding to study it. We always get funding. As long as we don't mention evolution, we always get funding. Right. Left. Up. Down. It doesn't matter. The defense contractors get paid. Foreign countries get paid. And geological rightwardly-shifting studies will get paid."

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Music Association: Supertramp - Right


Creativity Evolved
Give Up & Throw It Away
November 2, 2010

Have you ever had multiple conversations with diverse and divergent people and each conversation gravitates in a particular direction and no matter how hard you cling to another tangent, the conversation is taking you along for the ride? Recent conversations about creativity keep migrating toward the subject of rough drafts.

So here's my take on rough drafts -- all drafts are rough drafts.

A recycling bin holds my paintings, or as I call them, used canvases.

I used to wonder about artists with unfinished paintings or who painted over previous paintings. Why would they paint over their paintings? Rough drafts.

Musicians talk about having kicked around a song for years. My reaction is: why didn't you put it out years ago? Rough draft. It wasn't ready yet. The musician had to learn what the song needed.

When a work can't go on, it needs to be shelved. It is okay to give up. I give up all the time... short term. Shelving a work until later is a way of saying, "I'm not ready to give it what it needs."

Sometimes shelving a work is not good enough. I want it out. Crumpling up work has a finality. It is satisfying to destroy inferior work. I can never get that on a computer. Makers of writing software and graphics software should incorporate a crumple feature. It would help the creative process.

To create masterpieces, you have to dispose of inferior pieces.

Previously (Oct 19th) I posted about time. The creative process needs progress to move forward. It needs time. One of the most efficient uses of time is to destroy inferior work right after creating it. It's the only way to fully move on.

That's why I could never be a tattoo artist. Tattoos are difficult to throw away.

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Music Association: Genesis - Throwing It All Away



Creativity Explored
Dead Artists Have No Ego
November 1, 2010

Art history is chock full of artists who died in penniless obscurity. It is so common that maybe it's part of the natural evolution of an artist.

Death is the turning point for most artists.

No, really, the moment the artist dies the value of their work skyrockets. The praise of the life's work is both exalting and uplifting... or would be except the artist is dead.

And maybe it's because dead artists have no ego.

Ego gets in the way of art. The audience can't see the work because the artist is standing in the way, admiring the thing.

Or the audience studies the work, calculates a thousand potential meanings of the thing, only to find out from the artist that it was a pattern left in the remains of breakfast.

Or else the artist refuses to part with the artwork because it is substandard, but the art world (the world of art -- picture oceans painted with medium and light cadmium blue) sees the work as nothing less than revolutionary.

And praise doesn't help. Praise says, "Do more of this." Ouch. That can confuse artists into copying their own work. Self-plagiarism is the lowest of the low. It is poison to creativity. "The fans want a sequel."

If self-plagiarism is poison, committees are a nuclear warhead. A committee will grind the creativity out of any work. It becomes a wonder how good movies can be made. We praise the writer-director-actors who do it all, but they have the easiest task; they are a voice of one.

Artists don't need committees or self-plagiarism. They need to improve on their previous work. And on their death, art collectors will know that the best won't be getting any better.

Criticism is the best thing for artists, other than death. Criticism pushes the artist to be better.

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Music Association: Rachael Lampa - The Art   "Life is just the art of living on."


Great... Just Great...
October 31, 2010

Linus believes in the Great Pumpkin.

And yet, the Great Pumpkin lets Linus down every year. Maybe it's worth asking, who is the Great Pumpkin? And then muttering maybe the Great Pumpkin isn't so great after all. Maybe this is the lesser pumpkin, the no-so-great pumpkin, the clearance 50% off pumpkin.

I'll tell you who the great pumpkin is, but I need to choose my words carefully because (whispering) the Great Pumpkin is reading this right now!

First, to clear up that Greatness issue, the Great Pumpkin is great. It's great to say that. Say it with me. "The Great Pumpkin is Great."

Second, to clear up the issue of whether or not the great pumpkin exists, clearly the Great Pumpkin exists because the Great Pumpkin has a Wikipedia page filled with errors and inconsistencies. It is true however that the Great Pumpkin appreciates sincerity and is easily offended.

Most importantly, the Great Pumpkin is not just found in the orange glow of pumpkin patches. The Great Pumpkin is in each one of us. Recently while visiting a pumpkin patch, I was mistaken for the Great Pumpkin. I told the kid, no, actually the Great Pumpkin is you. "No it's you," the kid replied. "Oh no, it's you." That's when the pumpkin fight started.

The pumpkin fight ended when the owner of the pumpkin patch said, "Great... Just great..."

So you see, you don't have to go very far to find the Great Pumpkin.

Happy Halloween, Great Pumpkin.

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Music Association: Bobby "Boris" Pickett - Monster Mash


Believe In What You Believe In
October 30, 2010

Some believe in pop stars, the latest technology, sports teams, local newscasters or pundits. And usually they are selective in what they like. "I like this, but not that." I believe in art. Not all art, specific art.

My favorite artists are people that I know. I have the inside track. I get to look behind the curtain.

Other artists filling my bookshelves include M.C. Escher, Georges-Pierre Seurat, Leonardo da Vinci, Vincent van Gogh, Chuck Jones, Bill Watterson, Wiley Miller, Frank Cho, Berke Breathed, George Perez, Adam Hughes, Darwin Cooke, Terry Moore, and Charles Schulz.

Charles Schulz was from St. Paul. His attitudes were from St. Paul. Maybe that's why my greatest connection to the Peanuts comes from his early works, connected to the changing seasons and quickly changing moods.

His later work was more California. Not that there is anything inherently wrong with California, but it is not Midwest and not Minnesota.

Charlie Brown is not of either coast; Charlie Brown is from the middle.

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Music Association:  The Coasters - Charlie Brown




Bach to a Liszt You Can Handel
October 29, 2010

It's insidious how much classical music I know just because of the way it sneaks around. It's everywhere. You want a list? I'll give you a list. I'll start at the beginning.
The beginning of 2001: A Space Odyssey starts with Richard Strauss (the sunrise fanfare from Also sprach Zarathustra, opus 30 composed in 1896) and soon moves to the Blue Danube waltz (1866) by Strauss when the Pan Am spaceplane is matching the rotation of the space station.

The Ordinary People post from a few days ago brought to mind the theme to the movie Ordinary People, which was Johann Pachelbel's Canon in D major (1919). It's played at weddings, but Ordinary People was more about divorce. Other wedding music includes Felix Mendelssohn's Wedding March (1842) from A Midsummer Night's Dream, the Bridal Chorus (1850) by Richard Wagner, Jesu, Joy Of Man's Desiring (1716) by Johann Sebastian Bach, and Ode To Joy (1824) by Ludwig van Beethoven.

Joy is often represented by the Hallelujah Chorus from The Messiah (1741) by George Handel.

Beethoven reminds me of Schroeder from Peanuts, who plays Für Elise (1867) on his toy piano. The Olympics regularly play variations of  Bugler's Dream (1958) by Leo Arnaud and Fanfare for the Common Man (1942) by Aaron Copland with new arrangements by John Williams. Star Wars themes by John Williams were inspired by The Planets suite (1916) by Gustav Holst with darker themes (Star Wars I-III) from O Fortuna (1935) by Carl Orff.

Magicians and acrobats in movies were represented by Sobre Las Olas (1884) by Juventino Rosas. Circus music is either the Entrance of the Gladiators (1897) by Julius Fučík or Sabre Dance (1942) by Aram Khachaturian, which also accompanies plate spinning. Hyperactivity is also represented by the Flight of the Bumblebee from The Tale of Tsar Saltan (1900) by Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov.

Piano competitions in cartoons use the Hungarian Rhapsody No. 2 (1847) by Franz Liszt. The ragtime piano of The Entertainer (1902) by Scott Joplin was repopularized by the movie The Sting. Rhapsody in Blue (1924) by George Gershwin has been used by United Airlines commercials... Wait. Does United Airlines advertise any more? You know, "Come Fly The Friendly Skies." Oh. Right.

Graduation exercises often use the Pomp and Circumstance March (1901) by Edward Elgar. Fate is represented in popular culture through the first few notes (shown above) of Symphony No. 5 (1808) by Beethoven. And the classic funeral music comes from the Piano Sonata No. 2 (1839) by Frédéric Chopin.

Toccata and Fugue in D minor (1707?) is the heavy, spooky organ music that might have been composed by Bach. Researchers opened Bach's coffin to investigate. They found him erasing sheet music. They asked what he was doing. Bach said, "I'm decomposing."

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Music Association (classic classical music): Mozart - Eine kleine Nachtmusik


The President on The Daily Show
October 28, 2010

President Obama visited The Daily Show with Jon Stewart yesterday, while The Daily Show visits Washington DC.

It was history in the making, but most people aren't very entertained by history, no matter how fresh it is. 

The show was above average, but I expected more.

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Music Association: Schoolhouse Rock - Preamble



Ordinary People
October 26, 2010

It's funny what people do for attention. I have the opposite trouble. I try to blend. I try to be subtle. It almost never works.

A crowd was walking by me this weekend. I wasn't doing anything. Nothing! Okay, I might have been smirking, but it wasn't on purpose. I always smirk. I'm Captain Smirk. And whenever I realize I'm doing it, I wipe it off my face. I wasn't smirking the entire time, yet people were staring at me like I had antennas.

I did not.

More media means less attention. The stars are looking less bright.

I'm not a star.
I'm ordinary people.
And I have no interest in watching the movie Ordinary People.
Been there, lived that.

Have a good day.

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Music Associations: America - Lonely People; The Beatles - Eleanor Rigby




DeBeers Replies
October 21, 2010

DeBeers Marketing: Thank you for yesterday's message.
Hopes and Dreams:  We thought of replying to your Cease and
                   Desist letter with another Cease and Desist letter
                   to cease the Cease letters. But we thought, "Nah."
DeBeers Marketing: We liked the bling. We also liked, "Sorry
                   Mommy's ring scratched you. Isn't it gorgeous?!?"
                   That might be our new slogan. Got any other ideas?
Hopes and Dreams:  Black background. Diamond. The text says:
                   "Love isn't measured by two months.
                   Love is years.
                   How could two months salary be good enough?
                   DeBeers."
DeBeers Marketing: Can we have that?
Hopes and Dreams:  It's yours.
DeBeers Marketing: Some of us are on the floor laughing.
Hopes and Dreams:  That's why we're here.

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Music Association: Shirley Bassey - Diamonds Are Forever






October 20, 2010

The DeBeers cartel has stepped in and asked that we remove all references to the wedding sock, unless we work with the DeBeers Marketing Department to create a DeBeers Sock, with or without diamonds.

That sort of creativity sounds great, but diamonds are dangerous. And it's not because the diamond industry has been polluting the Birim River downstream of Akwatia, Ghana since 1947, nor is it because of the diamond wars, nor Al-Qaeda's money laundering through diamonds. It's because diamonds are pointy.

Diamond rings cut the wearer and those hands that the wearer holds. Diamond cuts account for a significant percentage of cuts on the hands of children that Johnson & Johnson, makers of Band-Aid brand bandages, offers children's bling bandages that say, "Sorry mommy's ring cut you; Isn't It Gorgeous!" Bling bandages are sold at fine jewelry counters.

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Music Association: Culture Club - Do You Really Want To Hurt Me; Nick Lowe - Cruel To Be Kind



It's Time
October 19, 2010

I wish you could see (or imagine) time the way I see it.

I was putting on a sock in the dark this morning, but the sock was rolled in on itself. That's what time is like. Time is cyclical. A clock is a good representation of time. Except it isn't. Time meets at the same places, but it also moves forward without exactly coming back, like a spring. Except that a spring doesn't have a defined beginning that all parts point to and away from.

A sock has a beginning, is cyclical, and is open ended -- just like time.

And it's inverted on itself. I'm not sure I can explain that part.

Maybe time is the sock, and life is the inverted sock. And Time-Life is anthology media.

Footnote
At weddings when they talk about a ring as a symbol of a relationship, I try not to visibly cringe. A ring is a symbol of a relationship that goes around and around but doesn't get anywhere. The alternative? With this spring I thee wed?!? No. The wedding sock.

     We are gathered here... like toes... at the beginning of the wedding sock. The wedding sock encompasses the soul of relationships. It is soft, keeps them snuggly warm, heels them, and is open ended -- the first step in this couple's new lives together.

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Music Associations: Alan Parsons Project - Time; Pink Floyd - Time;
Felix Mendelssohn - Wedding March


News Analysis
Bin Laden Comfortable in Pakistan
October 18, 2010

Yesterday when Dr. Stan should have been analyzing the Vikings narrow win over the Cowboys, he was telling me about media bias. He wasn't talking about the obvious political slants that cause preschoolers to shout "Conservative [expletive]!" or "Liberal [expletive]!" and then run out the door. Dr. Stan was talking about the news sources that put the initial spin on a story that was invented for some purpose.

To entertain him beyond what we were talking about, I'll pick one of today's stories: NATO official says, Osama Bin Laden living in relative comfort in Pakistan. Time to ask questions.

Why?
Why do we care? Is this a news story? Most media stories fail these basic journalistic tests. They are fluff. The USA Today is a very fluffy newspaper (wow, stairs are a form of exercise?!?). But this story came from CNN.  (Not that CNN doesn't have fluff...)

Who?
CNN doesn't have journalists wandering around Pakistan. So they rely on a NATO official. Who's a NATO official? Well, if it were someone French or British, they would have said that, not that the French or British are wandering around Pakistan. NATO official means CIA official, not that the CIA is wandering around Pakistan much either.

What? Where?
What is the point of this story? It seems like the point is that Bin Laden's location is known and that people who might side with Bin Laden should not be concerned for his well-being. He's doing fine. He's watching TV. The address is a house in northwest Pakistan, ranging from the Chinese border to the Kurram Valley (Nixon's nose on the western border). Looking at a map of Pakistan, the CIA has narrowed the address down to about 200 sq. miles.

That's not a house; that's a camper.

When?
Why now? What is the timing of this story? Is it to convince Al-Qaeda that their leaders are not in caves or washed out to sea by the floods? Probably not. Is it to convince Pakistan to get off the fence, stop treating Bin Laden like a guest, and find him? Probably. What about Americans? If Americans read the story, they're probably supposed to think, "Oh, we know where he is. The Pakistani Intelligence have him guarded. He's under control."

Conclusions
The Minnesota Vikings started to meld as a team yesterday.
News sources have their own agendas.
And Bin Laden wants more snack food.

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Music Association: Shakira - Spy





Best Halloween Costume: Phoenix Capsule
October 13, 2010
The rescue operations for the trapped Chilean miners went great. As of 8:05pm CST, all 33 of the 33 miners have been rescued using a 13 foot tube -- the Phoenix  Capsule -- built by the Chilean Navy. The Chilean flag and FENIX is painted on the outside. The interior of the capsule is 21" in diameter. Austria cranes and pulleys hoist the capsule up the mine shaft and lower it again. The ascent took about 15 minutes; the descent took about 20 minutes.


The capsule would make a perfect Halloween costume. It has both a scare factor and a greatness.

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Music Association: Roger Daltry - Free Me; Roger Daltry - I'm Free




Unwritten Rules
October 12, 2010

1. Talk quietly at a funeral or in a library or while watching golf. Or any combination.
2. Don't correct conversational grammar.
3. Don't talk with your mouth full or when watching a movie at a movie theater.
4. If you are strong and able, keep your elbows off the table.
5. Don't wear white after Labor Day or before Memorial Day. It's a Minnesota rule related to being lost in a blizzard.
6. Wear clothes. (Might be just a Minnesota issue.)
7. Hold a door for others and wipe your feet. I have ape arms so I can do both simultaneously.
8. Face the door in an elevator. If there are two doors, pick one.
9. Walk on the right side of the sidewalk or hallway.
10. Be polite, fair, respectful, helpful, and civil.

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Music Association: Beach Boys - Wouldn't It Be Nice



Tomorrow's Tech
Holiday Sales
October 11, 2010

This is one of those semi-confusing times of the year when retailers have their Halloween stuff out, but the ghosts of Christmas yet-to-come are already muscling out the Halloween ghosts. Somewhere in-between is Black Friday, the national shopping day (Nov. 26th). A recent Accenture poll shows 5% fewer people will buy on Black Friday, and 5% more will buy on-line. (It's probably the same 5%). People are also planning to spend the same or less than in 2009. A SymphonyIRI survey has shoppers promising that this year they:

Despite the Accenture and SymphonyIRI polls, the National Retail Federation expects a 2.3% holiday sales increase, which is about the same as the 2.2% increase they expected in 2008, which instead resulted in a 2.8% decline.

Some shoppers might be looking for the Amazon Kindle in color. An article in the journal Applied Physics Letters, titled High reflectivity electrofluidic pixels with zero-power grayscale operation explains that a color Kindle may be available in three years.

An over-supply of LCD TV panels is expected to drive the price of flat screen TVs down by 5% in time for the holidays.

Shoppers looking for a self-driving car should read the novel, Hopes and Dreams: Stuck on AutoDrive. Google has reported that they have self-driving cars being tested in California. The cars will not be available anytime soon. It's just self-promotion.

Google has identified top product searches:

For people with over-flowing wallets, the Neiman-Marcus Christmas Book is now available. The $250,000 houseboat on page 40 may not overflow in calm water, and the $15,000 Edible Gingerbread Playhouse on page 47 may provide a safe refuge on board the houseboat. Or $150,000 will get you a Batmobile.

GottaDeal has some best Black Friday practices for retailers.

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Music Association: The Beatles - Can't Buy Me Love



The Bad Guys of the Good Guys
War Profiteers
October 10, 2010

NATO contractors are blowing up their own fuel depots and trucks in Pakistan so the Taliban doesn't have to bother.

Pakistan is playing both sides of the war. The U.S. funds Pakistan. The Bush Administration provided Pakistan $3 billion over 5 years. The Obama Administration will provide $1.5 billion over 5 years. Pakistan just reopened the Torkham checkpoint at the Khyber Pass border for NATO supplies after an 11-day blockade, which provided easy targets for the Taliban. Pakistan forbids cross-border raids by foreign forces, seeing them as violations of the country's sovereignty, but that doesn't include the Taliban or Al-Qaeda -- they're local forces. Pakistan wants to be at the center of war and peace in that part of the world.

Taliban security & protection racket -- In southern Afghanistan, security contractors can't protect supply convoys, so insurgents -- The Taliban -- are paid off by the U.S. forces to protect against them (the insurgents) [U.S. House report].

Corporate profiteers, like Blackwater, Diligence LLC, and Science Applications International Corporation (SAIC), are historically analyzed in a two-part report by Global Research and The Foreign Policy Journal. U.S. contractor The Louis Berger Group of New Jersey built a health clinic in Qalai Qazi, Afghanistan with non-functioning or leaking plumbing and a flimsy flume chimney that could set fire to the roof [CorpWatch report]. But the Berger Group is not one of the big dogs. Here's the big dogs -- the top 100 defense contractors. For comparison, here are world defense expenditures.

Cost of the war in Afghanistan: $340,939,897,859.
Cost of the war in Iraq: $ 751,799,716,515.

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Music Associations: Dire Straits - Money For Nothing; Flying Lizards - Money; Steve Miller - Take The Money And Run; The O’Jays - For The Love Of Money; Pink Floyd - Money



Habitats
October 9, 2010

Been too busy with Habitat for Humanity to notice a habitat decline of a native population: duck hunters.

Duck hunter populations have been halved over the past three years.

The DNR speculates that wetland decline may have contributed to the loss of duck hunters. Other factors may include the economy and duck hunter breeding.

"Young duck hunters aren't appearing in the numbers they once were," a DNR statistician reported. "Maybe it's fewer wetlands... or that funding has dried up for breeding programs. Certainly Elmer Fudd is not the household name he once was."  Duck season began October 2nd.

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Music Association: Dido - Hunter



Lumber, The President, & Tom Petty
October 6, 2010

Some guys go to a lumberyard for some wood. One of them goes in to buy it. The guy asks for some wood. They ask him, "What type and what size?" "I'll check," he says and goes out. A few minutes later he comes back in and says, "I'd like some pine four by twos." They ask, "Don't you mean two by fours?" "I'll check," he says. A few minutes later he comes back in and says, "Yeah, two by fours." They ask, "How long do you want them?" He says, "I'll check." Ten minutes later he comes back in and says, "A long time. We're building a house!"

I got my picture taken with President Carter today and shook hands with Rosalynn Carter. President Carter told a story about building 100 homes in five days in Lonavala near Mumbai, India. He said, "Brad Pitt showed up and so did more than 2,000 volunteers, most of them women, who got the job done in four days."

Meanwhile, I'm working two stories up on a ladder today, and the radio decides to play Tom Petty's song Free Fallin'.
Funny.

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Music Association: Tom Petty - Free Fallin'




Working on the Highways and Byways
October 5, 2010

Yesterday was World Habitat Day, and I've been working with the Habitat for Humanity on a house in Minneapolis. It's all part of the Jimmy & Rosalynn Carter Work Project 2010 taking place this week in five cities hard hit by foreclosure: Washington DC, Annapolis, Baltimore, Minneapolis, St. Paul, and Birmingham.

Here's how the road looked in the middle of the night from Sunday's zip-in-zip-out trip to Chicago.

Looking around Chicago for a few hours, it was just the way I left it, only different.

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Music Associations: Sam Cooke - Chain Gang; The Cars - Drive





September 30, 2010

I can never stay awake while reading the journal Sleep.  All month I've been picking up the September issue and turning to my bookmark resting on page 1147. The title of the article on page 1147 is Separating the Contribution of Glucocorticoids and Wakefulness to the Molecular and Electrophysiological Correlates of Sleep Homeostasizzzzzzzzzzzzzz z z z zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

I can never get past the title.

Most of the articles in Sleep are about sleep disorders. That's the antithesis of my problem. I am very orderly about my sleep. If you read my novel, you could infer that my sleep is highly organized. My issue is dreams. If an issue of Sleep talked about dreams that fit my experiences and then went the next step, I would be wide-awake reading it.

Essentially I'm dreaming of an issue of Sleep that would take my dreams to a next level.

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Music Association: Molly Hatchet - Dreams I'll Never See




September 29, 2010

Yesterday morning the Mississippi River at St. Paul was just above 11 feet. Flood level is 14 feet. The river is expected to crest at 18 feet on Saturday.

They say the Mississippi River is fresh water. I disagree. This is last week's rain water that's coming downstream. It's old water. The music association isn't Stormy Weather. The weather forecast for the Twin Cities calls for either sun or sun with clouds for the rest of the week.


Old water or not, cars are not boats. If you disagree, you'll need to get your car licensed as a watercraft before hitting the water.

The Minnesota Department of Transportation has the most up-to-date information on road closures due to flooding. Check before you drive by web or by dialing 511.

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Music Association: Talking Heads - Take Me To The River






Change the World - Part II
September 27, 2010

Hey-whoa, I thought the issue of Palestinian settlements had until the 30th to be settled. Let me check my calendar. Yes, it's the 27th. Maybe it was the 30th on the Hebrew calendar. The good news is that so far the Palestinians haven't walked out on the talks. The bad news is that it doesn't sound like they are getting anywhere. And apparently the U.S. isn't putting pressure on Israel to extend the freeze on construction in the West Bank. The freeze should continue. I'm an expert at freezes (all Minnesotans are). I'll go.

 I'll say, "No, the bulldozer won't operate in a freeze without costly modifications. You'd need an entirely different grade of oil that's not available in your part of the world. We'd have to ship oil from the northern United States." [argument in Hebrew] "Yes, I suppose Siberia would have 5W30. They might even have 4W30."

And speaking of freezing, the Arctic will be again. The ice cap melted down to its minimum size this month, but not as small as its record minimum in 2007. That could be good news, but I think their math is wrong, so it may be just the appearance of good news until NASA's math is graded. (Am I the only one checking the math at Arctic Sea Ice News?!?)

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Music Association: Phineas & Ferb - Somebody Give Me A Grade



Change the World
September 24, 2010

The job of news is to be current, not most important, whether the scale is local, national or international. If I were to pick the most important news story of today it would be the Israeli - Palestinian peace talks, which could change the world.

The best sum up at the moment is at The Economist. But the context and ramifications were painted very clearly by King Abdullah II of Jordan from last night's The Daily Show and extended interview.

The king of Jordan explains the context that Jordan is between Iraq and a hard place and quotes that there's "enough religion in this world for us to hate each other, but not enough religion for us to love one another."

The deadline on the issue of settlements is September 30th. If that deadline passes without a resolution, the talks will end. If the talks end, the king believes war will breakout by the end of the year. The United States will become involved in the fight.

The U.S. doesn't sit out of many wars.

And the moderates will disappear within the next ten years.

On the other hand, if the talks lead to the creation of a Palestinian state, the two country solution, there will be peace; all Muslim nations (including Iran) signed the Arab peace proposal-initiative stating that if Israel creates a Palestinian state, the Arab nations will recognize Israel. And Iran "cannot play mischief" anymore, because the first people that would ask Iran why they are threatening Israel would be the Palestinians themselves. The global issues of Al-Qaeda and Iran would be defused.

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Music Associations: Beatles - Day In The Life  "I read the news today, oh boy."
Eric Clapton - Change The World


Chili Interview
The Vikings Sit Out September
September 22, 2010

"It's not that we're sitting out September," Coach Chili said recently.

"Look. It's a long season. You know that, and I know that. We're pacing ourselves."

After a pause, he continued, "Watch the crowd. Look at the percentages. A lot of people clear out before the end of the game.

"We did that at the end of last season. This year we're clearing out at the start."

Chili did a cough-and-throat-clearing-hack. "We'll still play. I'll conjecture that Favre will still taunt the opponent with the ball... ah... he'll say, 'Want the ball? Want the ball? You know you want it.' 
"Adrian Peterson will still run without letting his feet touch the ground, as if he's Superman, you know. We'll still do that thing... ah... where we play a great Vikings moment and the play-by-play and have a fan try to match it, you know, letting the radio people know that they're replaceable.

"The cheerleaders won't be spinning around in circles as much, you know, so they won't tire as quickly.

"We want the team to be healthy. We want the players to be healthier. And we want their minds to be healthiest."

Chili hacked and continued, "What we figured out after [the last season] was that we prepared for the season not the Super Bowl. We decided, what the heck, let's try it the other way around."


The Vikings play the Detroit Lions at the Metrodome on Sunday, September 26th.

---

Music Association: Zombies - Time of the Season







At Center
The Marching Band Refused To Yield
September 21, 2010

The Minnesota Vikings may sign WR Vincent Jackson from the San Diego Chargers. Jackson is an unsigned, restricted free-agent with a suspension for personal conduct and substance abuse.

But before the ball gets to the wide receiver or even to quarterback Brett Favre, the ball starts with center Jon Cooper. Cooper wasn't getting the ball cleanly to Favre on Sunday against the Dolphins. There wasn't a fumble, but the snaps didn't look solid.

And yet the league just retired a center who went to the 2010 Pro Bowl -- Kevin Mawae. Mawae retired this month, saying "It's kind of befuddling to me that I just came off my eighth Pro Bowl and a 16-game season, and I can't get one phone call." But the reason he isn't getting snapped up is that he's the NFL Players Association president, who has been embroiled in heated negotiations with the league for a collective bargaining agreement (CBA) and, if possible, prevent a lockout 160 days from now.

Reflecting on Sunday's game, the Vikings need to practice the Cooper-Favre combination to see if it can improve. If not, maybe a trio of Vikings players could talk Mawae out of retirement.

And while the wish list is handy, some passing plays would be good. 

Maybe my point of view is distorted from the silver tuba.

---

Music Association: Don McLean - American Pie


 


Pardon My Dolphin
The Minnesota Vikings Lose to Miami (14-10)
September 20, 2010

The first home game against the Dolphins ended in a loss for the Vikings.

A sold-out Metrodome, silver tubas, and Adrian Peterson's floating feet couldn't overcome Favre's 4 turnovers. Yet it is all part of a much wider plan, as will be explained in an exclusive interview with Coach Chili, to be reported here later this week.

On the way to the game, my inflatable Dolphin (with black Xs over its eyes) nudged some people in the crowd. I said, "Pardon my Dolphin."

---

Music Association: Incubus - Pardon Me



What's So Funny?
September 16, 2010

"As soon as you have made a thought, laugh at it." - Lao Tzu

Nothing ruins humor so much as talking about it or explaining it. I could ask if the combination of the headline and picture from Sept. 15th was funny. But I'm not going to explain the correlation.

The audience makes the laughs; the comedian doesn't.

If only comedians could get more random audiences. There are two or three audiences that are devastating to comedians:
►  needs explanation
►  comedy analysis
►  high expectations

Needs Explanation
The audience that is whispering "I don't get it" is trouble on several levels. First if they don't get it, maybe it wasn't funny. Wait for the next joke. But asking for an explanation will not help. The balloon has popped. The surprise is over. And now they are talking over the set up to the next joke, causing a problem for themselves and those around them. Not all jokes are funny to all people. Let it go.

Comedy Analysis
Comedians make the worst audiences because they are dissecting the joke while it is being told. They are plucking seeds from the flower before it has fully bloomed to take back to their own comedy field. And they tend to be jealous of the laughs their competition receives.

High Expectations
The problem with going out to see a comedian is that the audience is expecting to laugh.

If the comedian's sets don't at least match audience expectations, the comedian will bomb.

And the worst thing that can happen to a comedian, besides following a funnier or more sympathetic comedian, is to have a bad introduction. Some host will raise expectations or explain half the act, setting up the bombing run.

Recently I've seen two comedians that introduced themselves. I was pleasantly stunned. It makes far more sense than trusting someone else for the set up of the set.


Laughing is not necessarily the most important thing in the world.
Or it is.

---

Music Association: Three Dog Night - The Show Must Go Om



Hand Washing Is Higher
September 15, 2010

A recent survey observed 85% people washing their hands in restrooms, up from 77% in 2007. More people washed their hands at the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago and the Ferry Terminal Farmers Market in San Francisco, than at similar locations in New York or Atlanta, according to a survey from the American Society for Microbiology (ASM) and the American Cleaning Institute (ACI).

But are hands being dried correctly?

A study in the Journal of Applied Microbiology compared drying hands and the transfer of bacteria with:
☞ paper towels
☞ traditional hand dryers
☞ high velocity jet hand dryers

The microbiologists concluded that paper towels are most effective at reducing the transfer of bacteria. High velocity hand dryers that do not require the rubbing of hands are more effective than traditional hand dryers. The study was funded by Dyson Ltd., makers of the Dyson Airblade hand dryer; the type that you stick your hands down into the dryer while being careful not to touch the sides of the dryer while your hands are being blown around at 400 mph... that type.

---

Music Association: Kelly Clarkson - Just Wash Away



- Idiot -
September 14, 2010

I'm not the world's biggest idiot only because I'm not that competitive.

I trained my cats to think outside the cat box, so to speak. I thought training cats was a good idea. So what I have are bright creatures with all the attitudes and stubbornness of cats.

The Corn Board on the other hand wants to rename high fructose corn syrup to corn sugar, you know, to make it better without having to actually dust off the chemistry sets.

---

Music Association:  New Seekers - I'd Like To Teach My Cats To Sing;  Beatles - Fool On The Hill



Press Pass
September 13, 2010

Dr. Stan sent a message that said that people were pressing his buttons so many times that the Do Not Press label had worn away, leaving mostly just a Press.

---

Music Association: Paul McCartney - Press




Record Numbers Share Vikings Loss
September 10, 2010

Last night's Vikings loss to the Saints (9-14) was watched by 17.7 % of TV viewers (17.7 share). That's the highest rating for an opening game of the NFL season. The Vikings played a running game featuring Adrian Peterson. The Saints played a passing game.

But the game was dominated by the defenses and the offenses' tactics to manage the other team's defense. The Viking's offense was bottled up protecting Brett Favre from the Saint's defense. And the Saint's offense regularly double-covered Viking Jared Allen (defensive end).

At the start of the game, players from each team held up their index fingers in a gesture of solidarity in the face of the looming lockout, which was good. Or maybe that was my reaction because it followed the national anthem.

If you read me or know me, you know I like music... lots of music... and I have heard many creative-yet-excellent renditions of the national anthem... but Colbie Caillat's version was... a lot like the game itself. It had to happen, but you didn't have to like it.

Favre was smart. He wore earplugs.

---

Music Association: U.S. National Anthem



80 Years of Scotch Tape
September 9, 2010

Scotch tape was started 80 years ago yesterday.  
Oddly enough, tape is the traditional 80th anniversary present.

The 3M buildings in St. Paul, MN (where the magic started) are being taken down. With enough tape, the buildings could be put up again, but that's not going to happen.

---

Music Association: Bee Gees - How Can You Mend a Broken Heart; Olivia Newton-John - Magic;
Lionel Ritchie - Stuck On You; Huey Lewis - Happy To Be Stuck With You; ...



Soaring Hand
September 9, 2010

You know when you're driving along and you've got a hand out the window and you're letting it soar through the wind rushing by the car?

It's been a while since I've ridden a horse, and I was wondering if anyone ever did the soaring hand while riding a horse.

I know the physics are completely different:
•  the speed of a car vs. the speed of the horse
•  the hand out the window vs. the whole body outside
•  the horse's sideways glance that says "I'm not a car."

I was watching a Deer Tick video These Old Shoes while working on the Twin Cities Calendar for October 2010 (they will be at the Triple Rock Social Club on October 29th). The animation for the video included a guy doing the hand soaring and that just made me wonder.

---

Music Association: Deer Tick - These Old Shoes (animation by Nick McClintock)



Update: Missed Again
September 8, 2010

Asteroid 2010 RF12 has also missed hitting the Earth.

Astronomical humor: What's the difference between an asteroid and a meteor?                                        -- 49,088 miles

---

Music Association: Phil Collins - Missed Again
REM - End of the World


Near, Miss
September 8, 2010

George Carlin used to point out that a near-miss is a hit, as in: "Wow, that asteroid nearly missed the planet."

This morning's asteroid, 2010 RX30, missed the Earth by 154,000 miles at 4:51am CST. It was near, and it missed. But life gives second chances.

Asteroid 2010 RF12 is expected to miss the Earth by 49,088 miles at 4:12pm CST.

Let's all agree not to make any sudden movements this afternoon.             [Details  & map]

---

Music Association: The Carpenters - Close to You;
Cole Porter - Did You Evah  "Have you heard? It's in the stars. Next July, we collide with Mars."




Gopher Run-down
September 7, 2010

The Minnesota Gophers have won every game so far this season.

The Gophers (1-0) have a winning season, thanks to Middle Tennessee who decided not to beat them.

The Gophers play their opening home game against South Dakota at noon on September 11th.

Also: have a ball with Google balls today.

---

Music Association: Minnesota Hats Off To Thee




Good night, Summer
September 6, 2010

It's over. There's no going back. Summer is gone. It went into Labor to-Day. 

The Minnesota State Fair ends tonight to cap off the summer like a well-sealed oil well. It's a great state fair. The best state fair in the state. And it broke more attendance records this year, even though the glue was just drying on last year's attendance records.

But after a while the Corn Dogs taste just like the Pronto Pups. And one of the world's largest pumpkins looks like another of the world's largest pumpkins. And the end-over-end spinning ride is just as nauseating as the side-to-side spinning ride. So while it was a great ride, the State Fair must come to an end, and with it goes the summer.

Here comes winter's pre-season.

---

Music Association: Simon & Garfunkel - Minnesota State Fair



Instant Water -- Just Add Water
September 3, 2010

The Discovery and History Channels get funny when they wonder where the Earth's water originated. They make goofy guesses like it came from comets... tons and tons of comets... or from Mars (OK then, how did Mars get water?).  Air was from Venus and water was from Mars.

The spontaneous combustion people usually step in with theories of spontaneous hydration, quoting the Tin Man: "Suddenly, it started to rain..."

Instant water franchises are available.

But really it's all about the sun.          

Sunlight -- starlight -- does more than burn hydrogen into helium (which keeps the sun light enough to remain high in the sky all day long). Starlight also breaks up the molecules of carbon monoxide and silicon monoxide to release oxygen which (burns and) fuses with hydrogen to form water.

The hot water falls to Earth, specifically New Orleans, which explains why it's always so steamy in New Orleans and why New Orleans is always in hot water.

At least part of that description comes from Leen Decin of Belgium's Katholieke Universiteit Leuven who noticed how the water vapor around the old star IRC+10216 kept steaming up her telescope lenses. 

---

Music Association: Madonna - Lucky Star



Conan Names Show Conan
September 2, 2010

Today is 90210 day, you know 9-02-10. So it's only fitting that I pass on some TV news. Conan has named his new show Conan. It begins November 8th on TBS, which sounds like CBS when he says it. I think he's been having that dream where he thinks it's 1993 and he's David Letterman. I have that dream all the time. And when Conan writes the name, it's Conaw, which could be confusing if his show is Conaw and others on a real network name their show Conan.

---

Music Association: Genesis - Turn It On Again  "All I need is a TV show... that and the radio."




Retail Blur
HD Clothes
August 30, 2010

With Walmart and Target stores expanding their grocery and electronics sections, Best Buy plans to carry High Definition Clothes. High Definition Clothes look just like regular clothes but with greater detail. HD Clothes will retail for $79.99 with the required HD belts and accessories kit selling for $249.99. Extended warranties will be available. The extended warranties do not cover changes in fashion, or wear and tear due to running HD Clothes through a standard washing machine or wearing HD Clothes near water or in sunlight.

---

Music Association: Billie Holiday - Love For Sale


Universal Truth Number 1
August 27, 2010

Talking with Dr. Stan, he was pressing me for clues to achieving zen calm.

My first response was about the ease. When doing anything complex, it becomes easier with experience. I compared it to meeting with a patient for the first time. It might be easy for him now, but it wasn't easy when he first started. Dr. Stan said that it was difficult. There was fear of failure and fear of not being able to help the patient or connect or be respected.

I asked what his worst fear was, the worst case scenario. He said it was being told he shouldn't be a psychiatrist.

I asked, "They didn't say that did they?"
"No."
"Nor did it happen the second time nor the third --"
"It never happened."
I said, "And part of that is because they aren't thinking about you. You aren't being analyzed; they are. They are thinking about themselves. And this is a universal truth -- people aren't thinking about you. They are thinking about themselves."
"I know--"
"They are thinking that their problems are so weird and bizarre that not only will they never get help, but they will have new psychoses named after them. They are thinking about their solitary life, even in a crowd. It's either universal truth number one or it's universal truth number two."

He asked how this relates to my behavior at the airport saying, "You were relaxed. You smiled! I saw you smile! In an airport!"

I said, "When people make discoveries, usually they aren't thinking about how hungry or tired they are. They aren't thinking about their own world. They aren't thinking about themselves. Most physical discomforts are only temporary; they will go away and aren't worth thinking about." He interjected a comment about my being young. I continued, "Being tired or hungry will also go way. Like other forms of meditation, the needs of the body are let go."

"You weren't meditating..." he replied.

"Actually I was. I just wasn't showing any sign of it. Outward visible signs of meditation, sitting a certain way... palms together... chanting... staring up or staring down... bowing the head... are unnecessary conventions... advertisements of what you are doing. They are ways of saying, 'Follow me.' Well, I'm not looking for followers. I'm just -- and this is the weird part -- I'm just taking advantage of a wait. I am pleasantly surprised at being able to wait. Because I can meditate.

"Once I realize I can meditate I try to find an out-of-the-way spot. The waiting area may be an empty room, but that would be me at the back. I can sit. I can stand. Sitting is better, but it works either way.  Then I let everything go. And I start to think in abstracts. Or I don't think at all."

Dr. Stan asked, "Wait. You let everything go. How did you let everything go?"

"I dunno. Practice. Early on, I would dismiss thoughts and feelings one at a time. Later, I dismissed them in like groups. Now it's like a simple light switch. At first it was tough and zen it's easy."

---

Music Association: Fine Young Cannibals - Drives Me Crazy



The Cost of Attention
August 26, 2010

Dr. Stan found out what my stats are like, that people are reading this, and wants clarifications. He says that psychiatry involves listening and applying a structure of knowledge and background information to what is heard. While listening, he can keep his mind clear by jotting notes on his phone and sometimes checking the news, weather, and sports scores. He said other things, but I wasn't paying attention.

I was sketching on watercolor paper. I'll have to write a note on the cover of the tablet -- Never Sketch on Watercolor Paper. Sketching is fine. Erasing is like painting with gray.

This is for the airport terminal painting. One of my sketches has sunlight glimmering off a landing plane in the distance. The plane is too big for the perspective. In the foreground is a large vertical screen of a talking skeleton holding a briefcase. Behind the screen is a figure laying on a conveyor belt, holding a briefcase, and about to enter a tube. The tube forms a halo about the head of the figure.

I couldn't decide if the painting would be realistic or futuristic. I decided on futuristic, because if I wanted realistic, I could just snap a picture.

I figured that people would like to hold onto their stuff and keep their shoes on, so the natural next step in airport security is to put people on conveyor belts with shoes on and luggage in hand. Plus when people recognize the facial recognition fraud, the next plot will involve reading anger through the use of an fMRI. Of course the fMRI will make people pretty angry, so there will be the usual false positives. False positives is a Carlinism for mistakes, just as near miss is a Carlinism for a hit.

Dr. Stan thanked me for listening.

---

Music Association:  Van Halen - Jump  "I get up, and nothing gets me down."



I'm Thinking About Doing Some Painting
August 25, 2010

What should I paint?

I'm thinking about doing a painting of an airport terminal frozen in a snapshot of time.

Dr. Stan and I met at the airport a while back and have stayed in touch ever since, finding ways to help each other from time to time. That airport experience was one where I used zen calm. At first I was running a mental tally of --  Hang on while I give you an overview. This should help you to understand what I want to paint.

Airports might seem to be the most advanced form of torture yet devised. But that implies a concerted effort to make travelers uncomfortable. Airport workers are not trying to make travelers any more uncomfortable than the workers themselves already are. And the travelers are aware of what is happening to others around them wondering if the same thing will happen to them. Group anxiety occurs at airports on a higher level than lion cubs surrounded by hyenas. Antiperspirant scientists have shuttered their labs and have received security clearances to interview and experiment on air travelers as they see fit.

So I was keeping a mental tally of discomforts, while someone in a lab jacket with a Secret logo on it probed the armpit of a frequent flyer, and I was trying not to look at other travelers. I figure there is enough privacy invasions without my looking around. But then people's complaints got really loud as if to say, "Why won't anyone pay attention to me?!?"

My mental tally ran out of room or something, and I started looking around and sharing my calm perseverance. And after noticing about eleven people, there was Dr. Stan, displaying the same calm look as I had. He later told me that he was absorbing my calm. I never asked him if all psychiatrists do that; I figure some do and some don't.

After a few hours of flight delays, he and I started talking. I explained that my calm wasn't detachment exactly, that I had compassion for the other travelers, the airport workers, and the antiperspirant researchers.

He asked me what medications were involved because it didn't seem to be wearing off. I said no medications, and he said, "If you could bottle it, you'd make a fortune."

I explained that some people can fall asleep quickly, others can get angry quickly, and I find my zen-like calm quickly. For me, it's as easy as turning on a mental TV that babysits my mind.

After that discussion I changed the subject and asked him, "Dr. Stan, were Pakistan and Afghanistan named after you?" He agreed and has been telling people that ever since.

---

Music Association: Frank Sinatra - Fly Me To The Moon





Silly Ol' Bears
Jar Head Bears
August 20, 2010

Commercial kitchens are leaving big plastic jars around, the kind that had mayonnaise or pickles in them. And bears are getting stuck and wandering around with the plastic jars on their heads -- unable to eat or drink and breathing air with reduced oxygen.

It just happened in central Florida near Weirsdale and in northwestern Ontario on Lambert Island near Thunder Bay. It also happened in 2008 in Frazee, Minnesota just southeast of Detroit Lakes. From there the stories diverge.

In Florida, a bear cub was saved 10 days after it was first spotted with the plastic jar on its head. Mike Orlando, yes that's his real name, tranquilized the mother bear, scared the three little bears, wrestled with the jarhead cub... here's Mike Orlando telling the story. The end result was that the family of four bears were released after an overnight of observation. Miami Herald

In Ontario, the bear was seen with the jar on it and then the jar was found with bear fur but no bear. Two weeks before the bear was spotted on Lambert Island it was seen in a dump in Hurkett, Ontario, 30 miles away. The bear got around. Here's the speculation:
*   The bear was in a terrible pickle.
*   The bear used the jar as an underwater breathing apparatus to fish in Thunder Bay. (Jarhead is a slang term for Marines.)
*   Bare in mind that the bear would have trouble getting his bearings as the jar would have distorted his vision.
*   The bear was doing an imitation of Winnie The Pooh.
*   He was practicing to be the First Bear in Space.
*   This is precisely why I only buy bear-safe pickle jars.
*   In case of emergency, break glass.
*   Warning chimes, "Your head is ajar."
*   Yogi made a boo boo.
*   Guess he was smarter than the average bear.
*   It wasn't stuck; it was a fashion statement.
*   One good sneeze is all it took.
*   Must have been a jarring ordeal.
*   Hopefully the bear recycled the jar and wasn't a litter bear.
*   Another grizzly tale comes to an end. It must have been unbearable.
*   This is barely news.
The Internet is great at speculation. CBC, TB News with Andrea Kostanowicz

In Minnesota, the bear with the jar on its head was shot, you know, because it was endangering... well... it could have... um, hit people firmly with a plastic jar. StarTrib

---

Music Association: Elvis Presley - Teddy Bear



Sociology
Gender Differences
August 19, 2010

Snakes. Check. Snails. Check. Puppy dogs tails. Check. And yet according to the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, the differences between the genders are not as significant as previously thought.

I'm glad the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships was around to let us know.

I'm canceling my subscription.

Did they study the opening of pickle jars as a difference? No.

Did they study the physical differences as illustrated in the accompanying photo? No.  -- One has glasses; the other wears a hat.

Did they diagram the complexities of gender perceptions of relationships? No.  (That's for the beer companies.)

Did I bother to read their study? No. And the reason I didn't even speedread their study was that it did the usual simple study of a captive audience that is in no way representative of any wider population.

---

Music Association: Percy Sledge - When a Man Loves a Woman




August 18, 2010

Bret Favre arrived just yesterday he came to town in the usual way a private jet and an SUV that's really all anyone has to say The news has been talking as if it's unknown Will he return to play ball? Yes. You know he's gonna still play ball He's not too old He had ankle surgery They wrapped it up in purple and gold

Bret can't retire He still has to throw and hand the ball off  maybe even put up a block The news has been talking as if it's unknown Will he return to play ball? Yes. You know he's gonna still play ball Bret, you know you're gonna still play ball

---

Music Association (to the tune of): Harry Chapin - Cat's In The Cradle





Life Assurance
August 17, 2010

Driving back into town, I'm forced to observe all the roadside memorials -- shrines to fallen Minnesotans. They make me think of insurance. Not the financial type... maybe it's not even insurance... it's assurance. There should be life assurance. For the woman that jumped off the bridge over Interstate 94, there should have been some life assurance... some sort of assurance that everything will be okay.

Insurance companies think they do that, Dr. Stan tells me, but they don't. Insurance companies are the arch enemies of Dr. Stan. He's said so. He asks me why, for insurance purposes, the replacement cost of a car is its value, but for a house it's the cost of rebuilding.

"If a disaster hits, am I really going to want to build a new house?" he asks. "Wouldn't it be better to just buy an existing house? I wouldn't have them build a new car from scratch."

I mentioned to him that with a house, the land is part of the cost. You always have the land.

"Right. And whatever part of the house is left."

I know better than to agree with him when he gets into this sort of tirade, but I agree.

"That's where the trouble begins. There's a house in my neighborhood that I looked at before I bought this one. Really nice. Looked brand new. Even their furniture looked new. But something didn't look quite right."

Deciding to play along, I guessed, "There was no land. No yard. It was in a big hole."

"No. No, but the whole deal wasn't on the level. It was tilted. It was a fun house."

I replied, "You should have bought it. You need more fun in your life."

"I went down to the basement. It was ridiculous. It was about four feet tall. I could hardly get in there. You would've been way too tall. There had been a fire. The whole house burnt down. But the insurance company figured that enough of the basement survived, so they built over the existing basement, even though it wasn't all there and what was there was not structurally sound enough to hold the weight of the rebuilt house. Put that onto your website and post it."

---

Music Association: 38 Special - Caught Up In You


Excellent Weekend For Camping
August 13, 2010


Okay, so today is Friday the 13th. Who cares? Are you superstitious? Neither am I. There have barely been enough good camping weekends this summer, what with fixed jet streams drying up Russia and flooding China and Pakistan and alternating between baking and boiling Minnesota. It's been unbearable.

It's time to pitch the tent.

I don't mean get rid of it. I mean it's time to set it up. And what better setting than the National Parks, which happen to be free this weekend. Free to set up camp. Free to build a fire. Free to count the stars. Free to be at peace with nature. It's great to be free!

---

Music Association: The Troggs - Wild Thing



Do Bad Dreams Go To [H-E-double pine trees]?
August 12, 2010

Apparently I'm an unpaid consultant for Dr. Stan. He calls me because I'm the only person he knows that has a longer attention span than he has. He wonders out loud how I can be so calm, patient, and focused. I've tried to tell him about zen, but he shuts me up by asking me point blank, "What is zen?" I can never answer him. He stops any metaphors I start by saying, "A zen master would know how to explain zen." I disagree, but he's already rubber stamped me -- Zen Wannabe -- and moved on to his usual unload.

One of his patients podcasts sessions to Dr. Stan's iPhone. The patient described a dream about crawling in a hot cave that reeked of industrial cleaning fluids. A red five-foot scorpion crawled ahead, whipping its red snake-like tail behind. At the end of the tail was a double-headed ax. The ax would hit a person clinging to a stalactite, chopping them and the stalactite down. The open remains of the stalactite spat out flames. The floor of the cave was littered with bones, bodies, scorpion droppings, and those "Do Not Remove" warning tags. Whenever the scorpion swung its tail, everyone crawling behind it would stop and duck.

One time, the scorpion swung its tail and missed a guy clinging to a stalactite. Again and again the tail swung. The guy was bending the stalactite to avoid the tail. The scorpion turned to face him. The scorpion had a heavy bald head resting on a stack of chins. The scorpion talked in phrases that made no sense but were devastating to the guy on the stalactite. He aged, turned to dust, and showered down as ashes all over.

Now the really weird part of all of this was that while people are being cut down and fire was shooting out from broken stalactites, two of the scorpion's legs were carrying a handheld device and typing e-mails he never sent.

And the patient wanted a brief explanation of what his dream meant.

---

Music Association: Molly Hatchet - Dreams I'll Never See



What Is The Price of Free?
August 11, 2010

The New York Times has a story and a graphic explaining how oil came from microorganisms living in the sea. News stories like that are non-events, but like the oil, it still came from somewhere.

Who would gain from emphasizing the connection between oil and sea-life?

Everything has its price, whether it's free oil (inside every specially marked package of Gulf seafood!) or free ice cream. Yes, you too can get free ice cream at Baskin Robbins in Australia, thanks to Katy Perry. So if you want to fly out to Sydney or Melbourne, the ice cream is on Katy.

Most people will not rush to get free crude (either with seafood or straight from the Gulf) or free ice cream. Much closer to home, most people didn't vote in yesterday's Minnesota primary. Of the 3.8 million registered voters in Minnesota, about 235,000 voters or 6.18% voted. I've been asked to wonder how many people would vote by phone if there was a way to prevent voting fraud.

Dr. Stan has been pressuring me to advocate voting by phone, saying I reach many more people than he does. He uses his phone to take notes during his sessions. He uses it to check his e-mails during his sessions, as well as checking the weather report, scheduling tee times or tea times -- he didn't specify, and ordering groceries. He would've voted by phone if he had an app for that.

---

Music Association: Lynyrd Skynyrd - Free Bird



8 - 9 - 10
August 9, 2010

It's hot in the Twin Cities with forecasts predicting 90 degree temperatures every day this week. But it's been hotter. The record temperature for the Twin Cities was 108° back in the record setting summer of 1936. Elsewhere the record setting hot is right now.

It's been record setting hot in Moscow, which reached 102°, and where smoke from wildfires has doubled the average number of deaths each day to 700. Here's the Russian smoke and heat statistics.

In northwest Greenland, a giant ice island, four-times the size of Manhattan, broke off from the Petermann Glacier on August 5, 2010, and headed for an enormous ice tea glass.

national hottest records
117.7° was Chad's hottest national temperature in history on Tuesday, June 22, 2010
108° was Columbia's hottest national temperature in history on Sunday, January 24, 2010
125.6° was Iraq's hottest national temperature in history on Wednesday, June 14, 2010 (let's get our soldiers home)
126.7° was Kuwait's hottest national temperature in history on Tuesday,  June 15, 2010
116.6° was Myanmar (Burma)'s hottest national temperature in history on Wednesday, May 12, 2010
128.3° was Pakistan's hottest national temperature in history on Wednesday, May 26, 2010 (possibly 129° on June 1st)
122.7° was Qatar's hottest national temperature in history on Wednesday, July 14, 2010
111.2° was Russia's hottest national temperature in history on Sunday, July 11, 2010
125.6° was Saudi Arabia's hottest national temperature in history on Tuesday, June 22, 2010
121.3° was Sudan's hottest national temperature in history on Friday, June 25, 2010     [source]

Monsoon floods in Pakistan, mudslides in China, the floods in Tennessee -- just adding water doesn't help the heat.

Dr. Stan says that global warming is an analogy for a desire to return to the womb. He also believes that I misrepresented him in my prior post. I asked him if I misquoted him. He said no, but it was as if he wasn't responding to anything I was saying. I agreed, he wasn't, but I wasn't responding to anything he was saying either. So we're even.

---

Music Associations: The Beatles - Here, There, and Everywhere; Kool and the Gang - Too Hot; The Lovin' Spoonful - Summer In The City; Martha Reeves & The Vandellas - Heat Wave


Whether Map
August 5, 2010

I got a text message yesterday morning from a doctor friend who wanted to discuss the Music Coma story from a few days ago. I counter-asked if depressions occur more in the tropics.
 
Dr. Stan asked, "Like a tropical depression?"
I said, "Exactly."

He said, "I would like you to expand on the whole need-interest-enjoyment IQ enrichment discussion."
I said, "Maybe all depressions start in the Sahara."

He said, "I question the IQ as a gauge of development over instilling values and morals."
I said, "Because when they show the mid-Atlantic weather rolling off Africa, it's completely Saharan."

He said, "After the basic needs are met, the child needs to grasp social interactions and values more than complex problem solving. Otherwise what is the point to making a child more intelligent than the parent?"
I said, "If I lived in the Sahara, I'd probably be depressed."

He said, "I'm not trying to discredit early introductions to music or art, but I'd rather see a focus on sociological values in a child's cognitive structure."
I said, "Michael Palin's Sahara didn't seem at all depressing the first time I watched it on TV or on the DVD. Then I watched all the DVD extras, you know... the best stuff, the best scenes that they delete from movies and shows and all the behind-the-scenes explanations... and I found out that Palin was sick for several days at the beginning of the Sahara trip. It was a testament to his strength of character that he didn't let his own situation impact the show."

He said, "Of course, there is no push button solution for a parent trying to instill values in a child. It's not like slapping in Mozart. It's not that easy."
I said, "What's weird about the Sahara is that there are huge underground aquifers underneath the sand, with oases as the only surface sign of what lies underneath. Maybe that's a metaphor."

His last message, this morning, said, "I wondered whether there would be value to a discussion of values in your posts."
I said, "I'll post this discussion."

---

Music Association: Kansas - Dust in the Wind


Blackberry Seeds
August 4, 2010

Blackberry seeds gettin' stuck in my teeth
I can't get them out with my tongue
or my fingernails
I can't think of anything else until I get them out

Blackberry seeds
Blackberry seeds
Really stuck in between my teeth

Blackberry seeds are stuck in my teeth
Raspberry seeds don't get stuck so much
as these seeds
These blackberry seeds are a real pain

Blackberry seeds
Blackberry seeds
Damn this Yoplait yogurt anyway

Blackberry seeds stuck in my teeth
Got so stuck I can't even floss
there isn't room
Maybe BP should use these things to cap the well

Cap the well
Cap the well
BP should use these to cap the well

---

Music Association (to the tune of): The Beatles - Blackbird



Favre Retires 3rd Time?
Vikings Coach Hasn't Heard Anything
August 3, 2010

According to rumors, Bret Favre is retiring from football again.
However Vikings Coach Childress hasn't heard anything
and isn't pressuring Favre for a decision. [video]

---

Music Association: Honeydogs - Rumor Has It


Make Your Own Glass
August 3, 2010

When so many people are making movies and getting injured, it's time to shatter one of the myths of movie making: that's not really glass that they're breaking.

A man in a fight carefully, very-carefully picks up a bottle and then smashes it over someone's head. The bottle is made of candy glass. The stunt is just as much picking up the bottle without breaking it as it is breaking the bottle over someone's head. Often the scene will be cut so that the bottle being picked up is real, but the bottle that breaks is fake.

Alfonso's Breakaway Glass in Sun Valley, California sells a candy glass beer bottle for $18 plus shipping. They also have those expensive Ming vases (paint not included) that always seem to get knocked over.

If breaking one bottle or one glass window is funny, then breaking many must be hilarious!

So that you don't spend your entire YouTube production budget on the fine breakables here's how to make a candy glass bottle or a glass window, saving money for hiring a stunt crew. The ingredients are water, sugar, corn syrup, cooking spray, and cream of tartar (which is with the spices, not the cream or the tartar sauce). Get ready to make a mess.

In the world of unbreakable glass, Corning came up with Gorilla Glass in 1962, but only now is it being tapped on, so to speak, for indestructible HDTVs, monitors, and handhelds. Critics are quick to point out that the shelf life for these devices are shorter than the life of a beer bottle in a movie bar fight. A better solution would be to make those devices out of candy glass.

I gotta go; my PDA is biodegrading.

---

Music Association: Blondie - Heart of Glass



Music Brings Girl Out Of Coma
and Other Music News
August 2, 2010

Six year old Radhika was in a coma at India's Thiruvananthapuram Medical College Hospital. The doctors couldn't figure out how to bring her out of her coma, until Dr. Girija Mohan tried music therapy -- playing her favorite song and similar music on a bedside speaker. Her first words were, "Could we please listen to something else?"

Those weren't actually her first words, or at least I don't know what she said when she woke up, but this is another success for music therapy. I attended a lecture about the benefits of music therapy several years ago. As with most things, I think success depends upon the individual and their connection to music.

Selecting the correct music is also important. Classical music is not - I repeat - not a one-size fits all solution. Many parents played classical music to their babies due to the alleged Mozart Effect, that would increase IQ as a result of playing classical music. And yet there is no proof to that theory. Providing mental challenges and interesting environments of any design might increase anyone's IQ, provided there is some combination of need-interest-enjoyment. Or the music could be a distraction, like background music when someone is trying to study.

---

Music Association: Steeley Dan - Reelin' In The Years    
"You've been telling me you're a genius since you were 17. In all the time I've known you, I still don't know what you mean."
Music Association:  Louis Armstrong - Wonderful World
"I hear babies cry. I watch them grow. They'll learn much more, than I'll ever know."


Naïve
July 29, 2010

Have you ever noticed as you're walking on a beach how the sand squeaks? I have. And if I swivel my foot as I take a step, the sand squeaks even more. It's not an unpleasant squeak... at least not to me.

Maybe some people find the squeaky sand annoying. They think that others are annoyed too. They decide to do something about it. And how do you fix a squeak? That's right, with a little oil. But what if that little squeak runs around the Gulf of Mexico?

I think that's what happened. It will all come out in court. One of the defendants from BP or Transocean or Cameron or Halliburton will say, "Your honor, if I could make a statement?" And in the finest tradition of legal television, the judge will allow the following statement, "I was walking along the beach one day, pondering how to be a 21st century hero, and even though the wind was calm and the waves were quiet, an annoying squeak was following me. Everyone enjoying the beach, all the people and the shore birds and the sea turtles, all stopped what they were doing to stare at me, as if to say, 'Cut it out Mister Squeaky.' I decided right then and there that I would oil all the beaches of the Gulf of Mexico. And that's what I did."

Some people think the worst of people. I don't. I expect the best from people. I don't think I'm being naïve. I think I'm being optimistic. Maybe some people just don't like squeaky sand. And maybe they want to be heroes.

---

Music Association: Five For Fighting - Superman  "It may sound absurd, but don’t be naïve..."



Getting Dark
Gulf of Mexico: Half Full or Half Empty?
July 28, 2010

Concerns that Too Big To Fail might become a business school strategy are being washed aside as BP seeks to sell off Risk Board sized assets like Indonesia and Africa.

BP will be selling $30 billion in assets over the next 18 months, and more than just assets, as their liabilities for safety issues at other rigs and production facilities will be sold off as well. Buyer beware. This is Day 100.

Here are the numbers so far:
3 million to 5.2 million barrels of oil discharged into the Gulf (Exxon Valdez spilled 750,000 barrels)
11 workers killed on Deepwater Horizon on April 20, 2010
638 miles of oily Gulf Coast (362 in Louisiana, 109 in Mississippi, 70 in Alabama, and 97 miles in Florida)
$9.9 billion US tax loss to offset BP costs
$930,000 annual pension for Tony "I'd like my life back" Hayward starting Oct. 1, 2010
40 percent of BP's market value has been lost since the disaster
50 percent of the market value of Transocean Ltd (owner of Deepwater Horizon) has been lost since the disaster
18 percent of the market value of  Cameron International (manufactured the blow-out preventer)
14 percent of the market value of Halliburton (production casing contractor) (lost 40% of its value but has since recovered)
3 government agencies from the old Minerals Management Service (why does the US govt. get larger after each disaster?)
42,000 oil wells have been drilled in the Gulf of Mexico

---

Music Association: The Kooks - Naïve  "I may say it was your fault, because I know you could have done more."


Keep It Light
A Light Rail Named Desire
July 27, 2010

The original light rail named Desire ran down Bourbon Street to Desire to Canal Street in New Orleans from 1920 to 1948. There were plans to reintroduce the Desire Line to New Orleans, but Hurricane Katrina derailed those plans.

A Streetcar Named Desire is playing at the Guthrie Theater (July 3-August 29) with Gretchen Egolf as Blanche DuBois, Ricardo Antonio Chavira as Stanley Kowalski, and Stacia Rice as Stella Kowalski. [Twin Cities Calendar for July 2010]

Stella: "Don't you think your superior attitude is a little out of place?"
Stanley:  "Hey Stelllllllllllaaaaaaa!!!"

---

Music Association: Varsouviana Polka



Keep It Light
Central Corridor Light Rail
July 26, 2010

"I'm walking on University Avenue and... I know they say this won't happen... but two light rail trains side-by-side are coming right at me. I've got nowhere to go. There is no room between the buildings on either side of University Avenue except for these two trains that are coming for me. There's nowhere to run to... there's nowhere to hide!"

Sound familiar?

Hundreds of people believe the Central Corridor will look like the picture on the right, and that's just not so.  University Avenue is plenty wide, wide enough to handle cars, trains, foot-traffic, and maybe even a small runway for business class and commuter planes.

"We're handling the trains first. Planes are in a holding pattern," one Central Corridor planner was misunderstood to have said.

And yet while originally the Central Corridor planners said that there would be plenty of room on University Avenue for nearly all its current parking spots, pedestrian crossings, and 16A buses, all that has changed. The Central Corridor people have updated their response to questions about the congestion by saying, "Two trains leave the Twin Cities, one from Minneapolis and one from St. Paul. At what point during the eleven mile trip between will they get stuck between all the businesses and the cars and the 16A buses and everything else?" I said I didn't know. They said, "Take your time. We'll send you a map to help you figure it out."

Here's the map that they sent.

Some of the cool new things on the drawing board are a Wonderland Park, T.C.R.T. Shops at University and Snelling, some Base Ball Parks, and two alternate routes between the Twin Cities. The southern route will run along Lake Street in Minneapolis and use Marshall and Selby in St. Paul. The northern route will use Como Avenue and the Central Avenue bridge, not to be confused with the Central Corridor which will not use the Central bridge but will instead use the Washington Avenue bridge. Start seeing construction.

---

Music Association:  Duke Ellington - Take The A Train

Start Seeing Headlights

July 23, 2010

A recent WSJ story, "Is the economy a deer in headlights or roadkill?" proves that economists still have jobs despite their tendency to be wrong. Most economists shouldn't be trusted to toss a salad. The economy is far more complex than can be understood by a few simple indicators like employment rates.

Some states and some employment sectors are doing great. Some aren't. We're clearly in a recovery, but it is equally clear that the recovery is moving slowly. Warren Buffet recently told President Obama that the economy is back 40 to 50 percent.

A rosy picture? Don't make Einstein laugh. The economy has a long way to go.

On the bright side, some people, like the listy people at Business Week, think we will help lead the recovery, listing Minneapolis as number 6 in their best cities for new college grads. And CNN-Money lists Eden Prairie as the number 1 place to live. We'll see what we can do.  

My Recipe

The recovery is not going to come from: 1.  Economic stimulus money 2.  Unemployment benefit extensions 3.  Capital gains tax reductions 4.  Large corporations

Of those four potential sources of the recovery, only the economic stimulus money would have a chance, but that would require the money to be used for long term, necessary public projects that could fuel business, such as new heat pumps, improvements to the power grid (especially for the NE U.S.), improved solar cells, and (gasp) new nuclear power plants.

The recovery depends on:
1.  Small businesses & their bank loans

---

Music Association: Journey - Lights


China, Must You Be So Competitive?!?
July 22, 2010

     You use energy
     You have coal fired power plant pollution
     You have an oil spill

Some competitions aren't worth winning.

---

Music Association: Crystal Gayle - Don't It Make My Yellow Sea Black


Every Picture is a Metaphor
July 20, 2010

It's a metaphor, I proclaim
that's what we learn
life is a game
now it's your turn.

---

Music Association: Joe Walsh - Life's Been Good



Fun Sociological Experiment
July 16, 2010

Society was meant to be teased, or at least the good people at the Gas Lite karaoke bar in Santa Monica, CA were meant to be teased. Recently a group from a frozen foods convention went to the Gas Lite to slaughter some songs.

Then they tried to get Karen on stage. She only sings at Christmas parties.

Karen took a lot of convincing. Karen was too shy for karaoke. But once she started singing "Who Will Save Your Soul," she was good, maybe even better than Jewel.

Click on the picture to judge Karen's singing, through the Funny Or Die video.

---

Music Association: Karen - Foolish Games


Think Winter
July 14, 2010

If you live somewhere other than Minnesota, Siberia, Canada, or Greenland this message has nothing to do with you. Please go read a book.

Cold Climate Friends in California
Cut my winter heating bills in half? Are you kidding me?!? Researchers at Purdue are developing a heat pump that is efficient in cold climates like Minnesota. They specifically reference "Minneapolis." The study is being funded by the California Energy Commission, which is very decent of them. Apparently California has solved all their problems and is working on ours. Awfully decent of them (voiced by Groucho as Rufus T. Firefly).

Geo-thermal technology has been around for a long time. At its core is the heat pump, which can't always handle our climate (like many other technologies, people, and animals).  The new type of heat pump will be cheaper to operate due to a combination of the application of the Ericsson cycle and a rotating instead of a piston-driven compressor.

The findings are being presented at the International Refrigeration and Air Conditioning Conference, the International Compressor Engineering Conference, and the International High Performance Buildings Conference, all being held simultaneously at Purdue.

Technology That Reinvents Flooring
Meanwhile, a Michigan designer has created a flooring that transfers human activity into energy.

Yes, we call that shag carpeting.

---

Music Association: Huey Lewis & the News - Power of Love


Yes, but it's a wet heat...
July 8, 2010

The air is so thick you could cut it with a knife, serve it on a plate, and eat it with a spoon while making slurping noises. And if that's what it's like in Minnesota, the rest of the country must really suck.

The local outdoor-patio restaurants give you a chilled glass and a straw. The air fills it up some percentage based not on your optimism but on the relative humidity. Relative humidity has less to do with family than it has to do with the ratio of the amount of water in the air at a given temperature over the maximum amount it could hold at that temperature, expressed as a percentage.

This here weather map shows this morning's relative humidities across the U.S. of A. It may be 88% humidity in the Twin Cities but look at all those 94s across the plains and scattered from Maine to Florida.

Then you have the dry desert southwest with its 29% humidity and I'll pass, thanks. But... the Carolinas have a patch of dry air.

Where did that come from?!? Why don't they want the same wet heat that is filling the cups of the rest of the non-desert dwelling country?!?

Are they Raleigh that dry?!?

---

Music Association: Eddie Money - Give Me Some Water & Aliens - Drip Drip Drip


Funny...
July 7, 2010

It's A Mad Mad Mad Mad World is funny like Robin Williams is funny -- occasionally. The funny moments require patience and attention, and despite the attention, you wonder about the casting choices. Were these the first choices? Not exactly...

Choices
The first choice for the roles of Melville and Monica Crump were Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney, but Judy Garland had production problems with her variety show, so she had to bow out, leaving Mickey Rooney still available. Rooney was recast as Buddy Hackett's partner. The roles of the Crumps then went to Ernie Kovacs and his wife Edie Adams. But Kovacs died in a car crash before shooting began. Edie Adams stayed in the role of Monica Crump and Sid Caesar took the role of Melville Crump. Judy Holliday was cast and was in the initial promotions for the film, but had to bow out due to her battle with cancer. Stan Laurel was contacted, but he swore to never act again after the death of Oliver Hardy. Groucho Marx reportedly wanted more money. Jerry Lewis should have wanted more money than the $500 for his cameo that he lost in a craps game run by Phil Silvers. Jackie Mason was cast as one of the gas station attendants, but he couldn't get free from his Las Vegas casino schedule. Bob Hope, George Burns, and Red Skelton each turned down roles.

Stanley Kramer, the director and producer of Mad Mad Mad Mad World, had been entangled in the red scare of the 1950s and had forced his business partner Carl Foreman out of business. His history with McCarthyism may have affected his reputation and who he could get for his movie. He apparently did not contact Lucille Ball, Charlie Chaplin, Mel Blanc, or Mike Nichols and Elaine May (the plot).

Don Rickles wanted to be in the movie but was never asked and would heckle Kramer about it whenever Kramer would see Rickles perform. These are the sorts of things I think about when watching Mad Mad Mad Mad World... except for certain scenes. 

Worth Seeing
When Jimmy Durante kicks the bucket, that's classic. I have to watch every bounce of the bucket.

The meeting of Jonathan Winters and Phil Silvers is great. In the desert, Silvers says, "Kid, move the bicycle, someone's liable to trip over it in the dark." Jonathan Winters pitches the bike into a bush and Silvers drives off.

Jonathan Winters tearing up the gas station while fighting Arnold Stang and Marvin Kaplan is worth seeing.

The cameos by Jerry Lewis, Jack Benny and his Maxwell, Jim Backus, and the Three Stooges are classic.

Sign of the Times
On November 17, 1963, the day before Mad Mad Mad Mad World opened in New York, the Cinerama Theater for the Kennedy Child Study Center held a charity gala premiere. In addition to the stars in attendance, most of President Kennedy's family was there, including Robert Kennedy and Ted Kennedy. On November 22nd, President Kennedy was assassinated. Most people saw the movie after the assassination.

---

Music Association: Beatles - Drive My Car & Stephen Sondheim - Comedy Tonight



The Plight of the Nature Photographer
June 28, 2010

Hundreds of the teeniest tiniest toads hopped hopelessly, helplessly across a local mall parking lot, being thwarted at every turn by humongous curbs and humongously ginormous vehicles.

How could nature photographers possibly help them? Nature photographers sign a declaration never to interfere with nature despite nature having already been interfered with so thoroughly that vowing not to interfere is a complete hypocrisy.

However about a hundred thirty tiny toadlets were rescued by people (who may or may not have signed the nature photographer's hypocratic declaration). The toadlets were taken to several woods and wetlands and released. One of the toads found a dime and refused to give it back when the real owner was found. (Those fingers are sticky suckers.) And several of the toadlets had to be re-rescued from a monstrous cat before being released.

Hopefully the exidous of the toads had nothing to do with predictions of any earthquakes hitting the Twin Cities.

---

Music Association: Toad the Wet Sprocket - Something's Always Wrong
Brought to you by:  the letter H and the number ginormous



Talking Dirty, Talking Oily
BP Beach Towel
June 23, 2010

What summer outing would be complete
without your very own BP terry cloth beach towel?!?
It's ready to soak up the sun... and the oil!
It's perfect for today's complex summer outings.

"Jimmy, don't leave our designated clean area!"

And the BP beach towel is made by BP
so you can assume you'll get a carefully made product.

"Jimmy, do not, I repeat, do not light the beach on fire!"

Ask for the Better Parody beach towel at your local gas station or convenience store.
You'll be glad you did.

---

Music Association: Sheryl Crow - Soak Up The Sun



Talking Dirty
The Zen of Gardening
June 21, 2010

I was talking about the zen of gardening recently, about how many people garden, but not many take a zen approach to gardening. Sitting in the garden, in the wind and the sun and the rain, we can be like the plants are... and the bugs and the other garden varmints.

For some, gardening is about control and impatience and having eight arms to grab all the weeds and chemicals to kill and chemicals to fertilize. It's about a war against nature, and it's funny but the plants end up looking like so much Fallujah rubble.

Bonsai gardening can give off the appearance of zen gardening, but it is very un-zen. It's too controlling... too conforming.

And while it is easy to say what is not zen -- reading a blog about zen gardening is so not zen -- saying what is zen is tougher.

Lay down and notice the flowers are like redwood paintbrushes trying to color the sky.

Blow off a dandelion puffball without worrying about where the seeds will fall.

Plant yourself and watch the movements of plants.

---

Music Association: Beatles - Octopus's Garden;Blue Oyster Cult - Don't Fear the Reaper;and Beatles - Let It Be


Knowledge Desserts
June 19, 2010

When I was more of a kid than I am today, I used to love dessert. I would wait for it. I would savor it.

Knowledge and insight can be like dessert for me today, so when I ran across an article in my speedreading about directing your dreams, I thought this is great! I've never heard anyone else talk about this! And I bookmarked it for later savoring.

Talk about the perfect dessert -- half my novel was about understanding and directing dreams.

Have you ever run into something that people say is dessert, but your very first bite disagrees with anything they have ever said before? That's what I tasted when I actually sat down to read the article on directing your dreams. It was about day dreaming, not sleep dreaming. Big difference! It was about the conscious mind, not the subconscious mind, not about directing dreams while sleeping, but about directing day dreams.

The concepts are related and some of the concepts have merit on their own but...

It's like someone took your favorite ten foods, mashed them, baked them, and called it cake.

---

Music Association: Donna Summer - MacArthur Park   "Someone left that [hypothetical] cake out in the rain..."


Talking Dirty
Zen Garden
June 8, 2010

On the days between my posts, I sit and reflect in quiet meditation while waiting for the next opportunity to share something with you. Part of my meditation is to mentally picture a zen garden. It is calm. Serene. Peace. It is simple wonder. .............. ............... Deciding to drag a rake through the white sand and around the gray boulders, I try to picture a zen rake...

Instead my mind pictures a Honda Hurricane Plus leaf blower, which loudly whips up the sand in a very un-zen way. I mentally erase the leaf blower and the sand drops where it wants to be. I try again to picture a zen rake.

Until the rake runs into a patch of thick black ooze. What is this? Who BP'ed in my zen garden?!? I can't believe this! It's oil. It's all over the zen sand, the zen rock, and the zen rake. It's on this zen pelican and that zen turtle. It's all over my clothes. It's all over my mind.

---

Music Association: John Lennon - Mind Games


Oil - Day 45
June 3, 2010

Can someone turn seawater into a fuel source now?!?

---

Music Association:  Alkaline Trio - Snake Oil Tanker



Wait. What?!?
May 25, 2010

I just got off the phone with the third person who's telling me I don't need a coat for Egypt. That Egypt is not cooler than Minnesota. That every time I've said it is cooler than Minnesota, they thought I was meaning hip or sick or hot or something.

What I am being told is that even though Egypt is at the north end of Africa, just like Canada is at the north end of North America and Siberia is at the north end of Asia, Egypt isn't cold like Canada or Siberia.

I'm being told that what looks like a snow cap on the top of the Great Pyramid is not a snow cap.

I am being told that the white stuff surrounding the pyramids is just bright sand.

And I am told that the people that are wrapped up to protect their skin are not preventing frostbite. They are either protecting themselves from sand and sun or they are mummies.

Apparently the pyramids were built on the edge of a desert. The land must have been cheap and available.

I sunburn at night. I can't go to a desert.

---

Music Association: Jackson Browne - Stay




Egyptian Packing List
May 24, 2010

Bring passport & copy wallet w/ Egyptian pounds iQad (phone, Egyptian numbers, maps) paper copies of correspondence video & digital cameras uni-charger dry soap, shaver tooth brush & paste biz-khaki clothes coat & gloves

Buy clothes bean bags duct tape lubricant

Like I've said, I pack light. Other people feel obligated to bring anything they might need. I don't. One of the things I learned in business school (not taught at Harvard or Northwestern) was the value of talented people. I have a crew of very talented people in Egypt, who will be more valuable than excess luggage.

---

Music Association: Jackson Brown - Load Out



Plane to See
May 20, 2010

I don't know too much about Africa. I don't know who was the greatest African philosopher. I'm not going to Google "greatest African philosopher." I don't know the deepest spot in Africa. I'm certain it will be wherever I'm standing.

I'm not touring Africa. I'm just going to the great pyramid, the Pyramid of Cheops. And I'll visit Yayat Springs. But otherwise, I'll just zip into Africa and zip out. It's like Wisconsin.

A friend tried to raise my alert spectrum to red by reminding me that I'll be going by plane.  Plane rides don't faze me. I've studied aeronautics; I understand the forces of lift, velocity, vortices, and drag. I understand how many planes are in the air and what they do to weather and atmospheric conditions. I also understand the odds of plane crashes. There have been 49 deadly plane crashes in the U.S. since 1982. And yet the chance of being killed on a flight are about 8 million to one. And only about 4% of fatalities occur during descent, which is fairly decent.

Plane travel is mostly safe. It's not like going to an air show.

---

Music Association: Lenny Kravitz - Fly Away


Africa?
May 19, 2010





Africa!
May 18, 2010




Bad Hair Day For Africa
May 17, 2010

It's Bad Hair Day... at least for me. It all started at my follicles or a follicle or one specific sebum. That sebum, on the driver's side of my head, lead to a chain reaction of hairs getting bent out of shape and going kittywampus, due (in part) to either spending time outside in the wind yesterday or due to a sleepless night last night kittywampusing.

Why the chain reaction?

Well there's the domino theory of countries falling to communism as described by President Eisenhower. Ike would've used the bad hair analogy except that he was hair challenged. So he said that if one African country fell to communism they would all fall. If one hair falls, they all fall unless there is military intervention.

If you are still trying to make sense of this, if your mouth is a-gape like the kid in the picture, just accept that it's a bad hair day for Africa. Tomorrow will be another hair day.

---

Music Association: Monkees - Tomorrow's Gonna Be Another Day


Africa!
May 16, 2010
And the lion shall lie down with the lamb. And the gazelle did lie down with the cheetah for it was tired and needed a pet. The cheetah did pet the gazelle and named it. The cheetah gave unto the gazelle a toy. And the gazelle did express interest but played with the packaging, forsaking the toy which was both expensive and non-returnable.

---

Music Association: Genesis - The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway


Africa!
May 15, 2010

---

Music Association: Tokens - Lion Sleeps Tonight

Africa?!?
May 14, 2010

A friend told me, "You realize you're going to Africa."

I told Captain Obvious, "Well, of course, I... wait... what?"

Africa.
Land of the Lion. And land of the elephant, the gazelle, the giraffe, the gorilla, and the zebra.
Noah collected all the animals but dropped them all off in Africa.

In Africa, each and every evening around prime-time, Dancing With The Stars comes on. That's when the animals dance.

---

Music Association: Toto - Africa



Plans
May 13, 2010

Plans are coming together.
I am almost shocked.

Even making up the word "Egyptianize" seems to have gone pretty well.

<Where is all this sand coming from?>

---

Music Association: The Beatles - Come Together


Pack Lightly
May 10, 2010

I am low maintenance. I travel light. Whenever I'm facing the logistics of hauling a huge metal spring halfway around the world, I stop and ask, "Why?"

Why haul equipment, when instead, relationships can be built with the fine people at Yayat Springs at El Zatoon, Cairo. With the specifications in hand, they've had no difficulties understanding my needs. They have also helped simplify and Egyptianize my plans, increasing my confidence of success.

I pack lightly, and there's a spring in my step.

---

Music Association: Mary J. Blige - Baggage


History Schmystery
May 7, 2010

Never study history -- it won't do any good.

History sums up complicated concepts in ways that are at best inaccurate and at worst absolutely false. For example, America: The Story Of Us is riding the History Channel. I stumbled upon it just in time to watch Paul Revere's ride -- the way Longfellow described it -- a stunning example of the efforts of one man, except that's not the way it happened. Many riders, including William Dawes and Paul Revere had significant rides on the night of April 18, 1775. The History Channel overstated Revere's role.

And that's why I don't know anything about Egypt, other than I need to drive on the right, have pounds in my pocket, and I know Arabic, which is more important than schmystery.

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Music Association: Cure - Speak My Language


Getting To Egypt
May 6, 2010

Someone stopped me and asked me how to get to The Ordway Center. I replied, "Practice, practice, practice."

Getting to Egypt is similar. Take it one step at a time... one block at a time.

You have to keep your eye on the Target, which is expanding its grocery operations.

In these transitory economic times, the focus turns to the essentials. The Target Corporation, whose same-stores sales fell 5.9% in April, is expanding its grocery operations to keep up with big-block rival Wal-mart and to dig in for what may be a long economic recovery. Target has 1,750 stores in 49 states. Target's large competitor Wal-mart has 7,659 stores in 15 countries. CVS with 7,000 stores in 41 states is also adding groceries to its product base.

After arriving at our economic destination, the stores may shed their groceries for less necessary, more expensive items.

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Music Association: The Raspberries - Go All The Way

Applied Physics Nudge April 26, 2010

It walks down stairs, alone or in pairs, and makes a slinkity sound. A spring -- a spring -- a marvelous thing! Everyone knows it's Slinky!  It's Slinky! It's Slinky! For fun, it's a wonderful toy. It's Slinky! It's Slinky! It's fun for a girl or a boy.

The Slinky rests at the top of the stairs. That's what things do; things rarely move on their own. It's the nudge that makes a Slinky move. The nudge to the top of the Slinky tips the balance of the spring, giving momentum and weight to the top which leans over and quickly becomes the bottom of the Slinky. When the top-turned-
bottom hits the stair, the kinetic energy is transferred up the flexible spring to the lighter top of the spring in a compression wave. The pull of the base, combined with the kinetic energy, topples the top down to the next level.

There is no substitute for the nudge. You can't drop a Slinky and expect it to step stairs as perfectly as nudging a Slinky at rest. The nudge is necessary.

Imagine setting up a demonstration with a giant Slinky, on a huge and famous landmark, only to find out that you forgot the nudge -- the force that starts the motion. That would be a disaster... or at least a disappointment to all the parties involved.                                                                                                            [Note to self: remember the nudge.]

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Music Association: Matchbox 20 - Push   "I wanna push you down..."


You Are Here →
but you knew that
April 22, 2010

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Music Association: Bob Welch - Sentimental Lady
"You Are Here and warm, but I could look away, and you'd be gone."


Traveling Music Please
Alternate Routes  →
April 20, 2010

Icelandic ash plumes over parts of Europe means taking alternate routes. The world is round. Fly the other way.

The ash map on your right shows plenty of obscured airports but also shows that southern Europe is still wide open. Think of it as a huge detour. UPS just started flying into Madrid. I've been watching air traffic net which shows all the open airports.

Initially, I thought I was going to have to fly west to get east. That won't be necessary. Now, my plan is to fly into Madrid and then change planes for Cairo. It's amazing what can be accomplished to play with a giant slinky.

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Music Association: B-52s - Lava


Traveling Music Please
Change Planes In Frankfurt or Amsterdam?
April 15, 2010

Plans are starting to get set in stone. I'm very excited.
I will be traveling to the Arab Republic of Egypt soon.
I can't tell you what I'm doing, but it involves one of
the wonders of the world and a very large Slinky.

That reminds me, I have to pack a camera.

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Music Association: Bangles -Walk Like an Egyptian  Led Zeppelin - Stairway to Heaven






Twin Cities Calendar
Twin Target Stadiums
March 31, 2010

The new Target Field is opening for spring (April 12th), and it's a nice looking field. It doesn't have the seats of the Metrodome or TCF Field, but it has twice the seats of Target Center, its next door neighbor. If Target can come up with one more stadium in a row, even a small one within Block E, then they get naming rights to Minneapolis, which will either become Targetapolis or Minneatarget. Either way, the A in the middle of Minneapolis will not change.

You can get to the ballpark by light rail, bus, or skyway -- which is funny because you don't have to step outdoors to get to the outdoor stadium.

In front of the stadium is a big golden catcher's mitt, perfect for family pictures on the way into the ballpark, and the front gates come together to form the shape of Minnesota. It's a good field. It's a cool place for baseball.

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Music Association:  Jack Norworth - Take Me Out To The Ballgame (sung by Harry Caray)
"In the seventh inning, fans all get up and sing 'Take Me Out to the Ball Game,' and they're already there. It's really a stupid thing to say, and I don't know who made 'em sing it. Why would somebody that's there get up and sing take me out to the ball game? The first person to do it must have been a moron." - White Sox Pitcher Larry Anderson






Scientific Minds
Hair Conditioner To Clean Carbon Emissions
March 25, 2010

Use more conditioner to clear the air? Yes... on an industrial scale. Formulas, similar to hair conditioner but without all the fragrances, have been found to "scrub" carbon dioxide from the gases of coal burning power plant flues, clearing the air more economically.

I missed the National Meeting of the American Chemical Society (ACS) in San Francisco this week, but thankfully this presentation by General Electric was reported by Science Daily. I hadn't planned to go because the event schedule never listed the GE presentation. If someone has notes that I could copy, I would gladly reimburse them. I am especially interested in notes or a recording from a question and answer session. I imagine it went something like this:

"Wash That Dirt Right Out Of The Air" Panel Q&A
Q: "This question is directed to the spokespeople from GE. Many scientific discoveries are happy accidents. Could you describe the process that introduced the aminosilicone formula to the emissions flue? Was someone with long hair crawling around in the flue?"
A: "Yes."
Q:  "You mentioned the removal of  fragrances commonly found in hair conditioners and fabric softeners after the discovery of the effective aminosilicone mixture. Wouldn't it be beneficial to not just scrub carbon from the emissions but to also add  pleasant smelling fragrances? Pittsburgh could smell like lilacs. Duluth could smell like coconuts. There could be a Scent Of The Day." (sniffs) "It must be Monday, blackberry sage."
A: "No..."
Q: "Advertisers could sponsor the emissions scrubbing. Saturdays could be sponsored by the scent of Pizza Hut."
A: "No."
Q: "Does this news of a cheap way of cleaning coal emissions at GE power plants (and these little promotional GE Hair Conditioner bottles) have anything to do with an on-going campaign to try to sell the myth of clean coal technologies?"
A: "That wraps up our time for questions. Let's take a break and be back in the ballroom in about 20 minutes."

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Music Association: South Pacific - Wash That Man Right Out Of My Hair



By The Numbers
Entertainment Counts
March 18, 2010

Top Movies 1.    Alice in Wonderland                $ 74 million 2.    Green Zone                             $ 16 million 3.    She's Out Of My League         $ 12 million 4.    Shutter Island                          $   9 million 5.    Remember Me                        $   9 million Domestic box office week of March 12-18, 2010	Top TV Networks - prime time average viewers 1.    CBS        11.3 million 2.    Fox            9.4 million 3.    ABC          6.5 million 4.    NBC          6.3 million 5.    CW            1.8 million American Idol (Tuesday) had the largest viewership last week with 22.75 million viewers
Top Websites 1.    Google       (9.5 billion searches in Feb.) 2.    Facebook 3.    Yahoo        (2.4 billion searches in Feb.) 4.    YouTube 5.    Wikipedia Domestic websites hits in March 2010	Top Video Games 1.    World of Warcraft 2.    Sims 3 3.    Dark Messiah of Might 4.    Warcraft 3 5.    Second Life By average playing time
Top Newspapers 1.    Wall Street Journal      2    million 2.    USA Today                1.9 million 3.    New York Times        1.4 million 4.    Los Angeles Times        .6 million 5.    Washington Post           .5 million Daily circulation from 2009	Top Magazines 1.    Better Homes & Gardens    7.6 million 2.    Reader's Digest                   7.1 million 3.    Good Housekeeping           4.6 million 4.    National Geographic           4.4 million 5.    Women's Day                     3.9 million Late 2009 circulation

Music Association: Phil Collins - Don't Lose My Number


Taking Sides
March 12, 2010

I was getting a kick out of an angry man recently who was insistent that I was for some health care plan. My refusal to take sides just made him angrier. Hey, I know where I stand. Drawing circles in the sand to the east or the west and telling me to pick won't get me to move.

Despite what some people think, I am neither a Democrat nor a Republican. I am neither for nor against anyone else's health care plan. My health care plan is right here, where I'm standing. It starts with me.

I am the world's foremost expert on my own health. And I keep up-to-date with the world's most specific continuing education, backed by an ever increasing library of health and medical books. If people had the resources I have, they'd have a much better understanding of their health.

I sent a friend a list of my health and medical books. When compiling the list, I became surprised at how many books I have. It is a library! I need to start a card catalog.

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Music Association: Rush - Freewill  "If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice."


Tornado v. Power Lines
March 10, 2010

Here's another way I stay healthy. When a tornado hits, I don't take refuge under power lines. Maybe that's OK in Oklahoma, but it isn't OK by me. I can think of oodles of places that are safer... even a cruise ship would be safer.

Click the picture for the video.

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Music Association: Kansas - Dust In The Wind


World Health Chart
March Forth in 2010

Wouldn't it be great if there was some sort of chart showing how much the United States pays for health care vs. the rest of the western world?

The fine folks at National Geographic did that. They included how often people visit doctors. They also included the life expectancy of the countries. And they included whether or not the country has nationalized health coverage. All that in one chart. That's spiffy.

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Music Association: David Bowie - Space Oddity
"Planet Earth is blue, and there's nothing I can do."


Budget Cuts Reduce Green Snow Plans
March 3, 2010

The twin city councils have each cut plans for this year's greening of the snow. Ground cover snow will be dyed green in fewer parks than in 2009 or 2008. Green falling snow will be eliminated in both cities, even if conditions are favorable.

"You won't see any falling green snow; that's all I know," one council member said. "If the economy picks up, maybe next year, who knows."

Grocery stores are already experiencing shortages of green Hostess Sno Balls.

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Music Association: Al Green - Let's Stay Together


Don't Make Me Sick
February 26, 2010

The health care summit proved that Congress can speak with civility but would rather not.
Also on C-SPAN, NASA scientists plan to approach girl by 2018.

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Music Association: Jackson Browne - Doctor My Eyes


Cruise Ship Sway
February 22, 2010

I don't smoke or take cruises; that's how I stay healthy.

I don't understand the appeal of cruise ships. I'm not easily swayed by illness & death scores, crime without prosecution, or even the  all-you-can-catch buffets.

Some might go back and forth, forth and back, trying to decide whether to sail on a cruise ship. I just don't see the splendor.

^^^^^     ballroom sliding video (listing reports)
^^^^^     Maritime Illness & Death  (definitions, epidemics)
^^^^^     cruise crimes: Cruise Bruises, Cruise Victims
^^^^^     Carnival robs U.S. after Katrina  --  
In late 2005, FEMA rented 3 cruise ships for Katrina victims for $236 million or $1275 per person per week (double a standard fare). Carnival received guarantees from the Treasury that the New Orleans berths would not revoke their tax-exempt status.  

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Music Association: Hues Corporation - Rock The Boat


Lint Recycling
February 19, 2010

I've designed a recycling truck adapted with a giant spinning wheel. It spins dryer lint into yarn, which feeds the yarn into the loom, which knits up a truckload of mittens. All my designs are safely stored in crumpled paper balls, which landed in the general vicinity of the recycling bin.

All the recycling efforts make me think of more health care ideas.

Two Other Health Care Offers
If laughter is the best medicine, shouldn't national comedy treatments be offered?   (Or is that what Congress is for?)
If placebos are so effective, why can't I get them without a prescription?

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Music Association: Blood Sweat & Tears - Spinning Wheel


2nd Opinion About Health Care
February 17, 2010

I'd like a second opinion about health care. I'd like the debate to involve doctors. It should be more about health care and health information and less about medical insurance. And while I'm wishing for things that won't happen, how about lint recycling?

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Music Association: Sniff 'n the Tears - Dryer Lint


Ammunition To Take Away Guns
February 4, 2010

Last year, gun owners expressing concern that Democrats would try to take away guns bought up all the ammunition they could get. Now signs are appearing at the customer service desks of stores saying that Minnesota law prohibits the returning of ammunition -- which makes sense because people shouldn't use second-hand ammunition. Shoot, I think the people who hoarded ammunition are figuring out that they were falling for scare tactics.

But guns are being taken away.

Certain guns are a choking hazard. Guns are being voluntarily recalled by Dollar General in cooperation with the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission.

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Music Association: Aerosmith - Janie's Got A Gun


Astronomical 2011 U.S. Budget & Opportunity Costs
February 2, 2010

I chortled when George W. Bush proposed returning NASA to the moon. I didn't think he was serious. President Obama has scrapped those plans, through the 2011 U.S. Budget, in favor of the development of faster spacecraft, implementing a greener NASA, and encouraging commercial spaceflight. I think he's serious, but I still disagree.

The earlier plan to develop several rockets to take us back to the moon as a launching point to Mars has been over-budget and behind schedule, despite being based on existing technologies.

The current $19 billion NASA budget focuses on lowering the costs of spaceflight and developing new technologies. Buzz Aldrin has voiced his support for the new plan.

And yet much of the NASA budget is still directed out of the country -- to Mars.

I don't have anything against Mars or martians. I like Marvin Martian and the Toy Story martians, but my opposition to Mars missions is about the opportunity costs.

Opportunity costs are the options for what to do with the same amount of money, which is an important way of looking at the U.S. Budget. Ask questions like: are these expenditures necessary for our priorities... for the health, safety, and well-being of our people and our country? Are there better uses of the same money?

I just don't see Mars as important as feeding and educating our people, taking care of the sick, or caring for the environment.

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Music Association:  Beatles - Can't Buy Me Love



Health Care Information Analysis
Have A Heart
January 27, 2010

Q: Why do people die?
A: Thanks for asking. People die for many reasons.
In low-income countries, the number one killer is lower respiratory infections (pneumonia, bronchitis, emphysema).
In middle-income countries, the number one killer is cerebrovascular diseases (strokes).
And in high-income countries, the number one killer is heart disease.                         Source: World Health Organization       
In the United States, Minnesota has the lowest incidence of heart disease.                Source: American Heart Association (p12)       
The causes of heart disease include congenital heart defects, coronary artery disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, smoking, excessive alcohol or caffeine, drug abuse, stress, certain medications and supplements, and valvular heart disease.
And depression has been found to be a higher risk factor of heart disease than genetics or environment.
Sodium
But if you read into the list of causes of heart disease, certain food additives should be added to the list, such as salt.
Canada is working to reduce salt intake.                                                      Source: Canadian Medical Association Journal          
Britain is also working to reduce salt intake.                                               Source:  UK Food Standards Agency              
New York City is working on a voluntary reduction of salt at restaurants.                                  Source: NYC Health Dept.               
Japan, with high salt consumption and high incidence of strokes, has been studying ways of reducing salt since 1981.
Salt reductions by 3 grams could reduce heart disease, strokes, and myocardial infarctions (heart attacks) by about a third.  

A handy comparison of salt in processed foods is available through the Center for Science in the Public Interest. It shows that McDonald's french fries (270mg) have half the salt of Burger King french fries (590mg).

Burger King Whopper  (1,070mg)   Source: Burger King  
Chipotle Steak Burrito (2,070mg)    Source: Chipotle          
McDonald's Big Mac (1,040mg)     Source: McDonald's  
Wendy's Single (2,820mg)               Source: Wendy's        

Cereal (1 cup) - Cap'n Crunch (269mg), Cheerios (213mg), Corn Chex (288mg),  Corn Flakes (202mg), Frosted Flakes (197mg), Lucky Charms (203mg), Raisin Bran (362mg), Special K (224mg), Total (157mg), & Wheaties (218mg).    Source: Also Salt    

I'm just trying to save your life.  Pass the salt.

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Music Association: Billy Joel - Movin Out  "Working too hard can give you a heart attack-ack-ack."




Late Night Drama
January 13, 2009

Here's my show of support for another tall, odd redhead -- Conan O'Brien. In his statement from yesterday afternoon, addressed to the People of Earth, Conan apologized for his hair.

That was a bold move. As bold as starting a Tonight Show... tomorrow.

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Music Association: Doc Severinsen - The Tonight Show theme



Believe in People
January 11, 2010

I've always found that people are capable of incredible things.

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Music Association: New Radicals - You Get What You Give



Be Careful, Jack Frost Has a Machete!
January 9, 2010

Here are places that are warmer than the Twin Cities:  Iceland, half of Alaska, most of Antarctica, Europe, Moscow...


Music Association: Donnie Iris - Color Me Blue

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